Here's a question for you. When you have trouble with a spirit or entity... when is it your own fault?

I have a few answers, but I'd like to hear everyone else's, too.

1) When you bring home a spirit because "it's SOOO coo and bada$$l" when in reality, you're definitely not ready for dark arts spirits.

2) When you aren't clear in your rules, or don't back them up.

3) When you lack communication skills and therefore completely misinterpret what's really going on.

My sphinx and I have been together for nearly 30 years - but because I'd never been exposed to the concept of keeping, for most of those years, I thought it was dreams, and often forgot about it later. Recently, she disappeared, and then one day, I was strolling through FB and saw an image of the Great Sphinx of Egypt, and the question entered my head, "I wonder if they're real entities?" So... I started googling sphinx conjurations. I found several auctions on E-Bay (may it rest in Tartarus), but they had already closed. However, it did answer my question. So... with something I didn't quite understand driving me, I came here and searched for people's experiences with sphinxes. Every thread I found mentioned Lisa. The drive full on me now, I went to her website, and there She was. My sphinx. The one I'd been dreaming with, my whole life. "Took you long enough," She said. "Bring me home, now." So... I did. But... to get Her, I had to solve Her riddle. lol Typical.

Anyway, I spent some time with Her vessel, but... we'd spent nearly 30 years bonding, and I'd been so busy with some everyday stuff, that eventually, while I would spend time with her every day, I put her vessel into the charging bowl I'd made for her and left it there.

I started having bad dreams. Every night. (No, this was a month ago - it has nothing to do with the recent slew of dreams, which were in fact Messages.) Three nights in a row, and I'd had enough. I went to her and said, I'm having this issue. How do we fix it. She told me that, because we were still bonding, and our energies were still trying to mix, but I wasn't wearing her vessel, her energy was actually bouncing off of my aura while I slept, and the repelling ripples were disturbing my unconscious mind... thus the bad dreams, and that if I wore her against my skin, the dreams would stop.

I put her vessel on. No more bad dreams.

The message of the story is this... I didn't blame Her. I didn't get all angsty or dramatic. I didn't scream "ATTACK, HELP!" Instead, I went to Her and asked what the REAL problem was, and how to resolve it, and we worked it out together.

I never had the idea that She was too much for me. I never had the idea that She and I are foes. I never had the idea that She was something bad, or dark, or anything like that. I never go to my spirits or entities with the idea that I'm better than them, or worse. I never go to them with any judgments at all. I accept them as they are, and I adjust myself to them, rather than expecting the opposite. They have come into my home and my life as guests who wish to help me and share with me. It is my responsibility as a Host to be polite, calm, appreciative, and respectful.

Not jump at shadows and freak out, blame, punish, or otherwise offer aggression.

I have other spirits who are just as dark. I have one or two that are, actually, even darker. They have never given me any trouble. I don't think it's because I'm some kind of uber-dark godlike powerful person. I'm just me. I would like to think that, aside from the fact that I've been smart about who I bring home, and why, and lucky in who calls me, and why, the reason we all get along so well is because of mutual respect and acceptance.

I am not afraid of my darkness, and I am not afraid of theirs, either.

So. Some of you have been around a very long time. In your opinions... what else belongs on this list? When ELSE is it the Keeper's Fault if things go wrong?

Brightest blessings...
Selqet

That is a really good post and I never had problem with anyone of my very dark people on it.

I think respect and accepting how they are take a super big part. You can't fear what they are but accept it, if you fear them you aren't ready.

Also rules you can remember by head. Theres no use having 100 rules trying to prevent any kind of problem if you can't remember half of it and that way not act when they are broken. You always have to act if they break a rule and always do what you say you would.

If I think of anything else I'll write later.

For me, before I bring home any spirit whether it is WA or DA, I do my homework first!!!! I look them up, even if I do know something about them!!!

Then I think about it for awhile, it might take me a month or more, then I ask if they want to come to my house, and I talk to them and let them know what to expect when they come to my house!!!!

I am truthful to them, and yes they are like guest, but so much more, they become my friends, my teachers, guides!!!! I give them a lot of respect and they give me their respect!!!! They know before hand that I live a busy life and I don't lie to them about that. Also I talk to them everyday, I include them in all I do, the big things right on down to the little things!!!! They are after all a part of my family and I am a part of theirs!!!!

If something is wrong then I don't freak out about it, I ask them straight out what is wrong and how we can work it out!!! We always work it out, and it doesn't happen very often that something goes wrong!!!!

You see the lines of communication is always opened and every kind of communication is used!!!

So respect, communication, and being direct and doing your homework before you even bring them home!!! If it is an adoption spirit, or a surprise spirit, you can still learn about them!!!!

The main thing is, if something strange happens, don't panic and think your spirit is unhappy, sad, or being angry, or trying to hurt you, or wants to leave!!! You ask them what is going on or what is wrong and what can you do to help solve the problem!!!!

Even if you can see or hear them, they always find ways of letting you know, through thoughts, feelings, dreams, or things just showing up like on the tv, or when you are out an about, or maybe something you are reading, it is the little things that sometimes speaks the loudest!!!

One thing about houserules....make them simple and to the point and not a long list either, something that you yourself can remember!!!

Also if you are scared of a DA spirit, then you aren't ready for that spirit!!!!

starfire :dragons:: :kistune:

I think you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes, if a keeper is not ready, a real mess can occur. We as humans, especially if we are young and haven't had the hard knocks a little bit of experience gives you, are impulsive and rush in headlong. What else belongs here? Well.......



1. Newbies... Getting a butt load of "wish granting" spirits (especially Djinn, which are not to be trifled with) and expecting to win the lottery or inherit millions right away. Not even giving it thirty days before they come on here publicly whining and bashing their poor spirits.

2. Newbies....Getting a butt load of ANY spirit then complaining bitterly they cannot hear or understand their spirits. Well OF COURSE you can't hear above all that noise and unfamiliar energy! They need to understand everyone is probably trying to get their attention, who could hear above the din? Get one at a time for cryin' out loud, bond to it until you can communicate at least a little, then go on to the next. That way eventually, you can tap into pretty much any in your keep if you need to, even if you are done bonding.

3. Newbies....Getting the bad A$$ DA or even BA, doing good with them and giving them what they want, but then they have a change of heart (it can get scary, I'm sure). The DA or BA are no longer getting what they need or want, they are being driven away and/or really pi$$ed off, and the keeper then starts getting physically hurt. At this point, they cry WOLF to the very people that told them repeatedly to be careful, not do this yet, etc. They then cry "HELP, what do I do now? COME FIX MY MESS!" After all, we owe them, right? We have no problem putting our karma and spirt family, or even our sanity on the line for this. Right?

3. Newbies...... having all/some of the above happen, then decide to sell spirits EN MASS even while getting others. Ouch. It can't be pleasant for the spirit, and it's not very comfortable to watch.

I'm not knocking Newbies. We were all one at one time. But people new to the path, PLEASE use common sense. These are not toys. They are for life, you need to know that. Rehoming is sometimes necessary, I know that and support it too. But don't figure they are just disposable, to be switched out for newer, better models.

I did thia with my firat vamp. I decided who she was based on peripheral experiences. Ive since found out that she is a totally different peraon than i imagined. Similar but less negative misreadings have occurred between me and my spirits. I have to hope they understand, and where i am, now and in the past, and i feel that they do. But....it ia aomething everyone with lesser awareness should keep in mind.

I have only had o.e spirit rub me drastically the wrong way....and whether she was as dark or illnatured as i assumed from the circumstances i may never know. Qhat i did know was that i was not ready for her presence. Even if my mindset chanved in the future, i do not feel she would come back. It hurts me to think i misinterpreted, but ive somewhat made leace with the decision to ask her to leave. Luckily, she had not yet been bound.

Anyways....you ask good questions, and we would all do better to take heed of your warning and exhortation.

I think that in nearly anything that can go wrong, the keeper is nearly always at fault.

This could be through many things:
-Forcing personal growth/competence too quickly
-Purchasing spirits that are outside of personal capacity
-Not being firm enough (house rules)
-Not being bonded enough
-Not LISTENING enough (seriously, we expect them to listent to us, but how often do we just sit quietly and let things flow?)


Obviously, this just barely scratches the surface. I think the real question that we should be asking is not "Why is my spirit doing ____?", but "What am I doing that is causing my spirit to react in this way? OR Is how I'm perceiving things the way things actually are?"


Moonstone

:nice::

Some good points being made here. :thumbup:

With the nightmares, my question to my Sphinx wasn't, "Why are you doing this?" Instead, my question was, "Why is this happening? What do I need to fix?" I took responsibility for the situation, and I never interpreted it as an attack.

I see that missing sometimes... and in those instances, the spirit is the one that takes the blame. That's not fair. If I have troubles with something, or when I outright fail at something... I try to figure out why, and how to fix it. I don't blame someone else for my mistakes.

Real respect, not judging, and really listening (even if you lack communication skills, spirits have ways of making their thoughts known if you're willing), are the biggest keys to making ANY relationship work. Spirit Keeping is exactly the same.

It doesn't matter what type of reputation the type of spirit you're keeping has... just like humans, there's variances, and you have to get to know your new friend individually... They don't assume all humans are Jeffrey Dahmer. We shouldn't assume anything either. That's not to say you should go right out and get a man-eater right out of the box. Absolutely be cautious and only bring home what you KNOW you can cope with. Really listen to you instincts, your intuition here. Do NOT listen to your EGO.

Take the time to bond. It's harder to build a friendship in a noisy, crowded dance bar. It's also harder to have a conversation at all - so yeah, definitely try to limit the number of friends you invite into your life at any one time unless you already have strong communication gifts. Even then, just because you can talk to someone, doesn't mean they're ready to break the ice. I have a couple of spirits who, while I can feel their effects in my life, have yet to say a word to me. Two haven't even shown me what they look like. That's OK. I'm patient. When they're ready, I'll be ready too. I always assume that a spirit probably knows better what they're doing than I do, so I'm willing to be both patient and adaptable. So remember that, too... and chill.

For example: When my Gryphon came home, I thought she didn't like me, because she never hung out, or spoke. Turns out, she was just... busy arranging solutions to my prosperity issues... and whenever I worried about it, I would hear my phone vibrate (it wasn't actually doing so)... and then I figured out, it wasn't the phone... it was her... purring. Whenever I went for walks, I'd find feathers, everywhere. She was leaving me feathers to say, here I am! I was all worried over nothing.

That's another thing that can go REALLY wrong, actually... your concerns about your abilities as a keeper. Your negative thoughts affect your ability to communicate and hear/see correctly. If you think you suck as a keeper, if you think your spirits don't like you, if you think negative thoughts about yourself and your part in the relationship because you have confidence issues... that's going to cause misunderstandings... and those misunderstandings can grow to a point where it affects your perception and relationship with that spirit to such an extent that you give up... and the truth was, it was all just in your head. So watch that, too.

Bright blessings...
Selqet

Unfortunately it all comes down to faith. There really is no cookie-cutter approach to dark beings when things go awry as no two beings are exactly alike. The most you can do is take their word for it. Making a Million house rules is NOT full-proof, and doesnt make any person immune when disaster strikes. If the Being had serious intention to Disobey or Disrespect the keeper for whatever their own reason, trust me it WILL regardless of any reprimanding and no rules are going to shield the victim's from this. In the case when it really is the spirits fault, and thinking house rules alone will solve the issue, then the person is only blinding themself!!

How are you going to prove one way or another? You CANT. You can either take the being's word for it, or dont. But they are capable of lying, and making you believe anything it wants. Whatever your already subconisously leaning to, the being is going to appear this way. If you have doubt, it will reinforce that doubt, if you have suspicion your suspicion will be reinforced. Sometimes the only way to get to the real meat of the matter is to get an unbiased nuetral party involved that is capable of seeing and hearing. Getting conflicting opinions when seeking help will only cause turmoil in the victims mind, which can easily be exploited by any malevolent force and will further complicate the dilemma.

I would say in a lot of cases, both the keeper and the spirit are simply incompatible for each other, and neither side is really at fault. Like any real life relationship. Nothing more then that.

When the keeper is at fault, I would say when things go redundantly bad, and the person has not learned their lesson the first or second time around. If it happens enough, at some point the person should get an inkling even as a laymen, if they are not capable of even seeing or hearing the spirit, then they had no business inviting that being into their life anyways.

Don't forget to add that if you get a WA spirit and expect it to do things that are not typical of WA spirits, such as revenge, it will not do it. It will only do things to better you without doing any harm.