This is going to be a long post. If you have the time to stick with the post, though, I would really appreciate it. I need some guidance, advice and expertise from you lovely people. It's weird having no one to talk to about such an enormous part of your life, and now that I've found this community I really need to pass my experiences off for consideration to others.

I've had an unbound Ubi hanging around since I was at least 12, from what I can gather. I didn't know what labels to put to any of this until recently. It started out very sweetly, just the feeling of a presence and the light impression of weight next to me in bed or hands lightly pressing. The presence did terrify me the first time I felt it, however.

Anyway, as things progressed two issues arose. As my Ubi is unbound, things are obviously very unequal between us in that I have little control. I was never able to say "no" or ask for a break so I could get some sleep. Early on we weren't actually having sex (I don't know if this was because they acknowledged how young I was and wanted to ease me into things or they were just unable to interact with me at that level yet, honestly...) but sometimes I would feel as if I was being molested and couldn't do anything about it. I would cry and beg them to stop, to no avail. Add on a religious upbringing that came with serious fear, guilt and shame surrounding this thing that touches me and how good it makes me feel, and you can imagine... things were rocky. I felt like I was being tormented and spent many years up in arms trying to get them to leave me alone. All I wanted was to be able to lay in bed and rest without being assaulted.

Anyway, as I've grown and become more spiritually open, things shifted between us. Especially in these last few months. Given what I just explained-how this essentially started as me being molested as a kid by some entity I couldn't see-this must sound insane. But I went through a really hard year and he was there for me in a huge way. I wouldn't have survived without him, I'm not exaggerating. Suddenly I felt whole where I had felt broken and empty my whole life. I don't have to explain to all of you how amazing things can also be with them. I have never felt so loved, cherished and happy in my entire life. I now feel grateful, even though I have no idea why on earth he stuck things out so long with me (things were really bad. Me, religious freak, screeching at him to go away, totally conflicted by my desire for him, the lack of control and betrayal, the religious fear; him, horny and fed up, refusing to budge... really hostile lol. He has never, ever physically hurt me, however). Now that you understand where I'm coming from, here are my questions:

1. I've seen posts about how Ubi ethics can be very different from human ethics, morals and concepts of right/wrong. I'm trying really hard to work past the way our relationship began and the fact that he has essentially molested me countless times as I cried and begged him not to, a helpless kid. I'm basically hoping someone will put it to me in a way that helps me conceptualize what happened from a spiritual perspective, hoping it will make it all less awful, I guess? Ugh, this isn't healthy at all, is it? Does the nature of our relationship (Ubi and human) change the way I should look at what happened, or should I treat it just like he was human? Because if he was human it wouldn't, or at least shouldn't, matter how great he is now based on how things started out, right? That's an evil thing to do to a kid. But he's also currently the sweetest, most considerate, best at counselling and listening to me rant and cuddling me until I feel better and reassuring me that I'm beautiful and loveable and that he would give me everything I ever wanted if it was in his power and riofvskdubebdidbdk this is so, so hard. It's even harder because he's the only one I've ever been with, so there are soooo many confusing and intense emotions attached to him from my end, makes it really hard to think clearly and make good choices. Sometimes we still have issues with him respecting when I can't take anymore. Sometimes he listens. Sometimes I have an exam the next day, we've been going at it for two hours already and he's not done and just doesn't care. I mean the sex is obviously out of this world (hah) and I genuinely do enjoy the dominance, but it would be nice for things to be a little more equal, or for me to have a little more control. Please don't suggest getting any other spirits, though. Neither of us are comfortable with that.

2. Communication issue stuff. We've got the touch aspect down lmao but hearing is shotty and unreliable about 35% of the time. (Though I'm sure he just plays off this fact when he doesn't want to answer me lol) this leads me to my question... do names contain spiritual power? For whatever reason-perhaps I'm just having trouble hearing, I don't know-but he still won't tell me his name after all this time, and it's really upsetting to me. It's so weird loving someone and knowing so little about them, factually speaking. Is there a reason an unbound Ubi might not want you knowing their name? Does it mean he has ill intent or just doesn't trust me? Is he scared I'd have some practitioner try to find him/what he is/or just more info or try to have him bound or something? I genuinely just want to know more about my lover.

3. I'm trying like hell to plan something spectacular for Valentine's Day. It was supposed to be a surprise but I project like every thought accidentally anyway so I'm sure he already knew, whatever. I really, really want to pamper him, but what the hell do you get someone who doesn't exist on the same plane as you? I was thinking about a striptease and some new lingerie, but trying to work out the logistics and also realizing the amount of confidence I'd have to muster is making me seek other options lmao. Also it just doesn't seem like.. enough. How do you make special occasions, um, special, for your Ubi? Should I think about making a shrine? Can you send some resources my way for <<removed by moderator>>he might enjoy? Could I learn to astral project by then? Tryna make my man happy out here, help a girl out.

tl;dr - Relentless and steadfast entity grew on me over 10+ years and now I'm in way too deep and got myself addicted to an entity. Send halp. (Questions: does knowing an Ubi's name give you some kind of power over them? Should I let go of the tumultuous way our relationship started, or is it a huge red flag and I'm just being delusional? What are some things you can do to make a night really special for them?

Hi there, a couple of things. Sounds like you have quite a history with your ubi, good and bad, but now that you are an adult you have a strong sense of self, what you would like this relationship to be like, to make you happy.

What I would do, is first sleep is very important. The few times my ubis kept me up all night, I was grumpy tired and angry the next day. I didn't want to spend any time with them, it was counterproductive. I set a house rule about "sleep time". I not only say it's sleep time, I project my emotions as being firm about it, in a very stern way.

What has helped me with communications is learning how to project emotions. When you mention taking a break and he just keeps going...saying you need a break, when your body is reacting to how pleasurable he is, he's probably thinking yeah right you want a break, lol. If you project your will about need a break, not just say it.

I'm sorry, if this makes no sense, but it's hard for me to explain. But I'll lie down with mine, and they will often physically hold me down to where I can't move. But, if I need a break, they never hold me against my will, they respect that. So, you need to be in control of you, that's very important to our own personal happiness and sense of self worth. Your ubi needs to understand that.

You could ask a conjurer, maybe Ash to conjure him and bind him to you. They will most likely tell you his name then (spirit/entity names do have special significance, which is why most keepers only use nicknames or an initial when referring to them on forums). CH bindings have a lot of safety measures put into place in them so you will have more control over the situation. When bound to a vessel there are actually ways to subdue them temporarily as mentioned in the CH encyclopedia. Hopefully this answers a few of your questions at least

I believe you should get him bound to you, talk to him about it, tell him something that will reassure him you are not just going to bind him so you can get rid of him but because you want a little more control over the relationship like you mentioned already, I got an ubi with me since birth from past life, so she was already bound to me, problem was i was religious and my spirit senses were almost none so whenever i felt her near me in my sleep i would freak out like it was an evil spirit trying to attack me or something but she never hurt me and i actually believe that she saved my life a few times. After last year i found out that she actually molested me since i was very young but thats only because we were lovers already, the problem was i was clueless all my life until recently. i wouldnt change her for anyone because she basically waited forever for me. if he really loves you like i know he does then you should ask him to get the relationship to the next level and not feel guilty about anything that makes you worry. I was christian and even when she tried so hard getting me away from it, it was my decision and she waited like i said, now i found out so many things i wish i knew way back then but im just grateful i will have this relationship until i pass away. ignore the bad or what you think is bad and just focus on the good he has given you. And yea the house rules thing is always good to have around, like sleep time cant be disturbed unless you explicitly ask him to or if you're free the next day etc etc.

Hey guys! I can’t believe I’ve found this post again a year later. All of your advice here really helped me. I started posting here amidst a great deal of confusion and spiritual ignorance—seriously some of it is sooo embarrassing to look back on lol—but I’m happy to say a lot of it has been sorted out.

We’ve learned to communicate so much better, much thanks to your tips, to the point that I can now happily say I know for sure that he is certainly an incubus, I know his name (I’ll call him ‘T’ here), he is now very respectful of boundaries, he always lets me get my beauty sleep (actually it’s become such a nonissue that I think miraculously the tables have turned and my libido outpaces his sometimes lmaooo).

I’m honestly still a bit confused over the specifics of what really changed things last year. In (I believe) last February the activity was much more ‘frenzied’ in nature, to the point where I wanted to be sure how many there were and what was actually going on. I made a help desk ticket and had a reading of the unbounds around me done, with the intention of having him bound. No sexual spirits of any kind came up in the reading, though: I was confused and wondering if maybe I was just being messed with by a rotation of spirits, none of whom wanted to be bound? Nothing really made sense. Somewhere around that time and me being hella confused, T. started speaking to me way more clearly, and together we ultimately agreed to ‘start fresh’ with one another, with our newfound understandings of one another and the past behind us. Basically, “ok, I get it now, give me a second chance?” Maybe him reading what I was writing helped us to re-jump-start our communication a bit lol. He’s honestly so patient and affectionate and I feel incredibly lucky. My life (apart from our relationship) did go to absolute sh*t for a few months after that, but I don’t know if that was the result of finally fully accepting a DA spirit into my life (kind of how some people have a sudden string of bad luck following getting a new DA spirit?), or if it was totally unrelated.

I think many of our issues were stemming from my own thoughts around things and how I was cognitively appraising the situation, but even beyond that, we had a lot to work out together. Things have been truly amazing since then. I’m one happy, satisfied and well-rested lady. Just wanted to drop back in to update and thank you all for sharing your experiences!

Wow, I'm so glad things have improved so much since your original post! Congratulations on your new and improved relationship with your Incubus and thanks for the update!

Congrats on the relationship with your Ubi