A Cause for CH - CH members, please read

Do you know of a charity that needs help?
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ninjalovergirl
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OK, first off, I would appreciate it if every CH member reads all of this, since it involves them too, ALL of them, even if they don't want it to be like that, because they are part of the CH community, so they need to help out as well, if they come on to this forum. No one can avoid or shun this problem as it concerns them too. There is a lot of information here, because it is something important, it needs to be said.

I haven't been back here long, but have noticed a lot has changed. There seems to be a lot of negativity going on in the forum. I do not like the atmosphere right now. It seems very harsh.
And, while I may be stepping on many toes here, I do not care, as this is an issue that needs to be talked about and not skirted around or even completely ignored, in order to actually do something about it. As that is the only way for it to get better.


I have made a post about it before, talking about how this forum feels right now, and another poster agreed, we both did. I hope people will listen to this one.
I have noticed this atmosphere too, hopefully things will get back to normal soon. I'm sick of people doing that to me too. Basically, we are all on edge because of one another, I think. Everyone should try to calm down. Understanding and talking about that there is this atmosphere right now is the first step to getting back to normal and to stop being so aggressive towards one another, to better the forum. Also, to stop trying to walk on egg shells with one another because people may be intimidated, as not to cause offense, so people feel more comfortable in their own opinions and letting them out. To become more tolerant and to feel like you can express yourselves without someone biting your head off for it. You shouldn't be afraid to do so, even if people become hostile towards you. It's not right to be afraid of offending someone accidentally. So I speak out. If people don't talk about it, understand, and be themselves, nothing will change. Looks like people are finally starting to talk about it, as it is a problem that needs sorting out.

I want this place to go beck to the way it was, more tolerant and friendly, a family atmosphere.

I have noticed a lot of hostility and harsh attitudes towards people who didn't even mean to cause harm in the first place, something innocent. People are turning on one another, are letting their stress out the people of this forum, I have also noticed that some people may be afraid to speak out about their own opinions because of this, and instead, become intimidated because they do not want to accidentally offend anyone. I have also noticed that people may decide to ignore some people and instead go talk to their friends when other people are also part of the discussion, and/or have valid arguments, points, great experiences and/or important information and more. And yes, it can't be avoided that it happens, that is just the way it is, I do not say you have to always do it, you cannot. But still, try sometimes. And of course, if they do not like something, they will all stick together and hound the other person, who may not have intended it to be harmful, as it is just their opinion, and if the other people have a right to say theirs, you have a right to say yours without people taking offense so easily to something, as your opinion is just as valid and important as theirs. While sticking together is good, it can be disastrous if the people who do that, decide to go after someone who has a different opinion to them which they do not like. People shouldn't be offended so easily if they do not like something, by all means, go after what they said, and say haw you view it, but try not to go after the person themselves. Even just trying to is a lot of help.

I have also noticed a lack of help for the new people. Yes, there is a lot of info, but not many people really help out that much when someone has a valid concern or just to help start push their new experiences in life. Not just that, but some people don't reply at all to a lot of topics and experiences of people. Just a bump post, or a :thumbup: is better than nothing. "Great experience" "amazing" "I don't know exactly what to say, but I like this post" "I agree" "Good post" etc. It's not nice to just ignore them. And some people cannot do it all on their own. Lack of discussion, especially when it concerns something that may be heavy or deep. No one really wants to say anything important. I do not mind just something fun, which I like, but there is a lot more I would like to discuss and learn too. Not just that, but there can be a lot of really important information in my posts, from my own experiences, things I have found out and learned, which I am telling as I am trying to help people. Stuff that is actually wisdom and knowledge. Stuff that I have understood the meaning of, and am trying to help others see it for themselves as to deepen their own experiences, with a more positive outcome. I feel like I may have to do it all, or a lot of it, which I just cannot do on my own. The people who are not that knew have to help the newer people, to make them feel comfortable, to learn. A responsibility. Yes, not everyone can do it all the time, and shouldn't feel chained down by this, but even just a little bit of help here and there will go a long way.

We, the ch members need to stick together, and become more responsible as to how this forum is perceived, seen, and to where the direction of this forum goes, as it is the members of this forum who make it what it is. And right now, we are cut throat at each other. Instead of that, have more understanding and tolerance for each other, so as not to go off at one another, and it is vitally important not get hating and intolerance of one anothers own self and thoughts and opinions confused with saying your own opinions, however harsh, even if some people are loud and you do not like what they say, that is not harming them, as you are not intending to. There is a difference, and people need to realize it, and have more understanding of others own experiences, which may be completely different or even controversial to your own, but no less valid as it is their own personal experiences and you cannot say that they did not have them, and that you are right and they are wrong. However, you can say that they are not yours so you don't believe in them, but respect the others own opinion and experiences.

Really try to make this forum something special, instead of not doing anything to help out, because the way this is going, I wouldn't be surprised if we are all putting off others from wanting to join, or have already put them off, and they have left as to not want to be in such an unwelcoming environment. I know that CH is like. This isn't it right now. And I think everyone will agree that it needs sorting out, that what i said isn't right. It is a problem.

I wouldn't be surprised if there is more going on that I haven't seen, but these are a few things.
In order for things to change in a positive way, people have to do it themselves. Cannot just ignore it. Nothing changes, nothing happens because no one talks about it, no one directly says anything. No one understands or even knows.

You are all free to re post and quote this message in other areas of the forum so that others can see this, or do your own post. As it is something the whole community needs to help out with and to understand. To stick together. For all of us to understand, to realize this, become passionate about it, and to help make it what is was, and even more better. If you like CH, feel for them and the community, you need to step up.

I do not know how others will perceive this post, but whatever they think, it is important not to ignore it. I am saying all this because no one else will. No one will come out and do it, no one will help, no one will actually talk about it. Everyone just hopes it will go away, or maybe do not care when it involves them all. Try to be aware of this, what is going on around you, and try to help out.

I am doing this because something has to be done, someone needs to help out, to say something. Apparently, it is me who tries to get the ball rolling. I feel I have to. And if a lot of people just ignore this like the other posts I made, I have made my point, it is very much valid.


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It's a great post :thumbup: This is an issue that comes & goes. As there is constantly a flow of new members the issue of helping new members is an ongoing one. I think for some, they wish newcomers were more proactive about using the Search function to look up questions they have, as likely, there are already several threads that provide an answer & more! Even if they said they looked up their question and they had more questions or different concerns, at least the attempt has been made.

As for members & their attitudes towards one another, it's life. Any time you have a large group then you are going to have people who disagree. You cannot avoid that. I hope that those who disagree can be respectful of each other, but if you stop posting because you let others intimidate you, that's a shame to let other people control your life & your behavior. I've said it time & time again, that for every person who disagrees with you there are plenty who AGREE with you, and sometimes they are going to be lurkers, but if you don't speak, you don't have a voice.

It's up to every person to decide for themselves. We do not rule here with an iron fist, this isn't a forum with one ideology or one view, it's not "our way or the highway" and having an open forum means that all members have to be responsible for themselves, conduct themselves as adults, and to forge their own path. It's not an atmosphere that is for everyone, but for those who "get it" and understand its concept, they flourish here and learn a lot.

For others, they desire there to be a clear "leader" someone to emulate, follow directions from, and have their opinions given to them. This forum is not that place. Freethinking & free evolution of thoughts, ideas, and ideologies means that you have to take up for yourself, you need to speak & be heard, even if it means having to ignore a few naysayers. Nothing worth having is ever handed to you without any cost.

Besides, you couldn't find a place that cares more about its fellow members than here.


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TheFancifulFox
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::hail:: :thumbup:

Will definitely keep in mind what both of you have said. Creepy Hollows is the only safe haven many of us have. We are a family, and just like any family we will have our ups and downs, disagreements, friction, etc. You don't always have to like all of your family at any given time, but you always love them no matter what :lol: We should all make an effort to avoid arguments by thinking about what we type before we hit the submit button. But, sometimes a healthy debate can get out of hand, so we should remain level headed and not take things so personally; that way we can diffuse the situation calmly.

Also, things that are happening outside of the forum can have a huge effect on people. If you are in a country where there is economic and/or political upheaval, you're going to be just a wee bit tense. There are so many different factors that affect our stress levels, and people get crabby when they are stressed out. If you are worrying about how you're going to keep a roof over your head, it may be easier to jump at someone than to embrace them. 2cents


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Aeryn K Angel
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When I was a new member a little over a year ago, I was a bit shy about asking questions. It took me quite a while to realize there was a search function that could lead me to various answers to the questions I had. I think I felt that my questions were "dumb", though I know now that there ARE no dumb questions. We must often step out of our comfort zone to learn and grow... and what helped me the most was the help I got from the members who had been here a while. I may not always step up and be the first to respond when someone has a question or concern. It's not that I don't care, but that I don't always have an answer... and, in fact, the question being asked may be one I have as well.

After reading your post, Ninja, I realize that by being silent... I am not being the teacher, the friend or the fellow CHer that I should be. I should at least, as you suggested, say I understand their concern or bump the topic or at least let them know I hear their concern and really do care. As humans, we tend to take far too much for granted. Thank you for the reminder and the wake-up call. It is truly appreciated.

As far as the drama-filled threads are concerned, I have always avoided them... and will continue to do so, except in unusual circumstances. The main reason being that as an empathic being, the negativity really hurts me... physically and emotionally. There have been a few exceptions, and I'm sure there will be some in the future that I will have to comment on for reasons that may be closer to my heart than the headaches and stress they cause.

All in all... this is indeed a very good topic you brought to us. I'm glad Magnolia saw it as such, also... and I hope all CHers, as you asked, read this and take it to heart.

Thank you for posting this... the feelings and concerns truly came from your heart, and touched mine as well.
:applause:


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Noctua
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I appreciate this post and your intent behind it, I do.

However, I can't help but feel offended that you seem to be conveying none of us are doing anything of worth. That nobody has been making an effort...

You have only really become active again recently (I'm very happy to see you posting, you've been missed), so I have to say you must have missed a lot of the efforts made around here.
Just because it is currently in a state yourself and others disagree with, does not mean it's been neglected all this time. Some things really can't be helped; there are those of us who do as much as we can to set things in the right direction..and I agree with the encouragement of others to be as involved, but the point stands that there are members actively working at this..not only yourself.

And, honestly, I don't see as much trouble in how things are as some do. But that is neither here nor there, as long as the awareness exists that people are doing what they can to make this place great in the new era it's entered.
Nothing will stay the same forever, that's just life. We will never have it back to the way it was years ago because the numbers have inflated, progression has happened, and things are concretely different. This weighs in to what you perceive as a major change. Everyone is going to take it differently depending on what they are familiar with, and their outlook.


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Hmmm.... I had seen some people recently saying the opposite of what Ninja is saying - ie., that things used to be more negative, some people left, and things are in a better 'mood' overall. And based on a recent thread where ninja was bashing another forum member, I have to wonder. I try to stay out of the drama so if drama flares up in this thread, I won't be following it. Just saying. People in glass houses, pots and kettles...


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When I first started a little over a year ago, I was shy about asking questions. I started shoeing my experiences. I now do ask questions, and get some responses. Yes, I have been involved in disagreements a few times, but that is part of a big family.


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ninjalovergirl
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If I could be anything, I would be...: Vampire Angel Nympho
My super power would be...: Ability to fly
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Thank you for everyone who replied, I cannot reply to them all though.

Aeryn wrote:When I was a new member a little over a year ago, I was a bit shy about asking questions. It took me quite a while to realize there was a search function that could lead me to various answers to the questions I had. I think I felt that my questions were "dumb", though I know now that there ARE no dumb questions. We must often step out of our comfort zone to learn and grow... and what helped me the most was the help I got from the members who had been here a while. I may not always step up and be the first to respond when someone has a question or concern. It's not that I don't care, but that I don't always have an answer... and, in fact, the question being asked may be one I have as well.

After reading your post, Ninja, I realize that by being silent... I am not being the teacher, the friend or the fellow CHer that I should be. I should at least, as you suggested, say I understand their concern or bump the topic or at least let them know I hear their concern and really do care. As humans, we tend to take far too much for granted. Thank you for the reminder and the wake-up call. It is truly appreciated.

As far as the drama-filled threads are concerned, I have always avoided them... and will continue to do so, except in unusual circumstances. The main reason being that as an empathic being, the negativity really hurts me... physically and emotionally. There have been a few exceptions, and I'm sure there will be some in the future that I will have to comment on for reasons that may be closer to my heart than the headaches and stress they cause.

All in all... this is indeed a very good topic you brought to us. I'm glad Magnolia saw it as such, also... and I hope all CHers, as you asked, read this and take it to heart.

Thank you for posting this... the feelings and concerns truly came from your heart, and touched mine as well.
:applause:
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Thank you. This is what i intended. To make people more aware, and to not dance around it either. I think this is one of the times where you need a buttload of upheaval in order to get to the calm. I feel that is the best way to go, as it is a big thing, and not going easily. Sometimes, it's just the only way to go. Talking is crucial. No one does, or has, for me at least.

NoctemAeternus wrote:I appreciate this post and your intent behind it, I do.

However, I can't help but feel offended that you seem to be conveying none of us are doing anything of worth. That nobody has been making an effort...

You have only really become active again recently (I'm very happy to see you posting, you've been missed), so I have to say you must have missed a lot of the efforts made around here.
Just because it is currently in a state yourself and others disagree with, does not mean it's been neglected all this time. Some things really can't be helped; there are those of us who do as much as we can to set things in the right direction..and I agree with the encouragement of others to be as involved, but the point stands that there are members actively working at this..not only yourself.

And, honestly, I don't see as much trouble in how things are as some do. But that is neither here nor there, as long as the awareness exists that people are doing what they can to make this place great in the new era it's entered.
Nothing will stay the same forever, that's just life. We will never have it back to the way it was years ago because the numbers have inflated, progression has happened, and things are concretely different. This weighs in to what you perceive as a major change. Everyone is going to take it differently depending on what they are familiar with, and their outlook.
I meant back to a kinder place. And better than that. Something new.
If you never talk about it then how is anyone supposed to know what has gone on, or what you are doing or have done to help? If everyone knows, they can understand and help with it.
People are unaware. Talking is needed, and not always subtly, in order to know and understand. It is vital. It would be nice if there was a sticky post somewhere saying something like this, so people understand and can help out. If no one talks, no one knows.
adelphia wrote:Hmmm.... I had seen some people recently saying the opposite of what Ninja is saying - ie., that things used to be more negative, some people left, and things are in a better 'mood' overall. And based on a recent thread where ninja was bashing another forum member, I have to wonder. I try to stay out of the drama so if drama flares up in this thread, I won't be following it. Just saying. People in glass houses, pots and kettles...
Over two years ago, when I was here, it was a lot more peaceful than now. I am guessing that was more recent.
And you took my posts out of context. That post was a grey area for me. In other words, saw both sides. Both negative and positives on each side. Saying my opinion on how horrible it is, and not liking the person at that time, anyway, because of the Extreme Negativity and Pain on the Victims side of the post, and also of the action is totally different. I wasn't bashing the person, mostly anyway, maybe a little, I was bashing the action. And saying how (removed by Mod) up you become when someone (removed by Mod)you up so much to get sent to a mental hospital, which I fully understand how it feels. He can say something extremely negative, yet I cannot on his action? You do realize that what you just said means you are also bashing my own opinion, my own posts. In other words, you are doing exactly the same as what i did to him. Yet you feel like you can have that opinion, yet I cannot have mine, as it is not right. Hypocritical. Think about it. You wouldn't take it. It cannot be avoided when this happens. But I do not hold grudges though. And I do not see a problem with people doing that, as it is something that cannot be avoided. It cannot be all love all the time, impossible. But to say that ones own opinion on something is totally OK, yet someones isn't and think that they should not say their opinion because it is totally out of order, when I think the same of another poster, apart from me not saying they cannot have their opinion, as they can, is disrespectful, at the least. I'm not doing it to you.

This wasn't a bashing post. It was a rallying of everyone to help get this place better, more tolerant etc as I have seen and felt things, some my own experiences, some were others. You hate my opinions and don't want me to say them, In turn, is making CH more intolerant as i do not want to have to stifle my own opinions just to not ruffle a few feathers. But people don't want to speak out as to not cause offense. I do speak out, and this is the outcome.

Which is why I am trying to make people see and come together. I do not want to dislike you, but you keep hating on me for having a different opinion to you. I prefer not to do this, I am no leader, it's to hard, i don't have the qualities. I am also not a follower. Because I cannot follow if i do not agree. I do it because i have to. I am not one to like to draw attention to myself, at all. I actually don't want to be the one to say this as it isn't something that is easy for me. But I do to help, since no one will say anything about it. Everyone who knows me better on here, knows that. Knows that I don't act like this usually. It isn't me to cause havoc. I am doing it to teach, I guess in a chaotic way. About what is going on, to make people see, to understand. There are lessons in them, if you choose to dig deep. Not always though, and yes, I am not perfect, but when you see the stark difference as to how CH was and how it is now, I think it is time to put away the subtly and get to the core, without restraint. And I will not back down. I do it because I am the only one who can, it seems. Sometimes, everyone just needs a wake up call to all the problems going on. Full awareness. When you do that, you can start to make things better. Everyone can help out, including myself. I do wonder if people were more open about this to begin with (which, so far, i have not seen properly), if it would have made things better as there would be more understanding. I am not being direct for no reason. I feel it is needed in order to see the problems and to make them better.


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Ninja, sometimes I do not know how to respond. I also have the same question, or I am learning about it. If I cannot help, then I leave the post alone or just bump it.


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Huffette wrote:Ninja, sometimes I do not know how to respond. I also have the same question, or I am learning about it. If I cannot help, then I leave the post alone or just bump it.

I understand that. I never said people have to, especially all the time. It's not rational. But if they can, then they can help if they post. you shouldn't feel like you have to all the time, shouldn't feel like you need to. it has to be something you want to do. Whatever you feel you can do, is OK. And you don't even have to do it all the time. Just when you feel like you can, under your own terms, with your own self, no one should push you. But to just be aware of what is happening, which you already do, is to help out also. :hug:

People cannot do it all the time, it's too hard.

I'm already having a hard time as it is with my life, when I come to CH, I would love to feel at home, and not be scared to have people hating me for nothing more than my own opinions. I am sure others would love this to happen too, become more tolerant, but also not to get so easily offended when someone says something that they do not agree with, perhaps hate. It cannot be avoided, but if we always try our hardest to respect each other, while also being aware that people do not want to have to say nothing in case of causing offense, we will make this place a nicer one to be in. It will never be perfect, as people will always really hate something, or think something is out of order, but it can be easier for everyone if people understood more. If people tried their hardest not to hate and to understand, but still have the courage to say their opinions, things would be easier for everyone as each person has different feelings on things.

It is faulty, but that is because nothing will be perfect. But it will help.


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