The ammount of true information given on this thread is about 1/4 th of a thick book. What I see is that there is a "force-of-mind" here in your ciber realm where you post.
What I see that is lacking, is discipline - self-discipline -and all major - famous - important masters of masters insist on self-discipline. Just Knowing the pieces, spells, dances, mental workings, workings with all kings of things and so on....
A story about Dr. Harry Smith (deceased).https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Everett_Smith
Harrie was a supreme magus, not just an ordinary one by me, and had mastered the Abremelin Code....And was using it in a hugh sandbox so he could work in the sand Well he did something wrong, because fire started to shoot out upwards out of the sand. At the same time the walls caught on fire.
Yes, the fire was put out and the building that he then owned having had it gifted to him by Peggy Guggenheim who was also into magick and very wealthy, Now one was hurt.
Later, Harry figured out that he had placed several alphabeth letters in the wrong places of thr squares...
He never made that mistake again
So its like the movie The Treasure of Sierra Madre movie and bookhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Treas ... erra_Madre
The toughest, kindest, most highly intelligent person can be run off the track easily.
I have seen people becoming "engulfed" in good things but dangerous things, and the survival rate (iwas told, is something about 50-50)
So my suggestion is: See the Movie, If you Dare, and you might just learn how to handle important aspects of Self.
And that is a Good Thing. But I have a strong feeling that you will ignore this, completely.