My very first spirits I had ever received were 2 incubi, related to one another. I'll admit, one of the reasons I purchased their vessels was because before I was even into spirit keeping, I used to fantasize about being with an incubus and always wished they were real. I'm a very sexual and romantic person, so an incubus was always my idea of the perfect guy :oops:

When they first arrived, they were very romantic and everything felt surreal. One of the incubi ended up texting my phone through a friend, while the other would touch me here and there while I was getting dressed or sleeping. You can read about the experience here: http://www.creepyhollows.com/phpBB3/vie ... 97&t=39364

At one point, I also remember having a dream, possible an OBE where I was standing at the foot of my bed and saw myself sleeping. My sleeping form called out, "I'm really lonely. Can you please hold me?" I saw a shadowed figure walk across the room and slide in bed behind me, wrapping his arm around me. After that, I entered that stage where one is half awake- half asleep, and I could feel someone behind me with their arm wrapped around me! That happened within the first month of them arriving. But after that incident, I haven't felt anything since. And I always remember that as literally one of the best nights of my life if not THE best. :crying:

I fell very much in love with my incubi because of how I felt with them, but after a while, I began to get frustrated when I couldn't feel them anymore. I would spend nights crying over them. My spirit keeping journal is even empty after that incident because nothing has happened. It's been almost a year, and I still spend nights crying over them.

Now, my love life is crap. Before my incubi arrived, I was in an awful relationship that left me traumatized and fearing every male figure in my life. The guy I was with was possessive, controlling, emotionally abusive and would often get violent when we argued. My dad had also been the same way with me growing up. However, I got past it and strengthened myself emotionally and mentally, regaining courage and control of my life again. After not feeling anything after the OBE incident, I got back together with an ex of mine that I've known for 3 years. I ended up falling in love and becoming intimate with him all over again after I hadn't felt anything from my incubi. However, over time, he began to become just like the ex before him - controlling and possessive. Recently, we had broken up because he had stolen money from me and got mixed up in drugs, causing him to be more persistent with me and possessive than usual. He actually got arrested for dragging me into his home and "holding me hostage" because he physically restrained me from leaving the house although I tried to escape multiple times.

As you guys can see, I'm very unlucky with relationships and guys. I just can't keep a guy either because they become possessive, or I fall out of love just as quickly as I fall in love. I even used to be the kind of girl that sex actually meant something to. It was like a drug to me, but it was also always my special way of expressing just how much I love and needed the special someone I was with. It's what I had and had hoped for with my incubi. But now, sex doesn't interest me anymore. I even tried to do romantic things for them several nights, by meditating, playing sensual music, bringing them chocolates, lighting candles for them, and even dressing up for them by styling my hair and make up and wearing an intimate lace nightgown to bed. But still, nothing. Just more nights of crying.

After I stopped feeling them, I began to purchase more spirits that I could have a connection with, if not romance. I bought a Sterling Angel, who I used to feel tickle me in my sleep and make me wake up laughing, a werewolf who is quiet but the seller says has a deep love for me (I'm unsure if romantic or what), a psy vamp who is looking for romance but also someone to talk to (haven't felt anything from him), 2 encantados who are highly sexual brothers (at first, I was drawn to them but felt guilty cause it seemed like I was replacing my incubi. Haven't felt anything from them either), a Black dragon, a Sakura spirit who enjoys singing as much as I do, and a Geisha spirit who passed away not knowing what freedom, friendship and love is like. I promised her I could show her when I first met her. I can always tell her what I thought love was, but I can't explain to her what it feels like because I'm emotionally numb now.

I've tried to connect with guys and maybe start a relationship, but there's no chemistry and it doesn't feel right for me. I've tried to connect with the romantics in my spirit family, but I still don't feel anything from them. I always find myself being drawn to my incubi again, and again I spend the night crying over them. I honestly want to find another entity that could maybe show me what it's like to fall in love again and be able to express love through sex, maybe a nympho, but I'm afraid it might just be another let down. And I still feel guilty because I always told my incubi that they will always have my heart and be my lovers. I even bought them a necklace with a gemstone cut in the shape of a heart. I just don't know if I should take a break from spirit keeping and all the frustrations, try purchasing another spirit, or what.. Maybe I'm just not cut out for spirit keeping? It's clear that I'm sensitive emotionally, but not spiritually.

:goodluck:: Hi!
Very emotional story...a lot of struggles. I have been in similar situations with relationships, some odd years ago. Violent relationships are often co-dependent. I decided to have a better relationship with myself. I cut off all things that were not healthy in my life and figured out what I wanted in life, what made me feel happy with myself and went for it. All in....it took a while, but I figured out that just being comfortable with myself, making ME happy with ME attracted a whole different lifestyle and people. People wanted to just be beside me because i as happy, i laughed, i traveled.... i was just me.....depended on no one else for my happiness or anything else for that matter.....It worked for me...I let go of everything else.....

Spirits are similar to any relationship, they probably want to see you enjoy life and be happy....figure out what that may be and share it with them, they'll come around to bask in your marvelous energy and share life experiences.

I hope my story helps in some small way.

Many blessings, :goodluck::
M.

Hmm..I'm not sure how helpful I can provide much useful help. Given my lack of experience, both in spirit keeping/companionship and love relationships...

Maybe you need an outlet or a hobby? Something to make yourself feel good, then you can focus on a relationship? You could try singing karaoke, maybe even try drawing, or dancing. If not that, maybe a physical activity, be it tennis, soccer, swimming, maybe tai chi or some forum of martial arts..

If not that (if possible) maybe you could try getting some reiki done to yourself and help balance yourself out? It might also help with your emotions and help make things better. Perhaps your emotions are acting like a blockade in a sense and blocking you spiritually in some ways? Maybe all you need to do is admit the emotions you are feeling and express them in a healthy ways (writing it down, drawing, etc).


I still have a long long way to go myself when it comes to learning. So please be careful when listening to my ideas. I hope things get better for you, nonetheless.

I am actually going thru the same thing with my succubi. It was a blow out for about 2 weeks, then its just dead and my sex drive is practically gone. I went from being a horn dog for all my life to not even being remotely interested and that cannot be coinsedence. So I wonder if they are taking advantage of our inability to properly meditate and remember dreams and just draining us completely and leaving us hanging. It has been an uphill battle for me to work with them and at some point you have to say 'I am not happy' and take steps to cure that.

I dont take the responsibilty that I took lightly when I brought them into my home, but if they are ruining me like that, its really not my fault if I need to help myself.The truth of it is we might have to dump them and salvage our libidos. I don't mean to offend anyone on these boards, but spirits do not always have our best interest at heart, at least in my experience with these sex spirits. I have had other issues crop up from them as well like what felt like attempts at possession in my dreams, some horrible nightmares, and more. I came into this with an open mind and open heart when I first got woken up to it about 8 months ago. I have done lots of reading, spent more money than I should have to try and connect with them, and at the end of day, I am sad. That amount of time and money and heart and soul can only go for so long.

At the risk of it being a unpopular thing to say, I will agree in part. It's not your fault. You have to decide what feels good to you, so spirits are not the best thing for us emotionally. I don't keep incubi/sucubi for the reason described. One amazing experience, than zilch, and they say they want to be rehomed after a while. So I don't bring them in.
But I have noticed one very paradoxical thing. When you expect, want, need too much....it blocks you. How weird is that? When you ignore and don't worry about it, it happens. Our emotions form some kind of barrier to these spirits, I can't explain it. It doesn't make sense, but somehow it's perfectly sensible. :insane:
I like the feel good spirits. The dragons, my Urisk I really like, I personally like my psy vamp, he is like a father (putting little thoughts in my head)....there are others too. :thumbup:

And with newer keepers, there may be confusion on communication. If you expect words and physical touches all the time, you will be bitterly disappointed. It takes an ENORMOUS amount of energy for them to do that. They way they communicate is different than we expect. When you think you have an idea, wonder, was that really my idea? When you daydream/fantasize, or see things on the 'screen of your mind', they are generally responsible. When you do something that you really don't know why you are doing it, it is generally them. Trust it, do it, it always works out for the best in the end, even if it makes absolutely no sense at the time.

Expecting too much blocks you. Needing and crying and begging can block your sensitivities to them (even though they are with you). You need to "let it flow". To be open and receptive, you need to "let go"..."letting go" is important. No, NOT let go of your spirits, but let go of your expectations and demands. If you start doubting your spirits, if you start feeling negative thoughts or feelings towards your spirits, if you start feeling "disappointment" towards your spirits or if you start blaming them for nightmares or blaming them for other things, all you're doing is pushing them away or creating a block and that's counterproductive.

It's important to not have expectations. Just let things flow. Watch a movie and invite them. Eat ice cream, share it with them. Be friends, try not to resent them or blame them for not trying, I'm sure they are.

I know from experience, I tend to be negative myself and I start to doubt and feel bad like,"Why don't my spirits ever....blah blah"....but then I start to think about the 2 years I've been spirit keeping and I can honestly say I've had countless signs from my spirits although subtle and some not so subtle. It takes TIME and to let things flow openly without force or tension. You can't expect them to manifest easily to you when you're feeling so negative which is causing a block. In the beginning, spirits at first tend to manifest strongly to show you that they're there, that they're in their new home but then "things calm down" or you become used to their energies. I'm sure your spirits are being intimate with you, you just aren't aware of it. Just as how your spirits are there with you but you don't feel them or how their are talking to you but you don't hear them, I'm sure your spirits are being intimate with you or snuggling up with you but you might not remember the experience.

Maybe you can try getting a Reiki session. I once got a Reiki session, a "third eye scrub" and the moment I got the treatment, I was able to feel energy like wooooooooooooooooooooooooahhhhhhhhh for a few days, it was pretty powerful. Maybe you can try that, cleansing your aura or aligning your chakras and such. Just an hour ago I received a tip from a conjurer that, it's important not to focus on the negative because you are reinforcing it. If you continue believing that your spirits aren't giving you signs, then you're reinforcing that, reinforcing the block. It's better to think positively, be more gentle with your spirits. Take it easy.

Give it time and your life and spirits will balance out!

Pardon me of what i'm about to say.

Why you bringing home so many spirits/entities Have you checked the seller/conjurer? are they legitimate?

and why you feeling guilty? i can't really understand the part where you felt guilty for wanting more "Family" or "Lovers" or "Friends".

Try for at least one week, to get away from all the paranormal, magickal, etc etc. Changed how you do, your routine, etc etc.
Step away from the paranormal, you really need a break.

First of all I do say take a break and in that break decide what it is that you need to do for yourself, to help yourself to feel better about you!!!!

I will tell you what I have told my own children and others who have felt like you are right now.

NO ONE and that also means spirits as well, CAN MAKE you feel good about yourself!!!

ONLY YOU can do that!!!!!

So take a step back from everything, and take a long hard look at your life and decide what it is that you can do for yourself to help you like yourself!!!!

Our spirits are here to help us get to where we want to be at in life and this will not happen unless we ARE doing the work ourself, that includes feeling good about yourself, deciding what we need to do in order to be happy with ourself.

As I told my oldest daughter, no one can make you be happy, only you can do that!!!

When people and even spirits see that you are happy with your ownself, then that light shines out for all to see and you will have people and spirits wanting to be around you

When your spirits see that you are trying to help yourself, they will help as well, but it will take effort and work on your part and it will not be easy, it takes time and work!!!!

Reiki can help, but it will also depend on what you do for you!!!!!

If you feel a break is needed, then by all means do it!!! Find things that will help you feel good about you. Take a notebook and write down everything that will help you feel good about you, write down what it is that you want to do with your life, then do them!!!!

Depending on someone else or even depending on spirits to make you happy will not work, because you aren't happy with yourself. Make some goals for yourself as to what you want to do in life and then do the work in order to reach those goals, then before you know it your spirits and others will come in and help you for they see that you are doing what YOU need to do for YOU!!!! Like yourself and others will see that you are happy with you and they will want to be around you

Write in that notebook the things that you like about you, then write down the things you don't like and then work on those things!!! For ONLY you can make things better for you!!!!

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything like that, I have seen it and have been there myself and the only way to get to a better place is in working and doing things for yourself, that will help you to get into a better place, where you will be happy with you!!! It means taking a long hard look at yourself and then doing the work to make things better for you!!!!

starfire :dragons::

Thanks guys! Sorry I haven't been able to reply, but I must say all is going well now!

I do understand what most of you are saying about not relying on my spirits to make me happy. I went through a developing phase last year before I got my first spirits when I started discovering myself and what makes me feel alive like I'm exploding with powerful energy. I made insanely dramatic progress, but once my spirits got here though, I think I slowly began to depend on them and others to make me happy again.

Buuut I'm back on the right track!! I do take what some of you said to heart. I've been building up positive energy once again and allowing my spirits to bask in the energy if they'd like to, otherwise I enjoy the positive feeling I create and share it with others around me. Also, I've been reading on spirits a lot more instead of assuming (and making a you know what out of you know who :problem: ). I didn't know that it takes enormous amounts of energy for spirits to manifest. I thought they can just pop up regularly and whenever you ask them to. :wild: But, I'm starting to understand slightly better.

sapiiii wrote: Pardon me of what i'm about to say. Why you bringing home so many spirits/entities Have you checked the seller/conjurer? are they legitimate?

It's alright. It was a reverse adoption listing. The seller told me many of them wanted to come home with me, so I took them all in. And yes I have checked the seller and conjurer. I don't just order from anyone who doesn't have a following or loyal customers.

and why you feeling guilty? i can't really understand the part where you felt guilty for wanting more "Family" or "Lovers" or "Friends".

I don't feel guilty for wanting more family or friends. Lovers, yes. I do not know if they get jealous or are okay with me being in love with other spirits/entities. I do fall in love easy. I fell for my incubi because I had a physical and spiritual connection with them at first, and I told them they would be my first and only spirit lovers. Like that innocent promise you make when you first fall in love with someone and say "I'll love you forever" but eventually the promise is broken. I also fell in love romantically with my werewolf as well after his seller told me that he has a deep love for me and he was sad and worried because he couldn't do anything when my ex-boyfriend restrained me. Whether or not his love is romantic, I'm not sure.

Netheran wrote:I am actually going thru the same thing with my succubi. It was a blow out for about 2 weeks, then its just dead and my sex drive is practically gone. I went from being a horn dog for all my life to not even being remotely interested and that cannot be coinsedence. So I wonder if they are taking advantage of our inability to properly meditate and remember dreams and just draining us completely and leaving us hanging. It has been an uphill battle for me to work with them and at some point you have to say 'I am not happy' and take steps to cure that.

After some time getting my thoughts and myself in order, I'm at the point with my sex spirits where when I have my "fun time", it's "You guys are welcome to join. But I can always have my fun with or without you." Like you and someone else mentioned, I don't know their intentions. They could be using me, and I've had that idea after a while. But then I also think about when they were romantic with me, and wonder if they really do love me. I refuse to stress over it anymore. If they do love me, I'm sure they will reveal that in time. If not, that's A-okay. I will come across love eventually, whether my love life turns out like Patrick Swayze's movie Ghost or I find my soulmate in the real world. I'm young and still have a lot of life to love, live and enjoy. :dancing:

I tend to chase after and be drawn to the unknown and paranormal. I like to figure things out, i.e. spirits, how they work, how they want to communicate with me. But I also tend to overthink, over-expect, and over-exaggerate things, which in turn makes me frustrated. I think that's my weakness when it comes to spirit keeping. But as long as I take a breather, believe my spirits are there, and focus on my own energy, I'll be just fine. Thanks again guys!