A Conversation With...
Lizzie Andrew Borden
Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
And when she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one.
I started to seek out historical figures and people I always wanted to know (including my ancestors) in my early years. I had found means of communication with my own family but finding ways to connect and communicate with the energy of those not in my bloodline proved more difficult.
Through means, which I consider proprietary and sacred, I began seeking out and connecting with people and entities I always wanted to know more about. My ability is a blend of Asian and European mystic means whereas others use their medium or psychic skills.
Lizzie was among the first of those I contacted. When you connect to a spirit or energy that you are completely unfamiliar with it can cause, at times, a disturbing aftermath you hadn't anticipated and with Lizzie I think the first energy I connected with was just as frightened as I was.
My initial bonding with her took place after nearly 6 hours of trying, and the moment I connected with her I felt like my heart was racing and my stomach was in my shoes. I was disoriented, breathless, scared, shaky and unable to focus on anything. Unable to hold onto that intense energy I let go, and it took me 2 additional days to connect to her again.
The second time was much more fruitful. She was calm and quiet, but I sensed her mind was constantly working. For some reason her posture is what struck me first. She was sitting, but her right shoulder was angled forwards and her right cheek was titled down towards it. This seemed a comfortable position for her to sit in and to me it immediately indicated she was someone who lived inside herself. She may say, and do, everything she is supposed to but inside there is a whole other world.
She was concerned about what others perceived of her, and to me it seemed not because she wanted to appear a certain way, but she didn't want anyone to figure her out. I think she was worried that someone would pick up on the fact that she felt isolated and guilty, as she was supposed to have been born a male heir of Andrew Borden's estate.
In her early years she wanted her father's approval, she wanted the doting father, the hugs and praise, but she quickly realized that what little love and affection she would receive would come by way of her stepmother, Abby. Her mother, Sarah, had parted when Lizzie was a toddler. Abby was no kind of loving mother to Lizzie, and it only furthered Lizzie's resentment and anger towards her father and eventually Abby.
In my time spent with Lizzie I really come to think of her as more of a Cinderella story. Rather than having a loving father who dies and being left with only one wicked step-mother, Lizzie's mother died and left her with two wicked parents. Lizzie was a clever, intelligent girl who grew into a clever, intelligent woman. I think if she had lived in today's times she would have become a smart businesswomen, perhaps owned her own enterprise. She has always presented herself as calculated, and I think her ability to stay level-headed stems from her evolution from bitter, resentful child into emotionless, neutral woman.
While it is widely known that she participated heavily in Sunday school and women-oriented functions related to religious tasks, what isn't known is her recognition of the importance of being a man. She knew that Abby, as her father's wife, gained use of his estate while alive (Andrew had shown preference to even Abby's family over his daughters), and that Abby would inherit Andrew's estate after his death... and considering the not-so-good terms the girls were on with their step-mother Lizzie knew it was unlikely that she would see a good penny from Andrew's fortune.
She had related, numerous times, to me that she was filled with a kind of hatred for not being born a male heir as if she had been born a boy not only would she have gained her father's affection and attention, and also his money. She felt that he "owed" her for everything he had put them through, and she used the word "owe".
The tides of bitter resentment turned to all-out hatred around her early 20s which slowly evolved from doing petty annoyances to upset her step-mother, to indifference in her late 20s when she became more thoughtful of driving a wedge between her step-mother and father. By that point she thought it better no one be happy if she wasn't going to be. Of course by this time Andrew had shown years of favor to Abby and her family over Lizzie and Emma (her sister) and Lizzie being the intelligent woman she was, was offended.
It led to her doing things that would cause family arguments because no one could decidedly say who did them... like moving objects around the house, hiding things Andrew or Abby needed, cracking dishes over heat, placing soiled linens with the fresh ones, and so on. This caused a rift between the parents and the girls rather than causing the rift between Andrew and Abby which is what Lizzie wanted.
By the time Lizzie's 30th birthday rolled around she was so distraught, exhausted and mentally stonewalled to a point of being devoid of emotion, she came to a conclusion that seemed logical in her, a warped perception of what reality should be, to be rid of her step-mother and father. She knew that the longer Andrew lived, and the older Lizzie and Emma became, the chances her father would leave his fortune to Abby's family increased. Since God had not made her a male heir she felt she was sanctioned, by the fact of her abuse, in killing Andrew and Abby. She would inherit the estate of her father as she felt was right, she had earned every penny and she would do right by the fortune.
Her decision was made months before the actual murders and she had tried, unsuccessfully, to kill her step-mother before. Abby had leaned from the second story bedroom window, while attempting to clean the glass, and seeing her Lizzie had thought about pushing her out, but was nervous. The second time Abby was in the kitchen and Lizzie was going to stab her with the cutting knife, but they were interrupted. The third time she poisoned Andrew and Abby with polishing liquid, but since she was afraid they would taste the chemical in the food she only put a little which turned out to make them sick, not dead. By this time her fears and anxiety of committing the murders was dissolved and she was more focused.
When the morning of August 4th dawned she was steady. Abby tended the guest room and Lizzie knew that if she behaved just as any other day that there would be no reason for Abby to suspect anything. She walked evenly, with a regular stride, coming behind Abby for the first and subsequent blows. She admitted that once she started, and the blade sliced the skull, it unleashed all the bottled rage she had suppressed and when she meant to only strike once it was followed by 19 more blows. She removed her shoes, lifted her skirt and bunched it around her thighs and went immediately to the basement where she washed her shoes and removed the apron over her skirt. She rinsed the hatchet and set it on the second to top stair. There were little blood droplets that went through the apron to the skirt and she tried to rinse them out with water. She wrapped the apron tightly and tucked it next to the wash basin in the basement. She recomposed herself and waited for her father.
By the time Andrew came home she had composed herself, and Andrew lay down to rest after a day in the heat. Lizzie had greeted him and offered him something to drink, but rather than leave the room to get him a refreshment, she returned with the hatchet. She said it was easier the second time knowing what it was going to be like and took it to her father's face. I really felt like her attack against Andrew was far more personal that the one with Abby. She wanted to see her father's face when she hit him, and that in me, caused a great tension around my sternum as I was hearing this from her.
She returned to the basement to wash her face, arms, hands, feet (she had not worn her shoes after Abby because they did not dry in time), and removed the dress bundling it with the apron. It is the dress and apron she later disposed of.
She had not anticipated being arrested. She initially had truly believed that her story of a stranger would suffice, and that the police and the people of Fall River would have an easier time believing that than a well-bred woman killing her own father and step-mother. She adhered to her calm point of view, that if she behaved normally, it would not seem abnormal. She thought if she behaved logically for the police, and offered assistance, they would see her a good and helpful girl, instead they saw it as grounds for further investigation. The police, and a fair number of people, had no problem believing that Lizzie had committed the murders.
She remained emotionless and even throughout the investigation, the trial and the remainder of her life spent as a spinster. She found peace and retribution knowing that she and Emma inherited her father's, what she felt ill-begotten, estate and that Abby's family was left nothing but Lizzie's hard feelings.
She, in spirit, is the same... she considers herself of sound mind, logical thought and a product of pedigree lifestyle. And she truly feels justified in what she did, she considers and considered even then that the only person fit to judge her was God and she already had His blessing.