Adair Aithne wrote: ↑Fri Nov 10, 2023 5:43 am

Sysygy wrote: ↑Thu Nov 09, 2023 11:20 pm I feel for you
My past has been filled with some similar relationships. As a child I had no choice but to put up with it. I have had my life and my sexual safety violated while being told "it's God's will I'm cleansing your soul, lie still demon." I've had decades of therapy because of it.

In less extreme situations I was the one remaining quiet, allowing others to have their views and speak their beliefs, while they took every chance they had to pummel me with theirs. That is not balanced. Some people really can be very aggressive about their beliefs and it's hard to truly know what it's like until you are on the receiving end of it.


Having a point of view and personal belief is one thing..but when it starts to become disrespectful it is a boundary. You can feel when it is disrespectful , when they constantly direct comments at you with negativity attached to it. Constantly attempting to make you feel bad for your beliefs, constantly asserting how they believe that your belief is wrong and theirs is right. It has a condescending feel to it. It no longer is a relationship of mutual respect, instead an abusive one. And yes verbal , emotional and mental abuse is a real thing, regardless of the personal beliefs.
How many times of reminding us the same thing over and over again until they realize we get what they are saying? They say it over and over again for a reason and its not for your happiness.


I have plenty of friends and family members who are a mix of spiritual and religious. Everyone knows everyone's beliefs. We shared it already and everyone understands. We don't need constant reminding and rubbing faces in stuff, Because we respect each other's beliefs. What this means is despite us having different beliefs we don't feel that ours is better than theirs. We value them as a person and we want them to be happy. We know when spiteful and passive aggressive comments hurts others, and we are conscious enough to be kind with our words. They don't have to make offerings to the dead with me if they don't want to, and I don't have to pray at church with them. And no one is punished for it.
But on holidays, I get them gifts I know they like, like a cross necklace.. and they get me candles and crystals.

So. In my opinion it's not about the beliefs. It's about respect.
All relationships take work, and ones who have vastly different beliefs/views will take more effort for respectful boundaries. Having boundaries is healthy regardless of belief.

Some of my religious friends are open enough to have discussions with me, and by the end of it we are happy with no hurt feelings because it's just a discussion, not a lecture.
I have even asked a good friend of mine to share his favorite part of his Bible with me, and he asked me to share something that was a favorite of mine. This is not some remarkable otherworldly miracle. It's just common human decency to love a person unconditionally. If a relationship cannot find balance like this after tremendous work on my part to meet halfway, I move on.

I agree Sysygy, it's about respect.

Also just want to say, you are an amazing and strong woman, and I really do respect you a lot

May the guilty individuals who did that to you end up in the most vile and torture filled parts of the afterlife forever. My heart breaks and rages at the same time.

Sysygy wrote: ↑Fri Nov 10, 2023 6:04 am

Adair Aithne wrote: ↑Fri Nov 10, 2023 5:43 am

Sysygy wrote: ↑Thu Nov 09, 2023 11:20 pm I feel for you
My past has been filled with some similar relationships. As a child I had no choice but to put up with it. I have had my life and my sexual safety violated while being told "it's God's will I'm cleansing your soul, lie still demon." I've had decades of therapy because of it.

In less extreme situations I was the one remaining quiet, allowing others to have their views and speak their beliefs, while they took every chance they had to pummel me with theirs. That is not balanced. Some people really can be very aggressive about their beliefs and it's hard to truly know what it's like until you are on the receiving end of it.


Having a point of view and personal belief is one thing..but when it starts to become disrespectful it is a boundary. You can feel when it is disrespectful , when they constantly direct comments at you with negativity attached to it. Constantly attempting to make you feel bad for your beliefs, constantly asserting how they believe that your belief is wrong and theirs is right. It has a condescending feel to it. It no longer is a relationship of mutual respect, instead an abusive one. And yes verbal , emotional and mental abuse is a real thing, regardless of the personal beliefs.
How many times of reminding us the same thing over and over again until they realize we get what they are saying? They say it over and over again for a reason and its not for your happiness.


I have plenty of friends and family members who are a mix of spiritual and religious. Everyone knows everyone's beliefs. We shared it already and everyone understands. We don't need constant reminding and rubbing faces in stuff, Because we respect each other's beliefs. What this means is despite us having different beliefs we don't feel that ours is better than theirs. We value them as a person and we want them to be happy. We know when spiteful and passive aggressive comments hurts others, and we are conscious enough to be kind with our words. They don't have to make offerings to the dead with me if they don't want to, and I don't have to pray at church with them. And no one is punished for it.
But on holidays, I get them gifts I know they like, like a cross necklace.. and they get me candles and crystals.

So. In my opinion it's not about the beliefs. It's about respect.
All relationships take work, and ones who have vastly different beliefs/views will take more effort for respectful boundaries. Having boundaries is healthy regardless of belief.

Some of my religious friends are open enough to have discussions with me, and by the end of it we are happy with no hurt feelings because it's just a discussion, not a lecture.
I have even asked a good friend of mine to share his favorite part of his Bible with me, and he asked me to share something that was a favorite of mine. This is not some remarkable otherworldly miracle. It's just common human decency to love a person unconditionally. If a relationship cannot find balance like this after tremendous work on my part to meet halfway, I move on.

I agree Sysygy, it's about respect.

Also just want to say, you are an amazing and strong woman, and I really do respect you a lot

May the guilty individuals who did that to you end up in the most vile and torture filled parts of the afterlife forever. My heart breaks and rages at the same time.

I am not wanting to pull away from the OP post , as I've accidentally done that before in other threads. so I apologize if that has happened. This topic is a sensitive one for me, so I feel deeply for those going through it.

And ty