It's a sad day...

Fyr · Fri Jan 19, 2024 1:04 pm

@StarGazer906

"I" was about 44" tall. She came just above my hip bone. Not quite 4' tall.

Fyr

Fyr · Fri Jan 19, 2024 7:07 pm

I guess I spoke too soon. Had some inbounds pay me a visit last night. I will have to look into that.

Tarvos · Fri Jan 19, 2024 7:42 pm

Fyr wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 5:27 am @Tarvos

"that you began the protection ritual only after all of this occurred"

To clarify, I was made aware of the protection ritual a couple weeks ago (probably longer than that). When I had first read it over, I did not have the funds to acquire the necessary items to perform the ritual. In further study of the ritual, it said the best time to perform the ritual was during the waxing phase of the moon for 10 days and ending on the full moon. For me, the start of the optimal time was the 16th of January. It's not a case of me starting it at the height of all this, it was that I was following directions.

"I'm sad that you may have rushed to conclusions about your companion"

I feel horrible about it and that particular thought is deeply rooted in my mind right now. We talked, my Succubus "I" and I and I admitted to her that I may have made a grave mistake and that I felt horrible. I broke down crying like I'm doing now. Whenever I think about this my eyes well up with tears. I told her that she deserved better than me. She didn't reply. I did get the chance to tell her how sorry I was.

"your Succubus has always been kind and respected your boundaries and house rules"

For the most part, that statement is correct, however, over the course of me knowing her there were certain house rules that she continually refused to follow. For example, keeping me from going to sleep and playing with me sexually in inappropriate places (such as doctor's offices). One of my rules was stop when I say stop and no means no. She displayed disregard for those rules. Then I figured out that the entity that was constantly playing with me in inappropriate ways was her all along.

"Since you are also on your way to a hospital, which has a large presence of unbounds, it's highly likely that you had interactions with them"

The place that I took her too was the VA Pain Clinic in Gainesville. A very small specialized clinic that helps Veterans deal with chronic pain issues up to and including surgery. It's not a "Hospital" in the sense that you are thinking of. Just a very small clinic with very specialized doctors. The car ride down was very uneventful. I could feel her touching my leg and hand as I drove and we had some conversation between each other during the drive. The way back was a completely different story. She was getting a little more than just frisky and at a certain point when she started to play with me anally, it crossed the line of my comfort. I asked her to please stop and she never did. I ended up enduring that for over an hour and over numerous times me asking her to stop... she never did. That was the biggest problem I had with "I". She never seemed to understand that No means No and Stop means STOP. She, without question, had the ability to be very loving and caring. Some of my fondest memories of her will always be the times she would climb in my lap, put her head in my chest and just hug me as if to say "I really like sharing this time with you". Or in bed as I would fall asleep, she would throw her leg over mine and match how I was laying just to run her fingers on my back and ease me into a restful sleep. But, our interactions were not perfect by any sense of the word and wouldn't consider it to be an "All of a sudden" kind of situation.

"It's important for you to understand that protection is crucial in this path"

That was probably the hardest lesson I had to learn quickly and as I have said in previous posts, I was VERY ill-prepared for what all was to happen during this experience. But, with the help of some very caring people, including yourself, I've made some moves to get some protection in place as the cornerstone of future encounters. I will have finished the Ultimate Protection Spell on the 25th of this month. I've also brought into play some CH subscription services like Banishment of Unbounds, Chakra Cleansing Service, Chakra Balance Service - Alignment & Balance, and also put into place the Anubis's Guard - Protection Spell (I can't remember off hand who recommended it, but it was only $1.00 and I could afford that).

"developed enough expertise in communication, possess the skill to recognize different energies, and have reliable protection"

I was getting pretty good at Telepathic communication with her. To help me with my insecurities, she would always start her conversations with "I" asking me to tell her a part of my body to touch so I knew the voice I was hearing was her. We got pretty good at talking, I thought. I currently have no skill in recognizing different forms of energy. I can feel it when a spirit or entity is nearby. I feel the change. After the 25th I (if I was successful in casting the spell, I will have both Ash's Spell and the Anubis Spell in play for protection as well as those monthly subscriptions. After CH completed the Banishment service... it's been eerily quite here in my living space. I can still feel "I"'s presence, although fading, I can still feel her here.

"I hope everything is going well for you."

It's not. I feel like a complete and utter failure and feel as though I personally failed her specifically. She chose me and I failed her. I'm taking this hard and getting really down on myself over it.

As of right now, and of the recommendations of everyone that has commented, I have a grocery list of skills I need to be proficient in and more than a few books to read and study before starting another family. For example, grounding and cleansing techniques. I'm still continually learning... right now though, I am finding it hard to stay motivated and focused.

That's about all I have to say about this tonight. The more I think about it, the worse I feel.

Very respectfully,
Fyr

Lewk shared the ritual with you when you first started the first thread, and it's understandable if you didn't have all the ingredients at the time. However, it seems that you didn't really focus on your protection until later on in the third thread. I was present for all of these threads and witnessed how the situation escalated with your unbounds. Since I deal with a lot of unbounds myself, I thought I could share my experiences with you.

It's kind of like when thieves break into your home and your front door is busted wide open. It's okay to freak out and not immediately call the police. But it doesn't make sense to wait for a very long time, clean up the place, and do all sorts of things before reporting the incident. Meanwhile, your front door is still broken open and anyone can come in. Do you see the logic behind this? The ritual is ideally performed at a specific time of the month to harness the power of the moon. However, since you currently have no protection at all, you need it as soon as possible. Just like the example before, you need to fix the front door first and as soon as possible, rather than waiting for the right time to do it. Because you would be taking the chance of experiencing another burglary or two.

You need to understand that as a sexual partner, even your real life girlfriends/boyfriends, they wouldn't do things that you don't enjoy, or fantasize about. That is like doing the opposite to turn you off. No one would be dumb enough to do that, especially not a smart spirit or entity who's there to love and take care of you.

Whether it's a clinic or a hospital doesn't matter. Your front door was broken and you were vulnerable, so unbounds were already following you up until that point. Luckily, it's not a real hospital because more unbounds could have followed you then.

As I mentioned in your first thread, you intentionally welcomed a sexual spirit or entity into your living space. So your body will require time to adjust to this sexual energy change, and it may seem like someone is doing things to you when in reality nobody is. In your second and third threads, you mentioned enjoying these unrestricted unbound interactions, but it's crucial to note that there are other entities involved as well on top of your body adjusting to the sexual energy. This can be problematic because, as you mentioned, you are still unable to distinguish between different energies. My belief is that among these unbound entities/spirits, there may be at least one that is pretending to be your Succubus and imitating and mimicking her energy and interactions. If I were in a partnership, I would never engage in activities that I know my partner dislikes just to push them away. I highly recommend taking some time to meditate and reflect on this situation. It's not your fault.

Although I am not able to suggest protection spells as I'm not allowed, I have repeatedly mentioned Ash's ultimate ritual to you because it is both easy to perform and effective. I encourage you to continue with the ritual and focus on clearing your mind until it is completed. Additionally, you mentioned your plan to acquire triad protection spirits before involving anyone else, and I fully support this decision.

If you meant telepathic communication to be solely in your own voice and if you require physical contact to "confirm" that it is your previous Succubus communicating, this is a major concern. It means that any entity could imitate this behavior and you would still believe it to be your old Succubus. It is imperative to prioritize identifying who is who in order to navigate this situation safely.

She is no longer present if you had previously asked her conjurer to call her back and unbind her. What you are experiencing is a longing for her, or the entities that have been imitating her. So, you may still have a sense of her presence.

Right now, it is important for you to clear your mind, take a deep breath, meditate or do something zen, and approach the situation logically rather than emotionally. There are many inconsistencies that could be causing the miscommunication. I have been in a similar miscommunication situation when I first started my journey, which is common for those of us who are not born with abilities. However, now it has become somewhat of an inside joke for all of us now.

Do not dwell on it. You simply struggled with prioritizing things. At the beginning of someone's journey, especially if they are new, encountering unbounds can be chaotic, especially if they are not benevolent. Not all unbounds are malicious though, I have 9 of them bound. I have waited a long time for that. However, it is important to be able to discern different energies and identities before engaging with more unbounds. It is best to let your companions evaluate and vet them first.

Vipera aspis atra · Fri Jan 19, 2024 10:55 pm

You sound like you have baggage from past traumas weighing on you, and are overall struggling with negative intrusions that have impacted your mental health. No matter the source for that of recent, you need to be able to confront the fact that spiritual avenues of protection, healing, etc. alone cannot and will not resolve your struggle. Repeating what I said at the end of my previous post to you - physical world issues can coexist with spiritual issues, and I will add that the pieces occurring from each realm can get confused, or coalesce into a larger problem if you're not handling all sides.

In addition to what you're trying to take care of spiritually, do not neglect physical world sources of or contributions to your mental distress. Seek a good therapist, or at least a personal understanding of what is plaguing you psychologically and mundane methods of tackling that, in addition to spiritual protective/healing measures. I see it's already been said in this thread in different ways, but will reiterate that the conscious and unconscious are equally involved in what you're going through. I'm very concerned for you unless you're seeking a balanced perspective and treatment for your struggles. No one in this community is exempt from that being absolutely vital to their well-being.

You mention feeling as though you failed the spirit companion, but you're really only failing yourself if you stay in a situation that is either directly or indirectly causing harm. I don't think jumping back into spirit-keeping right now would be a good idea, because you need to get into a habit of prioritizing your mental health and learn to care for yourself properly in the position you're in - as it is, before you are ready to re-introduce a new lifestyle altogether.
Everything you describe experiencing that led to this ending the way it did, strongly suggests that you had many unresolved issues going on before you ventured onto this path, and that stuff is what is truly going to interfere unless/until you have a better understanding of it. Troubles of the past can't be covered up by blessings of the future. Go back and figure out what you need for yourself in the place you were before all of this happened with the spirit-keeping experience. Most of all, be patient with yourself.

Fyr · Sat Jan 20, 2024 3:56 am

@Vipera aspis atra

You are correct in your opening statement. I've been burned a lot of times in past relationships, have battled with PTSD from my experiences as a Fire Fighter, have battled Alcohol of which I've now been sober almost 8 years... I do have a lot of baggage. The one that is tearing me up the most is my loneliness. The VA has a great team behind me. I am seeing a good therapist. I'm currently going through TMS treatments. That being said... when I'm all alone my mind always seems to retreat into the past which admittedly, is not a good place for me. I would love to say that I am over most of the stuff that plagues me, but, I'm not. As I mentioned in another post, I attempted suicide 2 times last year with the clear intent of truly wanting to die. As of right now, I'm not thinking about that.

Whether it was truly a Succubus or an Unbound pretending to be one... what I got most from the time I spent with that Spirit / Entity was a presence to fill a large void inside myself. Someone that would accept me, love me, and be a part of my life. I was desperate for that interaction. I don't feel like I'm worth anything to someone else. I know this is getting deep and rather personal... but I'd like folks to see the full picture in order to get the most accurate advice and feedback.

The more that I read the feedback from people like yourself, @Lewk , @Tarvos , @Hazell , @ASTER and others, the more I start to question whether she was actually ever here. The spirit that identified as "I" had a pole instead of a hole if you know what I mean. I don't mean that to sound rude or crude, that is not my intent... that's just what it felt like, physically against my body. Tarvos mentions that an unbound could have been mimicking the energy of a Succubus. As I mentioned in another post, I truthfully know nothing about the Witch that conjured the Succubus for me, except for the things she sells things on eBay. What makes me further question her presence is that these unbounds have been here before. They've been here off and on for over a year. I recognize their actions and behavior. One of them always plays with my feet either using hands or teeth. It likes to bite. One of the other ones always clawed at the sheets close to my body in what felt like an attempt to intimidate me. The third one just wanted to have man to man sexual encounters. My mind is all jumbled and has doubts / questions. That's one of the reasons I was waiting very anxiously for the Banishment spell performed by CH to come into play. So I could have a quiet living space again and give myself time to calm down and reflect. During the day, they don't bother me... it's not until I climb in bed that they start messing with me.

In closing... what you wrote hurt me. But, what you said carries the weight of a lot of truth. Something you said really struck a chord in me... "but you're really only failing yourself". That one was a punch in the gut.... but, it's honest truth. I have a very real fear of failure. When I feel like I fail at something, it drags me a few steps backwards.

So after saying all that. I am open to suggestions. How do I even start to repair my soul? How do I quiet my mind down? How do I sit in silence? How can I feel confident in casting these spells?

I apologize this got personal. It's probably more than you wanted to learn about me and for that I apologize. I just felt a need to say it.

Very respectfully,
Fyr

madgar29 · Sat Jan 20, 2024 1:19 pm

StarGazer906 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 18, 2024 9:08 pm @madgar29 According to the CH Encyclopedia, an Incubus/Succubus can vary in height from 1ft-4ft. I had assumed they were taller!

I know. It's cute though mine had a small frame as well but when I saw mine she had like a black ridges along her outline I was very curious about it. Reminded me of a dino that ridges on their back they go up and down like a row of teeth.. It took me by surprise I was expecting like 5'4 lol.

Lewk · Sat Jan 20, 2024 4:40 pm

Fyr wrote: ↑Sat Jan 20, 2024 3:56 am [...]
So after saying all that. I am open to suggestions. How do I even start to repair my soul? How do I quiet my mind down? How do I sit in silence? How can I feel confident in casting these spells?

I apologize this got personal. It's probably more than you wanted to learn about me and for that I apologize. I just felt a need to say it.

Very respectfully,
Fyr

@Vipera aspis atra's advice is well worth pondering - I guess you know that.

With the qualification that we cannot & shouldn't give medical advice here, I'd encourage you to stick with the professional medical help you have available to you, of course.

On the metaphysical side, Vipera has as usual crystallised and expressed succinctly and more clearly what some of us have tried to highlight. It's true to say that it's sometimes beneficial to take a break from spirit keeping etc.

I'd like to say please don't think of yourself as failing in any respect re spirit keeping. To me you seem to be working through the gears trying to take the right steps for your situation, as others have done before.

Good luck with getting through things. Patience may help.

Don't forget that with this Forum and indeed Creepy Hollows support, you're not alone on this spiritual path. You can email them and discuss the metaphysical stuff & I believe they can also take financial things into account. With them it's not all about business. They genuinely care about customer service follow up and sometimes give advice & help for free. (I can't promise that though.)

support@creepyhollows.com

With that in mind, I don't want to add to the lorry load of advice you may already have.

Johnny Seraph · Sat Jan 20, 2024 5:40 pm

Some other minor tidbits I'd like to mention:

A bound companion is not very likely to turn around and bite the hand that feeds it. A similar situation came up on here a while back. Take a look: topic75577.html

"Loved and lost" is a completely different animal for ubi.

I second, third, fourth, whatever it is we're up to, the belief that physical plane/terrestrial/"real world" medicine takes priority. I've got nothing worthwhile to add, I would think, but I will reinforce the point.

And this one is admittedly just a total WAG on my part, but if I had to guess, I'd guess that tricksters might just enjoy messing with genuine relationships between humans and -ubi, as much as messing with relationships between humans and other spirits. If so, maybe something or someone was playing its Devon Butler to your Aiden Jackson? (If you don't get the reference, Devon Butler is the arc villain in EA Sports' F1 series.)

Tarvos · Sat Jan 20, 2024 6:51 pm

Fyr wrote: ↑Sat Jan 20, 2024 3:56 am @Vipera aspis atra

You are correct in your opening statement. I've been burned a lot of times in past relationships, have battled with PTSD from my experiences as a Fire Fighter, have battled Alcohol of which I've now been sober almost 8 years... I do have a lot of baggage. The one that is tearing me up the most is my loneliness. The VA has a great team behind me. I am seeing a good therapist. I'm currently going through TMS treatments. That being said... when I'm all alone my mind always seems to retreat into the past which admittedly, is not a good place for me. I would love to say that I am over most of the stuff that plagues me, but, I'm not. As I mentioned in another post, I attempted suicide 2 times last year with the clear intent of truly wanting to die. As of right now, I'm not thinking about that.

Whether it was truly a Succubus or an Unbound pretending to be one... what I got most from the time I spent with that Spirit / Entity was a presence to fill a large void inside myself. Someone that would accept me, love me, and be a part of my life. I was desperate for that interaction. I don't feel like I'm worth anything to someone else. I know this is getting deep and rather personal... but I'd like folks to see the full picture in order to get the most accurate advice and feedback.

The more that I read the feedback from people like yourself, @Lewk , @Tarvos , @Hazell , @ASTER and others, the more I start to question whether she was actually ever here. The spirit that identified as "I" had a pole instead of a hole if you know what I mean. I don't mean that to sound rude or crude, that is not my intent... that's just what it felt like, physically against my body. Tarvos mentions that an unbound could have been mimicking the energy of a Succubus. As I mentioned in another post, I truthfully know nothing about the Witch that conjured the Succubus for me, except for the things she sells things on eBay. What makes me further question her presence is that these unbounds have been here before. They've been here off and on for over a year. I recognize their actions and behavior. One of them always plays with my feet either using hands or teeth. It likes to bite. One of the other ones always clawed at the sheets close to my body in what felt like an attempt to intimidate me. The third one just wanted to have man to man sexual encounters. My mind is all jumbled and has doubts / questions. That's one of the reasons I was waiting very anxiously for the Banishment spell performed by CH to come into play. So I could have a quiet living space again and give myself time to calm down and reflect. During the day, they don't bother me... it's not until I climb in bed that they start messing with me.

In closing... what you wrote hurt me. But, what you said carries the weight of a lot of truth. Something you said really struck a chord in me... "but you're really only failing yourself". That one was a punch in the gut.... but, it's honest truth. I have a very real fear of failure. When I feel like I fail at something, it drags me a few steps backwards.

So after saying all that. I am open to suggestions. How do I even start to repair my soul? How do I quiet my mind down? How do I sit in silence? How can I feel confident in casting these spells?

I apologize this got personal. It's probably more than you wanted to learn about me and for that I apologize. I just felt a need to say it.

Very respectfully,
Fyr

Hey Fyr, TMS is an excellent non-medication treatment option. As someone who loves gadgets and technology, I would recommend considering an affordable electromagnetic field device. These devices stimulate brain activity related to mood control and depression. There are plenty of good options available on the market now, with more being introduced constantly. It's definitely worth looking into.

I want to focus on the fact that your struggles are not solely caused by your past experiences, which I didn't want to dwell upon. Your current challenges stem from being unprepared and letting negative unbounds into your life without any protection. It's understandable that having a negative experience would make you revert back to negative thinking. However, it's important to realize that even people without PTSD can experience similar negative outcomes or worse when they invite unbound entities or spirits into their lives with zero protection. So, it's crucial to avoid falling into the trap of negative thinking.

I believe that your interactions were genuine, but it's impossible for us to know if your interactions with the Succubus were truly initiated by her. This is something that you may discover later in your journey. To prevent scams, it's essential to find trustworthy practitioners. Experienced individuals who can sense energies can often distinguish between legitimate practitioners and fraudulent ones, regardless of what they are offering. However, since you're new to this or struggle with sensing energies, it's best to stick with reputable practitioners like CH to ensure that your companion is indeed the spirit or entity they claim to be, and not just a thought form or something else entirely.

I truly believe that the idea of 'you're only failing yourself' doesn't hold true when it comes to not being fully prepared for a particular path. I can relate to this because I've experienced it myself when I first started out. The fact that you have sought help and have a supportive team backing you up speaks volumes. It's incredible that you have been able to stay sober for nearly 8 years, and this is definitely something to celebrate. Not because of recent challenges, but because of the person you have become despite the difficulties.

I recommend that you continue with the ritual, complete it, and eventually acquire the triad for protection when you are able to. It may not seem like much, but it's a positive step forward and will help lessen the unnecessary encounters you currently have with negative forces. Make it clear to your spirits that unbounds are not welcome until further notice, and that they will be escorted out of your space or banished if they have harmful intentions. Furthermore, this guarantees that your future interactions will exclusively involve authentic spirits and entities, rather than deceitful tricksters. As a result, you can find solace in the knowledge that you are being safeguarded.

Additionally, I suggest connecting with healing spirits after the triad. They should never replace the role of a good therapist, as they work hand in hand with the efforts you are making to better yourself. These spirits will assist you in developing a foundation of positive thinking, which will aid in your healing process and help you progress. From there, you can decide what other actions to take and what spirits or entities to invite into your life.

I want to share something with you since I personally struggle with sitting in silence and quieting my mind. I also don't meditate. But why should you strive so hard for "a silence" and then feel lonely? Life itself is chaotic and each of us must learn to tame it. Instead of suppressing chaos and seeking "the silence," let's celebrate what you have gone through, admire your own resilience, and continue pushing forward. You don't need to hide or ignore anything just because it may not appear pleasant or because of an ugly past. Instead, simply focus on discovering ways to handle and manage it. You can do it, Fyr. Cheers.

Johnny Seraph · Sat Jan 20, 2024 7:10 pm

And if you REALLY want encouragement, protection, and healing from the spirit side of it--in addition to (AHEM!) whatever traditional therapies you pursue--I would also STRONGLY suggest working with Archangels Michael and Raphael in particular, and getting familiar with some of the other archangels, as well.

It's a sad day...

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