There are 2 factors I'm not sure yet about, but may solve in future or with the help of others here ...
One is, I experienced it in a kind of dream-wake state. Not fully dreaming, as I were fully conscious and unlike lucid dreaming where you have to first realize, immediately able to take decisions. But yet again, as I realized later, also not fully awake, more like in a kind of trance maybe, like when I fall sometimes when relaxing my body and thoughts or when meditating. Yet more conscious than in the trance I have experienced through meditation. I can't say for sure...
The other is, I'm not sure if this is the same succubus like long ago. Two nights ago, I did a ritual about summoning a specific race of very little known succubus, also known as "super-succubus" (you will excuse if I don't name it, from past mentions I've gotten the strong feeling it's not wanted to do). However, this lingers in my head for weeks now and also I called one that would be long after me, so it may very well not be a new one at all.
Anyway, this is what happened...
I'm laying on my bed and think I'm kinda waking up as usual and then feel someone approach behind me. Not sure who it is at that point. I usually don't like half of the times when someone approaches behind me and stays there. I had before a similar astral experience where I could feel a hand that felt female touch my hand and I wanted to turn around, she tried to not let me but I insisted and that was the end of it. Maybe it is also an issue with trust (not without reason based on some past experiences) to not have maybe something happen I don't want to, when not knowing so many things in such encounters.
So this time, for whatever reason, I decided to allow, trust and see what happens. So, she (me at that point still trying to understand is it female? do I know that presence?) stays behind me, pressing herself partially on me. I sense her movement, but not much more. I wait patiently and press none of the matters I don't know this time. I try to relax and feel comfortable.
And maybe a minute later, when having let go some of the uncomfortness of her being behind me and of what could happen and so on, that's when it happens. I suddenly start hearing her! A clear female voice speaking to me. Not through my ears, but directly in my head. Very clearly with no interruptions and no need to guess what she says or means or to differentiate from my own thoughts. For the first time ever like this! Her voice has clearly her own tone color (or personal pitch? I'm not sure of the exact word) and is like nothing I would had imagined her.
And she keeps speaking to me. I notice, there's like a by-noise all this time in the background. But otherwise I understand her perfectly and I keep listen to her. The words have mostly escaped now from my memory, but I know I heard every one without missing any at that time and I can remember the main idea she were talking about. Very talkative my lady hehe
She was talking partially about how I have to let things more happen and concentrate less on making them happen or to not concentrate too much when they happen.
Somewhere at that point I "lost the connection" to her and I could not hear her any longer, felt still her presence though. I tried to say to her in thoughts and then in voice, I can't hear her any longer (the background noise was also gone). Luckily, I suppose, I tried to simply relax my thoughts (instead of trying to concentrate on her) and let them simply flow again. And soon I could hear her again.
I think she said to let her try something...
As I was laying on the side and she behind me and then I feel like she moving her leg above mine and rubbing them. Next she moves on my hips her hand in front and I sense how she runs it over my crotch and the legs. This continues for a while, in the meanwhile she kept speaking almost all the time
But then, some time later her hand becoming more manifestive and rather than the rough undefined shape of it it becomes more defined in it's shape, like feeling almost every finger instead of all as one. That's when she reaches on my intimate part and starts massage me there. And I hear how she says full of excitement "Oh I can feel you". I don't know, but does this imply, that manifestation goes two-ways, if we can't feel them as much, they can't either us?
And she keeps becoming more and more and she keeps repeating "I can feel you". I understand at that point, from her movement, that she wants to come above me. So I have to turn on my back. I very slowly start moving myself to turn around, aware I could lose maybe the relaxed state of my mind I'm in and lose the connection to her again.
I manage to turn fully on my back still hearing her voice and then it is when I see her as she moves on top of me. I see her whole shape as a shadowy figure. It is clearly defined in it's shape, not like smoke or something like this (that's what I've been always imagining when people was saying about shadowy figures) but I could see clearly where it starts and ends, exactly like a body just black and transparent. I never before felt so close to her like that moment, seeing (even if limited) and hearing her.
As I keep looking at her, her body starts showing lightly some features in a kind of glowing outlines, like her nose, lips, her breasts and so on (not very defined yet though, partially and randomly seeing them) and I reach to touch her and I can feel her solid and she again says full of excitement "I can feel you".
And then I did again the stupid mistake ... I wanted more and tried to concentrate on her to see and sense more of her and that's when my mind drifted into full awakeness. I could still feel some of her, but not like moments ago, only as I would feel her usually, nor could I hear her voice any longer in my mind. I tried to get back into this relaxed state but it was unfortunately too late...
I never before felt her so close and so "in person". It was an amazing feeling of being so close to and with her (not at all for sexual reasons even at that moment, which we also didn't had). The difference is difficult to describe, between "sensing" her as usually and "feeling" her directly like here if someone has not experienced it. You feel so much closer.
I hope I can experience this soon again with her and hear her voice again.
