Hi lori67k
Thanks again for your reply. Your way to kind. Your right CH are very busy to and I can see why. My posts accidentally got lost. I'm alright with it to. Thanks for welcoming me here and I welcome others here to. Even though I'm still new and in learning process. There is so many things to learn and still learning in future. It's why I always like this Motto, I think it goes " You always can teach old Dog new tricks" as well as. Magnolia's Motto here. I think it's "Knowledge is Power" In a way both are true. (I'm going way off topic) Shhh, but in a way after reading in abut us section.
On How Magnolia became on who she is and worked hard especially to where she is now. I also booked mark it. But in a way I admire her Journey. In a way consider her a Hero of sorts and a way I want to push myself. To be like her in a sense. I now it sounds weird saying that especially since new and all. But my depression is really holding me back. Especially hitting hard during Holidays. It does every year. But even after holidays. I still have depression. My new pills not helping me. I'm thinking of double it. But according to my 1 PSN friend who has Bipolar to and almost my 2nd half. She said this pill didn't helped her. But now I keep seeing these 2 different kinds of Depression Medicine. Even though I don't trust Pills as well I believe it does Harm Body and get addicted to. (That's what I worry with Pills, I want to try Herbal Remedies. I talked with my Doctor's. But keep getting Pills are better...)
But these 2 TV Advertisement's help with Bipolar Depression. So since I do have ADHD/ADD, Depression, Bipolar as well as learning Disability (I'm slowly fighting this) I just wonder if my depression and Bipolar is not separate. But instead I have Bipolar Depression. If that's the case, No wonder my past pills and new one not work. It's just I also greatly distrust Pills as well as harmful effects. I also don't want to be in what is known "Zombie Effect" again. The drooling, not aware of who you and your surroundings. Basicly to drugged up. I don't want to go through that again. Hence Probably Why I greatly distrust Pills, as to why I want Natural Remedies. Especially my depression (Or Bipolar Depression, which I wonder now. Instead of Separate) I tend to Sleep way more (basically wasting my life away. Since I'm stuck where I'm at and Farm not busy now. I do take care of my Adoptive Grandma. She really scares me. She supposed to use Oxygen24/7. DR orders.
But she refuses accept for night time. She breathes really hard in morning and afternoon. Every time she moves. I keep offering Oxygen. Refuses even when my Adoptive Mom next door, which is My adoptive Grandma's Daughter. Her and I try to push her to use Oxygen 24/7. She doesn't want to. We can't force her to. I love her deeply. But I fear she won't make it within 2 years if she keeps going this route. Or less. She 86 right now. I do check on her every time at night. She does tend to forget Oxygen at times. She scares me, when this happens. It not going so well with my adoptive mom, to. Baisicly it's why I moved to my Adoptive Grandma's House next door.
Which I currently at. But if my Grandma does pass, I'm not welcome on the farm and My Adoptive Mom has Plans for me even if I like it or not. I don't know what these plans are. But hence why I wanted move out next year. I'll be 27 next year. But I'm needed on farm, rather if we like it or not. Until my Grandma Passes. Which is sad to think about. But even though I love my Adoptive Grandma and my Adoptive Mom deeply. I'm honestly not happy where I'm at. Which no offense. But nothing to do here, as well if I move to Upper Valley for Temporarily when time comes.
I plan to go far away from Both Lower and Upper Yakima Valley. I mean sure I do consider this my New home ever since I went foster Care here and got adopted in 2005. That be 12 1/2 years and 13 years when I used to live for when I was growing up with my Birth Family. 1/2 a year of somewhere else before my Bio Mom signed her rights away while 2 Under cover Police man parked in burger King next door. Waiting for me inside until I came home from School, couple blocks away. Anways I'm an adventurer. My Worries an depression is mostly cause of my Own Prison away from Civilization. But I'm an Adventurer, I was meant to see things.
Meant to see differentCultures and Religion's not to mentionI greatly feel that I was meant to become a Spirit Keeper and or towards something else later on. I was meant to see the world, learn new things. Even though I'm more towards hands on experience. In which um, about Black Arts though. But as a Spirit Keeper, I strongly feel I shoud learn all 3, WA, DA and BA. I'm learning the risks about BA. I just don't want to get caught of guard. I do got 4 Spirits that are Protective and 3 spells. But it's not enough and never will be. I know Ash said we also need to Check our protection from time to time.)
Ok so sorry Not mean to vent. and going way of topic. I tend to do that with my emotions as I write. By the way getting back with depression I'm eating way more (Despite my Doctor visit in November, Said I lost a lot of weight. I'm unsure how.) But with my depression, it's very unfair for my Spirits. I seem to ignore them when I sleep (Unnaturally, due to depression) I really don't mean to ignore them and I really want to push Myself like Magnolia did, before her Career here. In a way I do Consider Her a Hero. Not sure if it's very odd to say that. I meant nothing offensive.
But I really want to push myself way hard. Towards my goals in life. Plus my new dreams. But my Depression is really holding me back and very unfair for my Spirits/ Living Entity. I now also think my Sever Depression is a blockage. I can feel, least have a feeling. That my Spirits are trying to talk to me. Trying to help me with my depression in a sense. Its hard to explain. It's just I can sense it. Sense them trying to reach me. But my head really hurts. I honestly don't think it's me due to getting use to Dark Arts Energy. It's just this one Succubus V. From a different seller.
Scratched me really hard, letting me know she was here. But no headache. Plus not I strongly believe it was my Wraith, floating above my bed. I can sense something was there on top of my bed floating. Unsure where at. But as I reached my arm towards the ceiling while I was laying in bed. My Arm grew really numb.It not hurt. So hence, I really don't think it's me adjusting to DA energy. I truly believe my Depression is a blockage. Every time I can sense them trying to speak to me and reach out to me. I get sever headache. I strongly believe my Depression is a blockage or is it my 3rd eye.
Due to me having Natural Partially Opened 3rd Eye. Hence why I can't wait for my 3rd eye kit to come, as well as 3rd eye soap and 3rd eye oils. To hopefully fully opened my 3rd eye. I'm willing to do anything for my Spirits. Even though they are with me Temporarily until my time ends.
I consider them my 2nd family in a sense, friends and other things. I just worry my spirits feel left out. I want them to go where ever I want. As well as watching tv together. I don't Play much Elder Scrolls Online anymore. I just want to learn. But with me sleeping un naturally due to my Severe depression. It's making things difficult and I believe unfair for my Spirits. I do feel bad. I do offer food offerings. I just unsure how to make it up to them even with my Severe depression.
I'm so very sorry for going way of topic. I found writing helps me cope and is my coping mechanism. To express myself freely and don't hold anything inside of me. Hence I tend to write very long threads honestly. due expressing my emotions, fears, anxiety and expressions. I dislike it when others on Elder Scroll Forum write "lol to much to read, didn't read.
Plus they get agree's insightful and awesomes. to farm stars. Because they feel they need to bully other's. In which I honestly dislike. But even though I'm trying to get used to CH forum here. I actually love this forum more and feel I could express myself freely here. It's just if I did offende others I wish they let me know. Because without me knowing, it's hard to tell if I offended others and why I always add no offense.(I aslo really like having no stars, insightful's, awesome and agree in this forum. Haven't tried any others ith upvote and down vote though.)
But I agree that we are special here. But just need to tell myself I'm special. (My mind is clouded and conflict) I'm just so realy glad I'm guided here to CH. (Things really creepy became more strong, Until I found CH it stop. By the way if I smell what is like Sulfur and rotten eggs. Was that my Unbound Succubus A.
)
Yep this got way off topic. lol. Oops. But I'm an Adventurer and was meant to learn (Probaly why I feel strongly I wan't a thriving/living Community of Spirits and Living Entity. I have 35+ currently. I welcome any Un bounds to, as long they don't harm and mischief as well as they follow my House rules. But I was meant to see the world, learn, learn and so much Research. Mostly towards Hands On experience. In which feel stronly learn to with all 3. WA,DA and BA. But I'm aware of the dangers. Especially thanks towards ASH, giving warning to. I always wonder why Ash writes in caps. It's as if he yelling at us. But I relize Ash Does care about each and all of us. I think Ash wants us to be safe, but also let us choose to what we decide to choose. Especially what sacrifices and dangers and what we regret. So in a Way. I guess Ash is my Hero as well. In a way, I kinda like him in a sence. It's just I tend to put myself in danger. Sure I won't learn my lesson. in a sense.
But I learn way better with Hands on Experience, instead of written literature. As well as pushing myself and testing myself. to learn myself. So in a way right now I consider as pushing one self towrds danger. I know it's not recommended to work with BA and I think basically BA will cause all of us harm, especially kill. But when time is right. When I get more research and Knowledge, I'll get BA Spirits or Entity in future and BA Magick.
But I won't do it for wanting revenge or cause harm purposefully. In a way I want to respect BA and to learn BA. As well as all the dangers. I honestly was thinking of getting BA from Lilith's Tavern Next Month. But more I think about it, I don't think I'm ready as well currently I'm Unstable. Mostly towards my Sever Depression and Constant Worries. But even with the warnings. Yes I am greatly vey Interested in BA, May it be BA Magick and or BA Spirit/Living Entity. I'm also aware of Dangers and I greatly respect ASH warning.
Would I heed Ash's warnings. Yes and No. But until I'm ready to have BA. But I feel I was meant to learn all 3 Categories. To learn all the Warnings. Learn everything. It's kinda like this rule I found online. I forgot how it mostly goes. But it's the 3 way rule. I think you can do what ever you choose. but remember what ever you do. It's 3x come unfold." Yep, I forgot most of it. probaly accidentally miss stuff. Hence I'm not ready for BA lol.
But learning is what I was meant to do and I want to learn. It's just I'm to trusing and techinaly believe majority also that one famous quote. how does it go? O yes! Vampires don't Glitter lol" Who knew? Someday I want to go in living Coven. I know I will say names wrong so very sorry. Even though I was Scared about the last 2 religious beliefs. I'm currently searching. I was raised off and on Christian. But meant no disrespect I believe it's not meant for me. But I still have my Bio Mom letter that was given to me. She wants me to keep practice Christain Faith.
I have nothing against beliefe. I meant no Offense. But I believe Christian belif is not meant for me especialy I sarted to question my beliefs early Febuary of this 2017 yr. As a Spirit Keeper I also shoud respect all religions and others beliefs to. Hence again my part of me want to study Cultres and religions to, especially now with my Spirit's and Entity to. The more I think about it. It's probably where I lean towards. In which I have come to terms. Least try to and meant no offense. But Pagan/Wiccan and Luciferian/Satanism (I don't know right names) But it's fear I had with last 2. But that's why fear of the unknown is a very great weapon. also my sever depression. But more I talk about this with my Spirits. The more I want to learn about the last 2. But that 1 person was right. Before I go search for living Community. I need to learn more about Myself.
"When the Time comes. The right People will come and search for you" It's just how would i know when my time is right. What if the right Person had come and I jut ignored it. Once I get better with my communication with my Spirits, would my Spirits know? Or would my Spirits know Something, that I don't know and Living Coven's.
Would they let me know when the time is right? I'm going to copy this to another thread. Since it is going off topic. But for time being I'll just put this here. But I really like each and every one of you and nice to meet you to lori67k