Article - Faery Taboos #1: Saying Thank You

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There was another good thread on this issue but I haven't bookmarked it.

tl/dr: Stick with what the respective seller says, rather than what others say, and you're unlikely to go wrong. I have not yet been told to not thank my bound fairy/fae spirits.

CH have said that their conjured and bound spirits are generally less fussy than when they were alive.

On the same kind of theme...

In the Encyclopedia page about Brownies it says "If you reward them or give them an offering they will vanish forever.". But CH also confirmed that their conjured Brownie spirts will not leave their keeper. That's not how their bindings work. But you can see - well I can - that it's hardly going to be enjoyable for them if we try to do something they hated when alive. It's back to respect again.

Not what do we think is a respectful way for us to behave but what do they think is a respectful way for us to behave.

What will be a slight to a spirit companion - even if it's unintentional - varies, I think, from one spirit type to another. We might like to think of consistent ways of behaving with all of our spirit companions. But a one size fits all approach may not always be good enough.

We must always take care to follow what each seller recommends.

For example, Lisa of Mystic Morning Treasures says of her bound Brownies:

"Brownies aren't hard to care for but there are two definite rules to having them in your home. They require certain offerings and you can never thank them. Either of these things, if not done correctly, can greatly offend them. The type of binding that I do with brownies allows them to leave if they so choose. I would not want an unwilling brownie around anyone's home for they can become quite a nuisance if you force them to be there. If you are good to them and treat them well then the positive benefits are worth it.

The offering they require is a small amount of milk, cream, or cake left out for them often (every few days or so).

Never say thank you to a Brownie. It offends them. When you leave offerings for them just leave it sitting out on the table before you go to sleep, like you just forgot to put these things away. Don't tell your brownie it is for them. Also don't thank them in anyway or leave them gifts. You will never see them again if you do. They are very private beings that don't like to get attention." [ my italics]
You must stay on the path. Do not leave it.
If you do, you'll never...
find it again.
No matter what may come, stay on...
the path! [Gandalf, in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug]
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My perspective on the taboos, based only on my own experience with my own personal faerie bindings:

The word I've gotten from my own keep is that as spirits the taboos aren't as serious to many of them (and the ones who were custom-conjured for me also happen to be less concerned with them in general), but they do consider it to be a point of benefit to acknowledge their taboos when able. Whether it be avoiding swearing, keeping iron away from any offerings, or not using "thank you"; it's not like it's going to hurt them if I do any of these things, but they respect the attention I indirectly give by managing to say "Ah sh.... oot" or at least brushing off my shoulders when I do blurt out something if for no other reason than it's remembering they are there. I have gotten very proficient at responding to a gift from them by saying "I acknowledge your blessing and return my own to you" (which is, of course, done with some little offering to keep the gifting cycle going), rather than "Thanks". On a rare occasion I may still find myself doing it, but correcting myself on the spot is more than enough for the keep
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This was very useful knowing about brownies. Is the brownie is a type of Fae?
Lewk wrote: Mon Jun 05, 2023 1:45 am There was another good thread on this issue but I haven't bookmarked it.

tl/dr: Stick with what the respective seller says, rather than what others say, and you're unlikely to go wrong. I have not yet been told to not thank my bound fairy/fae spirits.

CH have said that their conjured and bound spirits are generally less fussy than when they were alive.

On the same kind of theme...

In the Encyclopedia page about Brownies it says "If you reward them or give them an offering they will vanish forever.". But CH also confirmed that their conjured Brownie spirts will not leave their keeper. That's not how their bindings work. But you can see - well I can - that it's hardly going to be enjoyable for them if we try to do something they hated when alive. It's back to respect again.

Not what do we think is a respectful way for us to behave but what do they think is a respectful way for us to behave.

What will be a slight to a spirit companion - even if it's unintentional - varies, I think, from one spirit type to another. We might like to think of consistent ways of behaving with all of our spirit companions. But a one size fits all approach may not always be good enough.

We must always take care to follow what each seller recommends.

For example, Lisa of Mystic Morning Treasures says of her bound Brownies:

"Brownies aren't hard to care for but there are two definite rules to having them in your home. They require certain offerings and you can never thank them. Either of these things, if not done correctly, can greatly offend them. The type of binding that I do with brownies allows them to leave if they so choose. I would not want an unwilling brownie around anyone's home for they can become quite a nuisance if you force them to be there. If you are good to them and treat them well then the positive benefits are worth it.

The offering they require is a small amount of milk, cream, or cake left out for them often (every few days or so).

Never say thank you to a Brownie. It offends them. When you leave offerings for them just leave it sitting out on the table before you go to sleep, like you just forgot to put these things away. Don't tell your brownie it is for them. Also don't thank them in anyway or leave them gifts. You will never see them again if you do. They are very private beings that don't like to get attention." [ my italics]
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I only refer to the sellers if I have questions regarding my companions, otherwise I ask the companion themselves their preference on being thanked & similar matters which is what works best for myself & my spirit family.

Others however may do & believe things differently from me & I have total & complete respect for that. 🙂
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ASTER wrote: Mon Jun 05, 2023 5:26 am This was very useful knowing about brownies. Is the brownie is a type of Fae?
CH describe them as a type of hobgoblin (WA). Lisa of MMT says "Brownies are small earth beings that usually can be found in our near a forest. "

So I think they're technically not a type of fae. But the issue of thanking is the same.

https://stores.mysticmorningtreasures.c ... h-brownie/
https://www.creepyhollows.com/faq/index ... ht=brownie

I have quite a lot of fae spirits. They don't seem to mind me thanking them but I suspect they appreciate the courtesy when I avoid that way of speaking, out of respect.
You must stay on the path. Do not leave it.
If you do, you'll never...
find it again.
No matter what may come, stay on...
the path! [Gandalf, in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug]
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Tarvos wrote: Sun Jun 04, 2023 2:09 pm
VanNocturne wrote: Sat May 27, 2023 6:30 pm 0x. After reading (at least) the majority of everyone's posts, here's the conclusion I've come to, which I think sums it up.

8*8 When it comes to expressing gratitude to Fae: Show Instead of Tell. With the possible exception of expressing your gratitude by saying how Their favour, or actions, made you feel.8*8
Thanking your Faes verbally isn't taboo, but it's not always their preferred method of appreciation.
I really like how each of you expressed the “rule” and/or its core idea here! I think of everything I’ve read, these two characterizations are the most accessible to humans! They are at least the most accessible to me, as an individual. I feel like you’ve both really rounded out my understanding beautifully.

Thank you both so much for that gift!
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Banapis wrote: Tue Aug 10, 2021 4:25 pm
Alys-RaccoonReadings wrote: Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:45 am Morgan Daimler also mentions why you should never say thank you to the fae and backs up some of the points made in the original post in this thread:

She writes on page 33 of Travelling the Fairy Path:
"...it is a widespread belief, although not ubiquitous, that one shouldn't say thank you to the fairies. I have heard one theory behind this, that it implies a debt to them, a blank cheque if you will, that would allow them to decide how to repay them. This is somewhat supported by the etymology of the phrase 'thank you' which is rooted in the concepts of gratitude and obligation. (Harper, D., 2017) Another theory suggests it is dismissive and implies you feel superior to them. Whatever is the case you should avoid saying it. Offering a gift in exchange for something you feel you've received can be a good idea, or saying something else along the lines of expressing gratitude for what happened without saying thank you directly, such as 'I am so happy with...' or 'I really appreciate...'.
I tend to defer to Morgan Daimler. Thank you so much for bringing this in!

The amount of research and base cultural and linguistic knowledge and skill that goes into those books and blog posts makes Daimler probably the most important (and accessible) starting point and guidepost to anyone not able to read source materials, in-context for themselves.

I do think the bits I quoted just above are still helpful and complementary to this, but I do agree that Daimler’s input is crucial here.
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I don’t have a fae myself, however, I’d like to point out something that seems to be overlooked.

The pertinent distinction in effect is unbound vs bound. Saying thank you to an unbound incurs a debt, which may very well be a bad thing as they may turn around and require you to fulfill that debt, in whatever form they see fit.

Saying thank you to one bound to you is part of a relationship, one that will always have a give and take within set boundaries. Granted, some may not want to hear thanks for just doing their ‘job’. It can be ingratiating , (I feel this way myself when thanked for just doing my job. It just feels like lip service unless I’ve done something above and beyond,).
A wise Earthen Elemental Wolf Spirit once said to me,
"Why speak magick? Be magick!"
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