As usual, I was looking for something else and found something highly relevant to me. So this is a bump for others.

I'll start by saying my name is Infernal F. and I'm an alcoholic.

I'm what is known as a functioning, or high functioning alcoholic. This means that I am able to not drink when it is required. Like before or while I'm working. Or when I have an engagement that requires me to he sober, like school events for my children or helping them with their homework.

I got this way because I was a born empath. With some precog dashed about. I began using alcohol to deaden my susceptibility to these. For an untrained innate, that was raised in a very catholic household, it was a sweet release. It turned into an ugly addiction.

Decades later, I'm a hollow shell of what I should be. Granted, I have a beautiful and adoring family. I have a great job in which I'm only required to work 6 months out of the year and earn more than enough to provide for my family with some savings. Slated to retire at 45, I'm 38 btw... but I lament where I am as a practitioner and I am working very very hard to get back what I had forsaken.

Will i ever give up alcohol completely? No. Hard no. Have I sought help in my journey to recovery? Both professional and meta. Am I improving? Every single day.

The takeaway, I used substance abuse to deaden my senses. And I regret every moment. And I am also paying the price