Huffette can you please read this?

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TVXQ_520
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Huffette can you please read this?

Postby TVXQ_520 » Sat May 30, 2015 5:47 am

Hi!


I've read some posts about you and angels and I think that's amazing!

I would really appreciate it if you would please help me with knowing my guardian angel(s?)

I feel like I'm alone.

Logically I know that I have L, Z, my guardian angel(s?), God, Jesus and other Gods and Goddesses with me.

I can't tell my family members how I feel because I don't want to be a burden or have them think I'm being a drama queen. I'm also the one they confide in and lean on at times, unfortunately I know that I'm there for them but they can't be here for me. I miss my grandma a lot, I keep having dreams of her and she never talks to me in these past few dreams. I wonder if she blames me too for her death. Since her death I've been having panic attacks, I'm not sure if I'm traumatized. She died in my arms in her room when I tried to help her get ready to go to the hospital.

Right now I'm having a really low low low drop. Usually I'm bobbing on the surface but since Wednesday I've been below the surface. And I keep feeling myself go deeper(I see my depression as water. Some days I'm floating, other's I'm in the water with my head above it and others I'm below the surface.)
I think this low drop is mainly due to being sick, I have severe asthma and we waited for three hours last night at the ER only to be told that I have a common cold and it's affecting my asthma- I need rest, fluid, a cough syrup and my inhaler- that was it. I was so tired and my body was aching from coughing, I couldn't sleep because I kept holding my breath and my chest was tight. All day I've had about 4 hours of sleep.

Right now I'm exhausted, I feel like I can't breathe my inhalers aren't working, my body is aching. Today I've fought off two panic attacks. I honestly feel like I'm going to break down.

I need to know that I'm not alone please. I can't hear spirits, I've tried talking to them. I know I need to be patient but right now I feel like I'm on the edge.

If anyone knows any prayers or things to help me spiritually or emotionally, I'm all ears please.
(I can't go to the hospital because I can't stand doctors (I feel bad for saying that), my family will worry,it reminds me of my grandma. Last night at the hospital, being there for 3 hours was hard., it was too much. And it was for nothing. I know that I can't go back there, maybe later in the years but not now. )

Right now I'm going to go outside to watch the stars since I love them and maybe ask for some comfort out there. Yesterday didn't work so hopefully tonight will.

Everyone, I'm not looking for pity. Please don't see me as someone whose looking for some pity or some "poor you, poor little you." This is why I don't want to tell my family, I don't want them to see me as that kind of person.

Thank you for reading.
I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring.

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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby GreySkyMorning » Sat May 30, 2015 6:52 am

It wasn't for nothing. Better to go to the ER and find it was smaller than thought, than not go and something very bad happen. Speaking as someone with depression issues who's lost their mom, has anxiety attacks (not quite panic, but still scary) and has asthma that's flared up from mucus build-up to the point I was terrified I had lung cancer (my lungs BURNED, my chest was tight and achey, I wheezed with nearly every breath, I had trouble sleeping, the cough was so dry... the mucus dried and caked up inside my lungs, and the doctors had no idea, I found this out by myself - I even got an X-ray and they found nothing) and just wanted to either die already or stop being sick... You have to talk to people. and frankly, if they're expecting to lean on you, but you're not allowed to lean on them, that's a horrible relationship. Family or not. In my opinion, family is an empty word if there's no support there.

Being sick sucks. Mine lasted for like... unnaturally long. I think at least a month or two. But that's only because the doctors had no idea what was going on and I only figured it out when I started coughing up dried mucus (however much it burned my lungs). Heh, sorry for the mental image. My point is... you'll be okay. Not just in terms of sickness. In general. I know you probably hear that everywhere... but that's because it's true.

You should find someone to talk to about your grandma. Your grandma doesn't blame you. Trust me. She was your grandma. Unfortunately, people die all the time, and of course they die as they age. I'm not gonna say "I'm sorry" because I know I got tired of that after my mom died. If you haven't yet, you probably will... It's hard, and you think the pain never ends... but I've been on the edge. I tipped off the edge, if we're gonna get really personal, and managed to scramble back up, and am now, honestly, at the happiest I've ever been. It feels like it takes forever. But you do get better. You just have to hang in there. Easier said than done, I know. As my brother so succinctly stated when I said it not very long ago at all, "it always is". And it's always worth it. 1hg
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{If I ever sound rude, I didn't mean to! This is a preemptive apology if anything I say sounds mean!}
Spirits: My mom; Leonardo Da Vinci; 'Uno', werewolf mate; 'Deuce', kobold; 'Trip', alan; J, sterling angel; H, werewolf; F, hellhound; A, faun; K, gold djinn; 'Shu', xinshu dragon; S, psy vamp & brother; B, nympho; & a wraith & volkh!
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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby TVXQ_520 » Sat May 30, 2015 7:43 am

Thank you GreySkyMorning~

Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice <3

My wheezing has lessened a lot. I feel like I'm grounded now and I feel a lot lighter.

I'm currently reading on Lumeria with everyone here (I think my Asian Djinn led me to it to distract me, it's working.)

It's always great to hear that someone is doing well!
I know things won't change over night, but I hope later in life I can reach a state of happiness too ~

Thank you so much, this added a lot of good feelings to me <3
I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring.

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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby GreySkyMorning » Sat May 30, 2015 7:56 am

<3 If people don't stick together, they'll fall apart.

As is taught in my therapy I'm getting (DBT, if you're curious) the best way to help ease uncomfortable emotions is distraction, and/or "opposite to emotion actions". For example, If you feel sad, distract yourself with happy things, and do things you'd do when you're happy instead. Even if you don't feel like it. It tends to be, when you feel like it least is when you should the most. It works quite well. (I suppose it should, they wouldn't teach techniques that don't work!)

Don't forget it's okay to be sad, though. It's always okay to not be okay.
:werewolf:For blue, blue skies...
{If I ever sound rude, I didn't mean to! This is a preemptive apology if anything I say sounds mean!}
Spirits: My mom; Leonardo Da Vinci; 'Uno', werewolf mate; 'Deuce', kobold; 'Trip', alan; J, sterling angel; H, werewolf; F, hellhound; A, faun; K, gold djinn; 'Shu', xinshu dragon; S, psy vamp & brother; B, nympho; & a wraith & volkh!
Servitors: 1 year old son Benji; many others

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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby Huffette » Sat May 30, 2015 8:26 pm

First off, I do not know who your guardian angel is. It is usually which ever one hangs around and helps or advises the most. If you can communicate with them, that would make finding out easier. Not every one has an arc angel as a guardian angel, but no one is without an angel. Each guardian angel is assigned, depending on the need and life's lessons that need to be taught. No guardian angel is stronger than another, and they all protect equally.

Second, I am also having serious issues with my asthma. I almost went to the emergency room last night when my inhalers failed to do the job. I have a nebulizer, however, with the amount of albuterol already in my system, I would have overloaded it with the nebulizer solutions. I had all kinds of trouble last night, and was almost panicking myself. My lungs are weakened from four bouts of pneumonia in a twelve month period, culminating with a hospitalization and swollen lungs with the last bout. I am still having problems because of it. I feel ya on that one.

Third, I understand death. I have had far more than my share over the last twenty five years, with family members dropping one to two every six months, like clockwork. That finally ended when my father died in 2004. Then it started up again in 2009. In 2009, I had a brother in law and an ex brother in law die within ten days of each other. They were cousins, and married my sisters. In 2010, I had a cousin die in a car accident, when someone ran him of the road and his brakes failed, sending him into a tree. He lay in a coma for a week before his brain ceased functioning. He was just 18. Some of these family members were as young as four, and as old as their eighties. The ten year old dropped dead on a pitcher's mound, and was dead before he hit the ground. He had never been sick until just before he died. My cousin died of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever a week after she turned four, and she would have turned 30 in December. Last January, my aunt died of complications from diabetes, leaving behind my only surviving uncle from my daddy's side of the family. He is 92 now, and not doing too well. I feel ya on that one also.

Fourth, you need to stop blaming yourself for your grandmother's death. It is possible she knew that this was her time, and was prepared. You were just there to witness it. She will understand that you are going through a difficult time with the circumstances of her death and the close bond you shared with her. Get into some talk therapy, because that is how you can get it behind you. I had friends that I could talk to and they did not judge me. It helped then, and still helps. Do not let anyone judge you for her death, because it was not your fault. You had nothing to do with it, so stop beating yourself up over it. Get some therapy in one form or another so that you can go on with your life.

We both have our lives of the moment cut out for us. We can support each other. All you have to do is reach out and you will have hundreds of people here willing to help you. We can do this together. 1hg
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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby TVXQ_520 » Wed Nov 30, 2016 10:48 am

I remember making this post. I really felt like I was going to die that night because I couldn't breathe. Whenever I'm sick now and feel like it's the worst, I think of this night and nothing will ever compare to how I felt.

I wanted to ask if this could be deleted but thought that maybe someone out there could benefit from this.

Where should I start.. Grief is different for everyone. For me? There is no set time of when to "get over it," I still miss my grandmother, every day. But it's not so much of a sadness now. I have spoken to her in dreams, I talk out loud to her. I still go crying to her, she was the only person I told everything to, she was my rock and she still is in a way. Since her passing, I've learned to stand up for myself, to rely on me more. I guess you can say that my grandmother is still teaching me.

I feel like I've grown closer to my guardian Angel, he instantly comforts me and talks me to sleep, sleeping is a bit difficult for me. I also feel like I've become closer to the Angels and Archangels.

Did this happen over night? No. It took time. I learned that during moments where I'm in a spiral of depression, or a panic attack- I'm told to breathe and ground myself. L has shown me how important it is to ground myself and be still. Once my head is clear, I pray and talk to my spirit family- They are very supportive. I'm blessed to have them here. I'll usually ask my guardian Angel to hug me and when I do there is this huge warmth of calm and peace that spreads out through me. I feel loved.
I've come to accept that my depression can't be cured, it's something that I'll always have to work with and its hard but I get through it. I'm not alone.

I've talked with my family about my grandmother's passing, no one blames me. It's true that they trusted me to watch her that night but it was her time and there was no stopping it. It was traumatic to have her pass in my arms, watching someone's eyes become empty- For a long time I blocked out everything about her. I avoided things that reminded me of her.
I was taught by my spirits and Angels that I shouldn't repress the memories, I have to embrace them. Embrace the feelings, don't push them away- If you cry, cry. If you have feelings of hate and sadness, feel it and get through it. It has been a slow process but I'm so much better now.
I let the memories and emotions come and go, once they go through- They don't hurt as much anymore since I've accepted them.

For me, it's better that she left in the arms of someone who loved/loves her so much, rather than in the hospital which was a place she disliked so much.
It hurt but there's not a thing I would change from that night. And that is what my spirit family have taught me.

I don't know what else to write down but to give yourself time and that help is always around~ You just have to ask S2


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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby Huffette » Sat Dec 03, 2016 2:39 am

I am happy that you are doing better. Since this post was put up, I lost my only surviving uncle and several cousins from my daddy's side of the family. I still grieve for my aunt whom I lost just before this pas posted, and my uncle who died in March.

Grief is a difficult burden, but it takes time and we all eventually see the light at the end of the very long and dark tunnel. Never let anyone talk down to you and tell you to get over it. Learn to lean on someone who you trust to just let it all out with. This is the best talk therapy you can get.

Since that bout of pneumonia, I was left with lung damage. My lungs are functioning at 50% capacity, and it will not get better. As a matter of fact, I now have to sleep with a bipap machine, with heated water in order to breathe at night. Without this, I stop breathing 38 times an hour, which can be deadly. This too, will not get better, only worse.

Anyway, keep talking about it, and you will see, it will become less of a burden. As always, I am on PE and we can PM there, and when you get tenured, we can PM here. Just reach out to me and I will help you with your grief.
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Called "little one" by the angels

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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby rapidful » Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:50 pm

Huffette you still have astma? Did you tried produecr like air filter? Or probably plasmacluster fan? The kills bacteria, mold and stuff?

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Re: Huffette can you please read this?

Postby Huffette » Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:22 pm

Rapidful, I was born with asthma. It is a family trait, passed down from the Cherokee side of the family. Having Blackfoot and Cherokee makes breathing problems more abundant in your life and your siblings' lives. Out of six kids, four have asthma or some other breathing problem.

Like the medical community says, you never outgrow asthma, you just work to put it into remission.
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Called "little one" by the angels


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