Aeryn wrote:
As far as the drama-filled threads are concerned, I have always avoided them... and will continue to do so, except in unusual circumstances. The main reason being that as an empathic being, the negativity really hurts me... physically and emotionally. There have been a few exceptions, and I'm sure there will be some in the future that I will have to comment on for reasons that may be closer to my heart than the headaches and stress they cause.

All in all... this is indeed a very good topic you brought to us. I'm glad Magnolia saw it as such, also... and I hope all CHers, as you asked, read this and take it to heart.

Thank you for posting this... the feelings and concerns truly came from your heart, and touched mine as well.

I just wanted to add something here. You touched a good subject. Empathic people can find it hard. I think I may be Empathic too, and it stresses me out to no end the amount that goes on here. I think that alone is a good enough reason to try to really help those who can feel like that. And yes, I may also cause it too, and yes, I do not like it in the least, but I do it because I need to. Mostly anyway. Sometimes I cannot help myself.

I don't want to feel anything negative. I don't want to be restrained. Things need to be brought to the surface. I love this place. If it wasn't for CH and other sellers, my life wouldn't have been so blessed.

If I didn't do it, then none of these concerns would have been heard. No one would know or understand, still may not fully understand, as they may see it differently, but to get to the bottom of it, is what is needed. Even if it is stressful.

I may be causing havoc a little at times by being like this, but we are all gaining information and understanding from it, hopefully.

Wow, was gone for most of the day, and I come back and see this!!!!

Magnolia did state that in an open form like this, you will have all kinds of people, people who are dealing with all kinds of things in their own life as well!!!! Nothing is not going to be perfect!!!!

Also because CH is such a big form as well, you have got to realize that there will be a great many different experiences and there will be a great many different opinions on each and every subject here, and not everyone is going to agree with everything that is said, and yes, people may get offended by that, even if it wasn't made to be that way in the first place!!!!

Like it or not, there will be times when there will be stress, disagreements and debates that will get out of hand, and also there are many people here, who come from all walks of life, and who practice things that you will not agree with at all!!!! That being the case, is where you have to learn tact, and understanding, and realize that they do have a right to their own experiences, and their own ideas and feelings, and to walk their own path, whether it is WA, DA, or BA. It is their choice and not yours to change

You can voice what you feel, but with respect, even if it does get heated, it can still be done with respect for the other person's feelings and what they have experienced, since it is theirs in the first place!!!! I cannot not tell someone they are wrong, because I don't know them personally, I may say I don't like what they have done or not done, but still it is their experience and not mine!!!

I may question what they did, or not do, and ask why, so I can read what their reasons were for doing what they did, and I may say well I don't agree with them, but I am not going to make them feel bad and attack them personally for that, because that is not for me to do!!!! Some people have to make mistakes in order to learn that maybe there is a better way to do things!!!!

However it is not my place to say that they are a bad person for doing something that I wouldn't have done!!!! People don't like being told that they are wrong, even when they are, however with some tact and a little bit of respect and a little dash of kindness, you can express yourself about how you feel and why, and leave it at that, because if you don't, you will not be doing the other person any favors by saying that they are wrong and what they did was awful, and that they are a bad person!!!

The reason being is that no one likes to be attacked in that fashion, sure maybe what they did was totally wrong, but are you going to change anything by saying they were wrong? They may not listen to what you say in the first place!!!!

I would just state okay, I didn't like how you did that, and if it was me, I would have done things differently, and leave it at that, so no fighting, making another person feel really bad, and hurting each other's feelings, because that is all you will do is hurt another's feelings, and maybe they won't come back, or be afraid to post again.

Yes there will be some really nasty things that you will come across, however you can state how you feel about it, in a calm manner, then leave it at that!!!!

I hope this makes sense, and also just for the record, I am not bashing or putting anyone down, because everyone does have a right to their own opinions and be able to express themselves, without all the drama, however remember emotions can run high in this form, as people will express exactly how they feel, whether we like it or not!!!!

Also this is my own thoughts and it is not directed at anyone person, I am just stating what I feel, and from past experience

starfire :dragons:: :kistune:

ninjalovergirl wrote:Empathic people can find it hard. I think I may be Empathic too, and it stresses me out to no end the amount that goes on here. I think that alone is a good enough reason to try to really help those who can feel like that. And yes, I may also cause it too, and yes, I do not like it in the least, but I do it because I need to. Mostly anyway. Sometimes I cannot help myself.

I don't want to feel anything negative. I don't want to be restrained. Things need to be brought to the surface. I love this place. If it wasn't for CH and other sellers, my life wouldn't have been so blessed.

If I didn't do it, then none of these concerns would have been heard. No one would know or understand, still may not fully understand, as they may see it differently, but to get to the bottom of it, is what is needed. Even if it is stressful.

I may be causing havoc a little at times by being like this, but we are all gaining information and understanding from it, hopefully.

What this says to me is: I want to be able to say whatever I want and not hear any opposing opinions that may stress me out?
There is really no need to keep seeding this topic is there? Fact is there is a more peaceful atmosphere here now than 6-12 months ago. And it's something many have taken a personal stand to improve (perhaps yourself included). But talking/writing about it isn't the solution. Many of us try to lead-by-example and it seems to work. I don't think we need to take a "stressful" situation and make it worse to get a point across. Yes, (example...) a post about all the "stress" here actually creates stress for some. Most times it's just best to avoid it altogether; ignore it. Then it really can't stress you out. I see posts here & there that make my stomach clench but instead of continue reading... I close it out & find another. Too many different personalities, religious beliefs, communication styles... and that's what makes this place great. I think you hit it on the head when you spoke of "TOLERANCE". It's learned though, and not everyone has or can (or even wants to) so it's up to the rest to rise above it. So instead of taking everything as truth, perhaps we can understand that a lot of it is opinion. And as my dear Mom always said, "Opinions are never wrong." lol

Ivy Onyx East wrote:

ninjalovergirl wrote:Empathic people can find it hard. I think I may be Empathic too, and it stresses me out to no end the amount that goes on here. I think that alone is a good enough reason to try to really help those who can feel like that. And yes, I may also cause it too, and yes, I do not like it in the least, but I do it because I need to. Mostly anyway. Sometimes I cannot help myself.

I don't want to feel anything negative. I don't want to be restrained. Things need to be brought to the surface. I love this place. If it wasn't for CH and other sellers, my life wouldn't have been so blessed.

If I didn't do it, then none of these concerns would have been heard. No one would know or understand, still may not fully understand, as they may see it differently, but to get to the bottom of it, is what is needed. Even if it is stressful.

I may be causing havoc a little at times by being like this, but we are all gaining information and understanding from it, hopefully.

What this says to me is: I want to be able to say whatever I want and not hear any opposing opinions that may stress me out?
There is really no need to keep seeding this topic is there? Fact is there is a more peaceful atmosphere here now than 6-12 months ago. And it's something many have taken a personal stand to improve (perhaps yourself included). But talking/writing about it isn't the solution. Many of us try to lead-by-example and it seems to work. I don't think we need to take a "stressful" situation and make it worse to get a point across. Yes, (example...) a post about all the "stress" here actually creates stress for some. Most times it's just best to avoid it altogether; ignore it. Then it really can't stress you out. I see posts here & there that make my stomach clench but instead of continue reading... I close it out & find another. Too many different personalities, religious beliefs, communication styles... and that's what makes this place great. I think you hit it on the head when you spoke of "TOLERANCE". It's learned though, and not everyone has or can (or even wants to) so it's up to the rest to rise above it. So instead of taking everything as truth, perhaps we can understand that a lot of it is opinion. And as my dear Mom always said, "Opinions are never wrong." lol

No. Got it wrong. I was actually advocating the right for people to express themselves on here without having people jump down their throats.
I am saying "Don't get so offended by peoples opinions, at least, try to, and have some understanding of others opinions and situations. be more aware, and then maybe, just maybe, you will understand that it can help curb the negativity of this being an unwelcoming place for people to be in and also help people feel comfortable enough to say what they think". In other words, have your opinion, but be mindful that other people will still have different opinions, and that they are every bit as valid as your or my own, and that they deserve to not be hounded for them. Especially if they didn't mean it to cause harm. It will still happen, no one is perfect, but it will help a lot. People are taking their stress out on others here, and it isn't right. I was never for taking them away. Ever. Just think of it this way, if you get hounded every time you say your opinion, would you really like being on this forum? No. So, instead, try to think of others, it doesn't mean you have to stop giving your opinion.

Understanding of the power of talking and discussing it so to hear and take on board other peoples opinions and thoughts on the matter, and by that, coming up with more solutions and ways to help, is best to me. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away to me. It still happens and people who were not here befor do not realize that about any of this, they just think this place can be harsh. If they knew, they would understand more. Talking is needed in order for things to happen, for people to come out and say something, to actually get to know what is going on and find a way to help. To understand the feelings of others, and by such, not being so harsh on them since everyone will stick together and try to not hate one another, as they know what is going on, and know that everyone is trying, and that everyone is stressed. Being in the same position and understanding that, and to not hate one another so much if something bad happens, as it is easier to forgive if we all know what is happening, and that everyone is trying to be at their best, and care for one another. A community based on friendship, trust, acceptance, knowledge, understanding.

I have gained knowledge of others situations and thoughts on this problem by talking about it. I really do seemed to have ruffled some feathers by just stating my own opinion on the matter. Doesn't really matter if it is controversial for this forum. I'm basically showing everyone the problems.

Sometimes in order for peace, chaos is needed. It seems that talking about this, bringing it up to the surface, and working hard at being accepting of one another is this form of chaos. That is the truth.

simply put, the poster wants us all to work on being better people both for our sakes and for the sake of the community. yes there are unanswered posts. i had quite a few myself but its not a big deal as there are some topics am absolutely not interested in. we need to put on our friendly hats, find them where ever we left them. or better still sew new ones. the reason why we wake up is because we still have room for improvement. i see this as a call to become more proactive and unselfish in whatever i do. end of story.

Goldilocks wrote:simply put, the poster wants us all to work on being better people both for our sakes and for the sake of the community. yes there are unanswered posts. i had quite a few myself but its not a big deal as there are some topics am absolutely not interested in. we need to put on our friendly hats, find them where ever we left them. or better still sew new ones. the reason why we wake up is because we still have room for improvement. i see this as a call to become more proactive and unselfish in whatever i do. end of story.

Thank you. It was a call. To improve, to help, to understand others, to not fight so much, to better ourselves for ch and everyone in this forum. :grouphug:
Before we can do that, we need to realize what is going on, to become more attentive and informed, more sensible, responsible, to think outside the box at times also.

ninjalovergirl wrote:

Ivy Onyx East wrote:

ninjalovergirl wrote:Empathic people can find it hard. I think I may be Empathic too, and it stresses me out to no end the amount that goes on here. I think that alone is a good enough reason to try to really help those who can feel like that. And yes, I may also cause it too, and yes, I do not like it in the least, but I do it because I need to. Mostly anyway. Sometimes I cannot help myself.

I don't want to feel anything negative. I don't want to be restrained. Things need to be brought to the surface. I love this place. If it wasn't for CH and other sellers, my life wouldn't have been so blessed.

If I didn't do it, then none of these concerns would have been heard. No one would know or understand, still may not fully understand, as they may see it differently, but to get to the bottom of it, is what is needed. Even if it is stressful.

I may be causing havoc a little at times by being like this, but we are all gaining information and understanding from it, hopefully.

What this says to me is: I want to be able to say whatever I want and not hear any opposing opinions that may stress me out?
There is really no need to keep seeding this topic is there? Fact is there is a more peaceful atmosphere here now than 6-12 months ago. And it's something many have taken a personal stand to improve (perhaps yourself included). But talking/writing about it isn't the solution. Many of us try to lead-by-example and it seems to work. I don't think we need to take a "stressful" situation and make it worse to get a point across. Yes, (example...) a post about all the "stress" here actually creates stress for some. Most times it's just best to avoid it altogether; ignore it. Then it really can't stress you out. I see posts here & there that make my stomach clench but instead of continue reading... I close it out & find another. Too many different personalities, religious beliefs, communication styles... and that's what makes this place great. I think you hit it on the head when you spoke of "TOLERANCE". It's learned though, and not everyone has or can (or even wants to) so it's up to the rest to rise above it. So instead of taking everything as truth, perhaps we can understand that a lot of it is opinion. And as my dear Mom always said, "Opinions are never wrong." lol

No. Got it wrong. I was actually advocating the right for people to express themselves on here without having people jump down their throats.
I am saying, and this also seems to go for you too, since I think you got offended yourself, "Don't get so offended by peoples opinions, at least, try to, and have some understanding of others opinions and situations. be more aware, and then maybe, just maybe, you will understand that it can help curb the negativity of this being an unwelcoming place for people to be in and also help people feel comfortable enough to say what they think". In other words, have your opinion, but be mindful that other people will still have different opinions, and that they are every bit as valid as your or my own, and that they deserve to not be hounded for them. Especially if they didn't mean it to cause harm. It will still happen, no one is perfect, but it will help a lot. People are taking their stress out on others here, and it isn't right. I was never for taking them away. Ever. Just think of it this way, if you get hounded every time you say your opinion, would you really like being on this forum? No. So, instead, try to think of others, it doesn't mean you have to stop giving your opinion.

Obviously you have no understanding of the power of talking if you think that discussing it so to hear and take on board other peoples opinions and thoughts on the matter, and by that, coming up with more solutions and ways to help, is of no relevance to you. Bury your head in the sand all you want, the situations, tension and problems are still there for all to experience, quite a bit actually. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. It just means you are, literally, ignoring it and ignoring the fact that people feel uncomfortable and stressed here at times, which means they will not want to be here often.

Also, thank you for proving another point about CH being so harsh when I am actually trying to come up with solutions to help, and by the looks of it, it is working. I have gained knowledge of others situations and thoughts on this problem. I really do seemed to have ruffled some feathers by just stating my own opinion on the matter. Doesn't really matter if it is controversial for this forum. I'm basically showing everyone the problems. And this is one of them. I never said anything bad. You took it the wrong way and decided say something that wasn't nice to me.

Oh no. I think you took what I said personally & that's not how I meant it. If you re-read it you may actually see the positives I wrote in there about you. But I see you lashed back instead. That's OK. What I meant was: Everyone has the right to be offended or not. I chose not because to me, life is about more than worrying about his/her opinion. It's educating to learn what others may believe and yes, sometimes it gets heated. Life without passion is lifeless. I respect the opinions here (whether or not I agree). I respect yours. And in no way did I intend for what I wrote to be offensive. It was just my opinion on how to handle a situation that cannot be 'controlled'. When I said "ignore it" I meant if a post upsets you, jump to another. That's all.
Also, for the record, I do care about the people here at CH. They have become very good friends to me. It's not fair of you to judge me based on a simple post is it? I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself here....

Ivy Onyx East wrote:

ninjalovergirl wrote:

Ivy Onyx East wrote:

ninjalovergirl wrote:Empathic people can find it hard. I think I may be Empathic too, and it stresses me out to no end the amount that goes on here. I think that alone is a good enough reason to try to really help those who can feel like that. And yes, I may also cause it too, and yes, I do not like it in the least, but I do it because I need to. Mostly anyway. Sometimes I cannot help myself.

I don't want to feel anything negative. I don't want to be restrained. Things need to be brought to the surface. I love this place. If it wasn't for CH and other sellers, my life wouldn't have been so blessed.

If I didn't do it, then none of these concerns would have been heard. No one would know or understand, still may not fully understand, as they may see it differently, but to get to the bottom of it, is what is needed. Even if it is stressful.

I may be causing havoc a little at times by being like this, but we are all gaining information and understanding from it, hopefully.

What this says to me is: I want to be able to say whatever I want and not hear any opposing opinions that may stress me out?
There is really no need to keep seeding this topic is there? Fact is there is a more peaceful atmosphere here now than 6-12 months ago. And it's something many have taken a personal stand to improve (perhaps yourself included). But talking/writing about it isn't the solution. Many of us try to lead-by-example and it seems to work. I don't think we need to take a "stressful" situation and make it worse to get a point across. Yes, (example...) a post about all the "stress" here actually creates stress for some. Most times it's just best to avoid it altogether; ignore it. Then it really can't stress you out. I see posts here & there that make my stomach clench but instead of continue reading... I close it out & find another. Too many different personalities, religious beliefs, communication styles... and that's what makes this place great. I think you hit it on the head when you spoke of "TOLERANCE". It's learned though, and not everyone has or can (or even wants to) so it's up to the rest to rise above it. So instead of taking everything as truth, perhaps we can understand that a lot of it is opinion. And as my dear Mom always said, "Opinions are never wrong." lol

No. Got it wrong. I was actually advocating the right for people to express themselves on here without having people jump down their throats.
I am saying, and this also seems to go for you too, since I think you got offended yourself, "Don't get so offended by peoples opinions, at least, try to, and have some understanding of others opinions and situations. be more aware, and then maybe, just maybe, you will understand that it can help curb the negativity of this being an unwelcoming place for people to be in and also help people feel comfortable enough to say what they think". In other words, have your opinion, but be mindful that other people will still have different opinions, and that they are every bit as valid as your or my own, and that they deserve to not be hounded for them. Especially if they didn't mean it to cause harm. It will still happen, no one is perfect, but it will help a lot. People are taking their stress out on others here, and it isn't right. I was never for taking them away. Ever. Just think of it this way, if you get hounded every time you say your opinion, would you really like being on this forum? No. So, instead, try to think of others, it doesn't mean you have to stop giving your opinion.

Obviously you have no understanding of the power of talking if you think that discussing it so to hear and take on board other peoples opinions and thoughts on the matter, and by that, coming up with more solutions and ways to help, is of no relevance to you. Bury your head in the sand all you want, the situations, tension and problems are still there for all to experience, quite a bit actually. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. It just means you are, literally, ignoring it and ignoring the fact that people feel uncomfortable and stressed here at times, which means they will not want to be here often.

Also, thank you for proving another point about CH being so harsh when I am actually trying to come up with solutions to help, and by the looks of it, it is working. I have gained knowledge of others situations and thoughts on this problem. I really do seemed to have ruffled some feathers by just stating my own opinion on the matter. Doesn't really matter if it is controversial for this forum. I'm basically showing everyone the problems. And this is one of them. I never said anything bad. You took it the wrong way and decided say something that wasn't nice to me.

Oh no. I think you took what I said personally & that's not how I meant it. If you re-read it you may actually see the positives I wrote in there about you. But I see you lashed back instead. That's OK. What I meant was: Everyone has the right to be offended or not. I chose not because to me, life is about more than worrying about his/her opinion. It's educating to learn what others may believe and yes, sometimes it gets heated. Life without passion is lifeless. I respect the opinions here (whether or not I agree). I respect yours. And in no way did I intend for what I wrote to be offensive. It was just my opinion on how to handle a situation that cannot be 'controlled'. When I said "ignore it" I meant if a post upsets you, jump to another. That's all.
Also, for the record, I do care about the people here at CH. They have become very good friends to me. It's not fair of you to judge me based on a simple post is it? I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself here....

Yes, I did accidentally, again, and I am sorry for it. Very sorry. I thought I read something in your post, but I re read and it wasn't there. :daze: I edited my post and added more. I was guarded as I expected a lot of harsh reactions to this. I think that is why. So again, I am sorry. I am tired. But I feel it is needed. Things have been very stressful for me here, and this is one of them. But I thank you for not lashing out at me. That is a nice step in the right direction. I wish I felt that way too, but I am still on tender hooks because of this. I think it is a problem when I feel the need to be guarded on CH right now. But I am trying to help.

ninjalovergirl wrote:

Ivy Onyx East wrote:

ninjalovergirl wrote:

Ivy Onyx East wrote:

ninjalovergirl wrote:Empathic people can find it hard. I think I may be Empathic too, and it stresses me out to no end the amount that goes on here. I think that alone is a good enough reason to try to really help those who can feel like that. And yes, I may also cause it too, and yes, I do not like it in the least, but I do it because I need to. Mostly anyway. Sometimes I cannot help myself.

I don't want to feel anything negative. I don't want to be restrained. Things need to be brought to the surface. I love this place. If it wasn't for CH and other sellers, my life wouldn't have been so blessed.

If I didn't do it, then none of these concerns would have been heard. No one would know or understand, still may not fully understand, as they may see it differently, but to get to the bottom of it, is what is needed. Even if it is stressful.

I may be causing havoc a little at times by being like this, but we are all gaining information and understanding from it, hopefully.

What this says to me is: I want to be able to say whatever I want and not hear any opposing opinions that may stress me out?
There is really no need to keep seeding this topic is there? Fact is there is a more peaceful atmosphere here now than 6-12 months ago. And it's something many have taken a personal stand to improve (perhaps yourself included). But talking/writing about it isn't the solution. Many of us try to lead-by-example and it seems to work. I don't think we need to take a "stressful" situation and make it worse to get a point across. Yes, (example...) a post about all the "stress" here actually creates stress for some. Most times it's just best to avoid it altogether; ignore it. Then it really can't stress you out. I see posts here & there that make my stomach clench but instead of continue reading... I close it out & find another. Too many different personalities, religious beliefs, communication styles... and that's what makes this place great. I think you hit it on the head when you spoke of "TOLERANCE". It's learned though, and not everyone has or can (or even wants to) so it's up to the rest to rise above it. So instead of taking everything as truth, perhaps we can understand that a lot of it is opinion. And as my dear Mom always said, "Opinions are never wrong." lol

No. Got it wrong. I was actually advocating the right for people to express themselves on here without having people jump down their throats.
I am saying, and this also seems to go for you too, since I think you got offended yourself, "Don't get so offended by peoples opinions, at least, try to, and have some understanding of others opinions and situations. be more aware, and then maybe, just maybe, you will understand that it can help curb the negativity of this being an unwelcoming place for people to be in and also help people feel comfortable enough to say what they think". In other words, have your opinion, but be mindful that other people will still have different opinions, and that they are every bit as valid as your or my own, and that they deserve to not be hounded for them. Especially if they didn't mean it to cause harm. It will still happen, no one is perfect, but it will help a lot. People are taking their stress out on others here, and it isn't right. I was never for taking them away. Ever. Just think of it this way, if you get hounded every time you say your opinion, would you really like being on this forum? No. So, instead, try to think of others, it doesn't mean you have to stop giving your opinion.

Obviously you have no understanding of the power of talking if you think that discussing it so to hear and take on board other peoples opinions and thoughts on the matter, and by that, coming up with more solutions and ways to help, is of no relevance to you. Bury your head in the sand all you want, the situations, tension and problems are still there for all to experience, quite a bit actually. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. It just means you are, literally, ignoring it and ignoring the fact that people feel uncomfortable and stressed here at times, which means they will not want to be here often.

Also, thank you for proving another point about CH being so harsh when I am actually trying to come up with solutions to help, and by the looks of it, it is working. I have gained knowledge of others situations and thoughts on this problem. I really do seemed to have ruffled some feathers by just stating my own opinion on the matter. Doesn't really matter if it is controversial for this forum. I'm basically showing everyone the problems. And this is one of them. I never said anything bad. You took it the wrong way and decided say something that wasn't nice to me.

Oh no. I think you took what I said personally & that's not how I meant it. If you re-read it you may actually see the positives I wrote in there about you. But I see you lashed back instead. That's OK. What I meant was: Everyone has the right to be offended or not. I chose not because to me, life is about more than worrying about his/her opinion. It's educating to learn what others may believe and yes, sometimes it gets heated. Life without passion is lifeless. I respect the opinions here (whether or not I agree). I respect yours. And in no way did I intend for what I wrote to be offensive. It was just my opinion on how to handle a situation that cannot be 'controlled'. When I said "ignore it" I meant if a post upsets you, jump to another. That's all.
Also, for the record, I do care about the people here at CH. They have become very good friends to me. It's not fair of you to judge me based on a simple post is it? I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself here....

Yes, I did accidentally, again, and I am sorry for it. Very sorry. I thought I read something in your post, but I re read and it wasn't there. :daze: I edited my post and added more. I was guarded as I expected a lot of harsh reactions to this. I think that is why. So again, I am sorry. I am tired. But I feel it is needed. Things have been very stressful for me here, and this is one of them. But I thank you for not lashing out at me. That is a nice step in the right direction. I wish I felt that way too, but I am still on tender hooks because of this. I think it is a problem when I feel the need to be guarded on CH right now. But I am trying to help.

I understand.

Ivy Onyx East wrote:
I understand.

Thank you. Perhaps this is working after all if we are already understanding each other.