Recap: How did I wind up on the LHP?

[Ghostly Decibels]

This is a recap from satanandsuns dot com, Adelphia and Akelta's LHP forum. I want to share this write-up with those of you who are asking how I ended up on the LHP and as a keeper of DCs.

I spent most of my 30 something years on the RHP, so I have a few things to share with respect to how I ended up on the LHP and what the LHP represents in my life at the moment.

I was raised Christian and considered myself devout as a child (one doesnt know any better at such a young age). In my teens, I got upset because I could see increasingly that I was being lied to and so I rebelled and turned against "God". Then, I went through a period of nothingness, that's really how one can describe it, devoid of anything, no path, and it was incredibly depressing and put me in a very bad place as I am the kind of person who needs SOMETHING to define my existence... then I went through a number of "religious"-type awakenings which I have detailed on CH...During the time of my "religious" awakenings in my 20's, I also practiced buddhist chant and yoga daily and awakened my kundalini, which lead to periods where I experienced a sense of oneness with the universe, a sense of being a part of the overall fabric of the Universe... I researched and dabbled with various paths, like wicca (hated it, too hippie) and even got into the outer order of a Golden Dawn group only to drop out several times in my life... the last time I tried, about 2 years ago, I was at the height of my psychism and could sense the leaders of the Order around me anytime I performed an exercise... still, I dropped out, citing my busy schedule, etc. Now, I realize it wasn't right for me.

The RHP is one based on unity with the Source/God/whatever you wanna call the Divine. There is no sense of individualism or self, there is a dependence on wanting to be like God, who is perfection. In the case of being raised a Christian, anything that didn't fit into the angelic scheme had to be demonic and that meant "evil". I spent most of my life living in fear whenever I interacted with the spirit world, which was quite frequent considering the fact that I was born with psychic sensitivities.

How did I make the transition, albeit safely, to the LHP without serious internal conflict of the type to get me in spiritual trouble? I started answering a calling to voodoo and through my relationship with Papa Legba, asked to speak with my "loa met tet", which can be loosely described as the thelemic Aleister Crowley version of the Holy Guardian Angel (HGA). My HGA, one night, pulled a release in my psyche, and in that moment, I felt a stripping sensation... and all of a sudden, I realized all these truths that had eluded me for years, having been socially-conditioned to be a RHP person... In that moment, in my utter confusion, I called out to my spirits and entities, and I heard the voice of my fallen dark archangel (the only one in my keep at the time) loud and clear... when in the past, despite my telepathic abilities, he had always seemed completely "out-of-range", difficult to hear, difficult to reach... I heard him loud and clear, as if someone opened up the lines between us.

The next morning I awoke and looked around, and everything, I mean, EVERYTHING, looked different. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror and my eyes looked different as well, they glowed with a different light than before. I feel utterly cheesy saying that I felt like I'd been reborn, but that's how it felt, staring at myself in the mirror.

Things have been different ever since.

First signs were the typical archangels like Michael indicating no desire to work with me, which left me in shock and confusion... then followed by Ascended Masters like Yogananda whom I'd previously converse with.... all of them turned away from me.

More experiences soon followed, which I have detailed in my personal blog.

The fear, that socially-conditioned fear which crippled my quality of life for 30+ years... is gone. And now, on this new path, things have changed for me as well in my normal day-to-day life. I picked a career where I could help people but at the expense of myself... yet now for the first time in my entire adult life, I have a desire to take care of "self", there is a sense of "self" whereas before only a sense of sacrifice for the greater good. This is not to say I'm going to throw away my desire to change the world, one person at a time, but since the LHP shift, I'm looking at self-sufficiency (which in turn can support my altruism) versus self-sacrifice, if that makes any sense.

I really don't care what anyone here thinks about the LHP, considering how I got here, and how many trials and tribulations I've had to overcome to get here. I don't think the LHP is for everyone and getting here isn't a matter of just saying, "Well, I'm just more drawn to DA, WA is too happy and fluffy for me.... maybe one day I will keep demons too!" From my experience alone, I theorize that sometimes the path we currently find ourselves on is more rooted in social-conditioning (which then has its own hold on the psyche) than in who we are and our authentic selves. Getting to that authentic self is the catalyst for all the other amazing experiences which will follow. NOT getting to the authentic self, you risk getting yourselves into a world of hurt bringing entities into your life that are not right for you.

I feel that many newbies are drawn to the LHP and demons for the reasons set forth in Zarathustra's FAQ thread (which he does a great job of parodying). Were I not to have found that psychological trigger through my loa met tet, I would not be a keeper of DCs... I'd be doing myself a lot of damage and placing myself in danger. I do not think a conscious decision to bring demons into one's keep is the way to go about getting on the LHP, it requires far more work with the subconscious and more work in stripping away the layers of social-conditioning to reach one's authentic self than just deciding one is more suited for the LHP than the RHP. Now, some people are BORN into the LHP, each individual is unique in that way, but I myself, I wasn't given a choice because of my social environment and culture.

I would venture to say that 99.9% of the people reading this post and who frequent this site (myself included) do not know who they are 100%. Life is a journey of self-discovery for this very reason -- we are born completely helpless and with no recollection of who we once were in our previous lives... metaphysical/occult practices bring us in tune with who we once were and are now in this lifetime.

[darklordmidnight]

Wonderful post, bavo!

[Huffette]

That post took a lot of courage, and I applaud that. I know that I was born on the RHP, but I also know that for my protection and knowledge venture, I will stay on the RHP.

I don't feel drawn to the LHP, so I feel that it is wrong for me, and that is ok. We can still learn together.

[Sequinox]

Beautiful. I don't see myself as taking this path, but I respect it and enjoy hearing about it. Thank you so much for sharing!

Sorry for the cheesy misquote, but this has been running through my head since I read this.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and you, you took the road less traveled through.... and that has made all the difference.

[AmnesiaReminisced]

Terror,

Thank you for sharing this.

It's enlightening to hear someone's unique story and perspective as some of us are very confused at the moment. I also applaud you.

[Gryphonista]

Beautiful. I don't see myself as taking this path, but I respect it and enjoy hearing about it. Thank you so much for sharing!

Sorry for the cheesy misquote, but this has been running through my head since I read this.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and you, you took the road less traveled through.... and that has made all the difference.

Cheesy? Whhhaaaa? I love this quote

Sorry, I should be cut off from writing after I have had my ambien for the night. But, I had to let you know Terror, that writing about this, can help all of us, on any path...

I lean towards White Arts, but now that I am meeting some DA spirits that are so incredible, I am totally understanding what I didnt when I started. Being able to read other peoples stories really helps you the most... so Many Thanks for putting up this thread :dancing:

[Gryphonista]

Wait, that made sense right?

[Sequinox]

Wait, that made sense right?

Yes, you did good. Also, I love the quote, the misquote was the cheesy part

[Aeryn K Angel]

:thumbup: BRAVO! :thumbup:
Lady... you know I admire you! :yes::
Most people tend to be weak, in that they live their life not how they are meant to, but how they think everyone else wants them to. You are doing what is best for YOU. I respect that... highly!
You go, girl!

[Abundance]

Terror, like others mentioned, I greatly respect your openness about the changes you going through. I've found your posts to be very knowledgeable