So, I have found out, over the past while, I have been dealing with difficulties, on and off, in the form of self doubt.

I don't doubt my spirits are here, and I don't doubt that this is all false (I used to though)

What I doubt, is myself.

Am I actually hearing them?
Am I being nice to them?
Am I doing spells correctly?
Amongst other doubts.


Why?
Well, I have been doing some self reflection, and my spirits have helped me realize, it's to do with my personality, that actually stems from my mother.

You get what you work for.

You of course "work smart" instead of just "work hard".

But you only get out of it, what effort you put in. Or that's the mental outlook on things.


Now, this isn't something I always apply
(or maybe I'm just lazy sometimes. I know I have a lot of self guilt to not be surprised)
but it does usually apply. Things don't come by easy, and even as I was getting into this, several people have told me that it's not "wave a wand and make everything alright" which obviously it's not, and I would doubt it, if it was that way.


Waaaaait a second.

Then it all clicked.

I felt it was too easy!

That's why (or largely why) there was so much self doubt!

It all felt too easy! So I doubt myself, make these tests, (like the cards) and constantly doubt myself, in a subconscious attempt to make it what felt like a effort, to get what felt easier than it "should" be.

(Which is all a weird paradox to the fact I can't get equipment like candles and other things. But then again, if I could I would)


And the self doubt led to difficulties, which while I disliked,
Maybe some part of me, subconsciously, felt it was fulfilling those "trials" that I felt it needed to be.

This is also influenced by the fact that from pretty much day 1, I have been having quite vivid conversations with my spirits, and most people seem to have difficulty with that.

It feels "too easy" that I am simply able to talk with them, without going through so much trial and error.


It's why when I do one of these spells here (like the short quick spells posted by Ash) I put a lot of effort into it (and repeat saying it) as just saying it once and putting conviction into it, doesn't feel like enough to get the desired result.


It's funny, as I would have less trouble with the things that DO require work and setup
(and ironically I cannot do, lacking the space, time, and gear to do so)
than these "simpler" things, that feel much easier to pull off.

It's been the mentality of my mom, and I have picked up on it (and it's not a bad thing either) that "You get what you work for" so I feel I need to put in a lot more effort to get the desired result.

Heck, even a conversation about how back in history, magick was used to do things, but not to make it easier, but because it wasn't possible else wise. But "key point here" it took the same amount of work, as if they could have done it without magick.

Aka, you get what you work for.

So to speak a spell, and it to happen, (or start to, with belief in it) or to buy a spirit binding, and be able to talk mentally to them soon after, without training, seems absurd to some part of my brain.
(Not helped by the fact that my mom doubts all online sources)


The first step to removing a doubt is to figure out why it got there in the first place, and I am glad that me and my spirits figured out at least this bit, as I do believe it will make things easier in the future.


As always, I would love to hear from those that take the time to read my ramblings, if you have something to input, don't feel shy to reply!

Cheers!


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i've gone through this(and go though it from time to time when im learning something new) i think from seeing how others struggle with communication/energy work or what have you, you expect it to be hard and to go through hurdles and for it to be months or years before you get any real progress but for me it was a few short months of figuring what worked for me and what didnt, what was me with telepathy and what was them etc..
i had that thought too that it seemed too easy (to the point that it's sometimes difficult to explain how i do anything magick or servitor or astral related because i just sort of 'do' it lol) or maybe i was kidding myself and i did the spells and made potions to increase communication and i noticed not much of a difference.
its a curious thing, i know that my abilities were already open long before i knew that spirit keeping was a thing or even knew if spirits were real or not.
i have christian parents that tried to shove their faith down my throat and still try even now but i've never been receptive to it and always had my doubts, i almost decided i was an athiest because of some things i learned about my father during childhood, it turned everything i knew into a lie and erased any respect i had for him and in turn destroyed my faith in christianity, so in part my spirit keeping, magickal and spiritual work may be me rebelling against my family BUT i have never felt so fulfilled in my life. it feels like i was meant for this path, and i think (to bring this back to the main point lol) this is why things come so easily for me.

Krowe wrote:i've gone through this(and go though it from time to time when im learning something new) i think from seeing how others struggle with communication/energy work or what have you, you expect it to be hard and to go through hurdles and for it to be months or years before you get any real progress but for me it was a few short months of figuring what worked for me and what didnt, what was me with telepathy and what was them etc..

Yep, exactly. And it confuses me, and makes me doubt, which isn't good lol. Some people apparently pick up on it quicker than others, but I'm honestly surprised I would be one, at all.

Oh, so you do telepathy too? What's it like for you? For me it's like when you have a conversation with yourself, hence why I sometimes wonder if I imagine it.

Krowe wrote:i had that thought too that it seemed too easy (to the point that it's sometimes difficult to explain how i do anything magick or servitor or astral related because i just sort of 'do' it lol)

Yep, lol. And being around "old school" people that it's a lot of prep, time, work, and experience to do anything, to find these newer ways, (which I firmly believe in being possible) as you say, to just sort of "do" it, it feels weird haha. 1tu

Krowe wrote:or maybe i was kidding myself and i did the spells and made potions to increase communication and i noticed not much of a difference.
its a curious thing, i know that my abilities were already open long before i knew that spirit keeping was a thing or even knew if spirits were real or not.

Huh, that is indeed interesting, I think with my adverseness to the subject, I sort of had mine "subdued" possibly.

Nod in congratulations to you though, it's cool to hear that you were able to develop them easily.

Krowe wrote:i have christian parents that tried to shove their faith down my throat and still try even now but i've never been receptive to it and always had my doubts, i almost decided i was an athiest because of some things i learned about my father during childhood, it turned everything i knew into a lie and erased any respect i had for him and in turn destroyed my faith in christianity,

Yeah, mine was a little different, it was my mother being extremely against Christianity that led me to not believing in it. It also ended up pushing me away from paganism as well though
(and I still stand at being agnostic, with a leaning towards atheist and pagan)
as, well, I never felt comfortable around her.

It's sad to hear about all these people who had parents that tried to force them, it seems to be a increasing occurrence lately, and I do hope there is less of it as time goes on

Krowe wrote:so in part my spirit keeping, magickal and spiritual work may be me rebelling against my family BUT i have never felt so fulfilled in my life. it feels like i was meant for this path, and i think (to bring this back to the main point lol) this is why things come so easily for me.

Lol, that could be it indeed. As for me, I'm not sure why I am here. I know why I got into it, through these weird themes in my life, and then when I came across this site, it was more so "hey, this looks really interesting, it matches what I have been feeling, let's see if this is actually a "thing"."

As for why I am continuing to, well, it would feel wrong to abandon it, and my spirits.

And honestly, as you said, it feels like I was meant to be here.


Cheers, and thank you for sharing your story, it was very enjoyable to read, thanks again, hope you have a wonderful day Krowe


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Darksbane wrote:
Oh, so you do telepathy too? What's it like for you? For me it's like when you have a conversation with yourself, hence why I sometimes wonder if I imagine it.

it's sometimes similar to that, sometimes i hear my own voice and other times i hear a different ones. sometimes i dont hear anything, i experience it as a bunch of thoughts that hit me all at once or i see pictures.

Darksbane wrote:
It's sad to hear about all these people who had parents that tried to force them, it seems to be a increasing occurrence lately, and I do hope there is less of it as time goes on.

yeah...its horrible and damaging...but i can see how parents would think they were within their right. in their eyes, they're not only sharing a part of their lives that fulfills them with us, but they are also saving us from going to hell....and when they reject our spiritual and magickal lives, they do so not out of hate(usually) but out of love and fear for our safety.
everything that they've been told(brainwashed into believing if you ask me, at least my own family i can tell have just had their beliefs ground into their heads by their parents and elders.) since they were kids tells them that (depending on the belief) that magick and psychic ability is evil and those that practice them are evil, love the devil and blah blah blah and that is reinforced by unbalanced people who do crazy things in the name of satan and claim to have horrible powers, those people are the loudest so everyone else who practices magick or has psychic ability is lumped in with them!.....
my grandma actually believes that all experiences with spirits are either god giving you a message OR the devil tricking you. then proceeded to tell me an obvious spirit encounter my uncle had....>.>
he saw his grandmother a few weeks after she died sitting on his bed. he was having a rough time and had just started back doing drugs and when he saw her, he knew instantly that it was because of what he was doing and he vowed to quit. my uncle has NO psychic abilities as far as i'm concerned but that moment startled him enough to move him back on the right track. i can understand seeing that as a message from god but god is a subtle type of guy right?(in life, not in the bible lol) its human spirits that tend to be 'in your face' with their messages, so it makes more sense that it was really his grandmother. yet, they will always thank god and not her..

There are many great threads here, these are 2 of the best of the great. If you haven't already, read this http://www.creepyhollows.com/phpBB3/vie ... 41&t=53693
and this http://www.creepyhollows.com/phpBB3/vie ... 64&t=40694

Krowe wrote: it's sometimes similar to that, sometimes i hear my own voice and other times i hear a different ones. sometimes i dont hear anything, i experience it as a bunch of thoughts that hit me all at once or i see pictures.

Ohh ok, interesting, I will agree, once or twice its been images. ^_^

Krowe wrote:yeah...its horrible and damaging...but i can see how parents would think they were within their right. ...
(Shortened for post length)
... its human spirits that tend to be 'in your face' with their messages, so it makes more sense that it was really his grandmother. yet, they will always thank god and not her..

Yep, I agree. I'm sorry for your negative experiences, I hope that things go better for you from now on. 1hg

Not gonna say my opinion right now on beliefs, but yes there is a lot of close minded people out there sadly.


1hg cheers


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lol thank you for the sympathy, im just ranting though, i could seriously write a book about how mad this sort of thing makes me...

Krowe wrote:lol thank you for the sympathy, im just ranting though, i could seriously write a book about how mad this sort of thing makes me...

:grouphug: I know. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Things happen. Just gotta find that sunshine to cheer ya up. I hope it doesn't bother you too much.

Cheers 1hg


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