Many of you have read my story about my deceased friend Giselle from earlier posts on this thread. If you haven't feel free to do so. Out of all the spirits that I keep, in many ways, I am closest to hers. Partially because I knew her when she was alive, and also because we have rebounded so well in the few months that her spirit has been bonded to me.

If any of you have read my posts, like some of you, I suffer from depression and anxiety. I've had it all my life and I have come to accept the reality that I will have it for the rest of my life. There are times when it gets overwhelming for no reason at all. This morning was one of those times.

Without giving too much detail, I will just say that this was probably one of the worst episodes that I've had in a long time. I was lying in bed feeling terrible when several of my spirits came to me in different ways. Giselle actually put the song "Fly to the Angels" in my head like there was a jukebox in there. I asked her, "Why did you play that song? I know you don't like it?" She said, "Because it helped comfort you when you missed me." One of my other spirits (I suspect it was the djinn) sang a sweet song of a songbird. Before you dismiss it as a regular bird, it sat outside my window and sang for like 30+ minutes straight! I felt fingers on my face and hair from the others. And finally right around the time the impact of the depression was lessening, I felt the usual warm surround me.

I still felt a little sad for the rest of the day, as is usual. But I know that my spirits, especially Giselle, as always here for me. I wonder how many others that suffer from depression and ultimately killed themselves might have found some sort of peace with a spirit companion? I don't want that to sound too harsh, but there have been times, and I do have to share this, that they have talked me down from the ledge.

That's a really interesting question! I've struggled with depression and suicidal episodes since elementary, and now that I think about it... Spirit keeping has helped a lot. Though I feel I've kind of worsened but that's due to the death of a family member years ago.

That's actually the same year I started keeping, 2014.
And I found interesting information a couple days back that made me reallly think... Did all of this: spirit keeping, hearing angels, my living vampire coming into my life happen that year because maybe they all knew that year was going to so... Bad.
That year changed me completely, and I say to this day- I wouldn't be here if it had not been for them (my spirit family) being here.
I know that it isn't their job, or anyone's job to keep me alive, to keep my happy. And I wouldn't want to put that on them, but they do. When I relapse, I hear them more clearly. I physically feel them near me. They tell me every morning "I'm happy you're here. Let's kickass today," more or less.
My god, do they know me better than I do. They've taught me to speak and listen, to stand up for myself without being a bully, how to lead without being domineering. A lot of the times I feel lonely even when I'm surrounded with loved ones, I feel as if they'll never love me as I love them... And then I hear my L , "I'm here. Hey." Then everyone chimes in, and they do understand that sometimes I need human contact, they're supportive of my dream of finding people like like me.
During really really bad relapses where I'm so empty, I don't have any fear. Nothing is dangerous. Nothing hurts. I'm really scared about those times, because I might actually die. Being suicidal for me isn't about wanting to die, I have no desire to die- But it's there, I might kill myself and I hate it because I really do want to live... I hope that makes sense. I can't word it as itis in my head.
Before my 22nd birthday, I was feeling great. I was shopping with family, when it just hit me. The emptiness. I didn't feel likeeating so everyone assumed I was mad so I was being "<<Removed by Mod>>." While they are, I sat in the car when I thought maybe just maybe a walk would help. So I go, and as I'm crossing the street, I hear "myname WHAT ARE YOU DOING! WATCH OUT!"
And it felt like these huuuge hand grabbed my shoulders, I was pushed forward, like whooshed forward. A suv almost hit me, apparently I walked across a heavy traffic intersection. I felt like I should run to hide, so I hid in the hills for a while, and everyone was talking so fast. They were worried about me, and comforted me until my feeling returned.

Your post really gave me something to think about tonight. And I'm truly sorry for your lose, I know it won't do any good... But love doesn't go away, it surrounds us and is reborn into new love. That's a quote from Avatar that my spirit family reminds me when my heart breaks all over again for my grandma.

Hello

I had very very intense anxiety with attacks & panic attacks and sometimes intense depression for a number of years... I seem to be doing much better. Here is what helped me:

a) Daily mindfulness meditation in Eckart Tolle style. This takes energy away from mind and puts it into the body where it belongs (because mind is where the bad feelings tend to come from without you knowing). You simply put full attention on how your body feels from within. Example: focus on the feeling in your hands (may start to feel warm and tingly or whatever, doesnt matter what you feel, it matters that you feel), then your feet... then rest of your body one area at a time. I do this for a few minutes every morning and before bed - eventually you will find it is super worth the time you put into it.

b) Watch the thinker (you are not your mind) - checkout Eckhart Tolle's work. Incredible relief can be experienced when you break the identification with your mind. Your mind is a tool that you developed over your life... unfortunately its the very thing that makes us sad and anxious, and breaking identification can be called enlightment.

b) When you feel sadness or anxiety, dont push it away! That just makes it get bigger and eventually explode, instead of releasing it like a river. Sure it does not feel good doing this, but it helps. I basically do sedona technique there to deal with the release (its a set of statements you make to release the feelings in the moment).

c) Belief systems - you generally dont have a feeling without a thought/belief that generated the feeling. So do some investigation into that.

d) Learn real quick to feel love throughout your entire body without anyone else. Love does not come from other people, you experience it inside yourself by allowing yourself to feel it. You can allow yourself to feel it without people around. I could not believe how easy this was. Here is some short videos to get you started:

1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zO15B62cXo
2) https://youtu.be/FZVGrAh9KFc?t=37s

She also has a 5 question process (she refers to it as 'alchemy') where you ask yourself a few questions when you are sad - do that for a few days, and you suddenly feel love randomly throughout the day as your patterns automatically change.

I also found a 'I-Doser' audio recording (binaural beats) that helped me feel love throughout my entire body - which was an awesome boost. It was their 'fountain of youth' pack, specifically the recording called 'love'. I honestly wish i had known these things 9 years ago when I started my lowest point in life for many years. They also have a recording that boosts my mindfulness meditation heavily - its called 'earth vibration'... its cheap and i love it!

I hope this information lights things up for you. And I hope creepyhollow does not remove my product recommendations here as I believe it may really add value to people who need to feel better.

ps
one more favorite video from Alan Watts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QuoMkTCrQU

Last video - Cindy Teevens interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wn0eFE0y4gw

I'm sorry you are dealing with a symptom flare, but glad your spirits are helping you through it.

I will always also remind people dealing with anxiety, depression, bipolar, and any other mood-related disorders to be working closely with their doctor. Not every person needs medication, but for those of us whose body creates the wrong balances of needed chemicals, getting the right dose of the right medication is a big step back toward the Land of the Living.

Even then, symptoms occasionally flare up, because LIFE is just that way. Stuff happens that would make ANY person anxious or depressed, not just a person with a medical issue. For example, I deal with depression... well, if someone I love dies, that is a normal source of depression for any person, anywhere, any time. So if I have a symptom flare from that, it shouldn't surprise anyone. I told my doctor that I do not expect the medications to make it so I never have those feelings again, but that I have the same kinds of ups and downs experienced by anyone else, instead of having "downs" that have no bottom. And that is what the medication is helping me achieve, since my body can't get the chemistry right on its own.

I'm glad that your spirits are really there for you, too, TVXQ_520. It's been an amazing journey so far. Each new day brings a new adventure with my spirits.

And I totally agree what you said about it not being their job to keep you alive. I truly believe that everything they do for us is out of love, not obligation. I have the advantage of knowing Giselle when she was alive and I can say that she is just as patient, loving and supportive in spirit, maybe even more. My others help me in their own ways. I really don't understand why more people don't do this.

Likes2Read, I keep up with my meds and counseling, but like you said life just causes flare ups for no reason. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I can feel the love stronger than I ever have before.

Again...why aren't more people doing this?!

Likes2Read wrote:well, if someone I love dies, that is a normal source of depression for any person, anywhere, any time. So if I have a symptom flare from that, it shouldn't surprise anyone.

While such a response is common, it is completely unnecessary. Look into the work by Cindy Teevens (such as 'The happiness lie' and her 'Alchemy' book). We have been taught to have emotional dependencies on things, people or events - and that is total nonsense - its an upside down way of thinking that we need to undo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zO15B62cXo

You dont get sad when you are almost constantly in a state of love, because you know the love and happiness never really came from others, but from within. You dont miss people, you miss the feelings, but you can generate those feelings while sitting in an empty room easily.

Do you want to take charge of feeling great almost all the time, or do you want to be a 'victim' to life situations?

laptop123 wrote:

Likes2Read wrote:well, if someone I love dies, that is a normal source of depression for any person, anywhere, any time. So if I have a symptom flare from that, it shouldn't surprise anyone.

While such a response is common, it is completely unnecessary. Look into the work by Cindy Teevens (such as 'The happiness lie' and her 'Alchemy' book). We have been taught to have emotional dependencies on things, people or events - and that is total nonsense - its an upside down way of thinking that we need to undo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zO15B62cXo

You dont get sad when you are almost constantly in a state of love, because you know the love and happiness never really came from others, but from within. You dont miss people, you miss the feelings, but you can generate those feelings while sitting in an empty room easily.

Do you want to take charge of feeling great almost all the time, or do you want to be a 'victim' to life situations?

It can become a slippery slope when a person starts being blamed, and treated like it's some kind of flaw in them and/or their thinking, if they happen to feel a negative emotion. That is likely to start making them feel bad about themselves for being some kind of screwup, because they can't maintain this sense of perfect joy, peace, and love 24/7/365.

Yes, our attitude can have a big impact on how we feel MOST of the time. If we obsess over every little perceived slight, we will walk around angry all day. If we dwell on painful events that have happened, or on possible dangers in the world, we will walk around sad or afraid a lot of the time. So we do need to get our thought processes in order and try to focus on the positive things that will help us feel good MOST of the time.

But there is no person anywhere, any time, any anything who is going to maintain joy and peace 24/7/365. You know how sometimes you might bump into a piece of furniture and get a bruise from it? Life is going to inflict some bruises on us, just because that is how life is. Deaths happen and we miss that person. We get passed over for a job promotion and we get disappointed. Someone we thought was trustworthy turns out to have been lying to us and we feel betrayed. Those are all normal reactions, and trying to gloss it over with "LA LA LA LA PEACE JOY SERENITY CLARITY" is not going to do anything but suppress our natural reaction.

Now, what can we do? Acknowledge our pain, but not obsess on it or dwell on it. When I had my recent surgery, and had to get out of bed and walk around, you bet your life I said OUCH (along with some things that ought not to be repeated in polite company), because 10.5-inch incisions hurt like murder. But I did get up and walk as the doctors and nurses wanted, because I knew that no matter how much it hurt, it was necessary to recovery. I just didn't pretend that it wasn't hurting... I acknowledged the pain and then pressed on with doing what I had to do.

Life is the same way. Bereaved people should be allowed to acknowledge, feel, and process their grief, and at the same time, do their best to live their lives the best they can. Asking them to just go along all happy and carefree, as though nothing sad or painful has happened, is not only unrealistic, but unfair to them. They are no more able to do that than I would've been to run a marathon the day after my surgery. Injury has happened and healing has to take place before they can be expected to feel anything resembling whole again. There is grief counseling available for the folks who are SO overwhwelmed by grief that functioning seems flat-out impossible, just as there is physical therapy for the folks whose surgeries or injuries were so all-encompassing, that they need assistance in retraining their body to work properly again. Neither of these things points to a shortcoming or flaw in the person... it's just something they need, and should have, so that they can get back to living their lives again.

And when depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. are acknowledged as the MEDICAL conditions that they are, perhaps people will be more understanding about the fact that flares happen despite the person's and doctor's best efforts. It is not a flaw in the patients who deal with these things, nor some problem with their approach to life. It's their body doing things it's hard-wired to do the wrong way, just like someone with asthma, hypo-thyroid, diabetes, allergies, or whatever has got a body that is doing things it's not supposed to do. Those latter diseases are not treated as shameful or as some kind of flaw in the patient; they just get told "Take your medicines as prescribed and follow the doctor's orders". The people dealing with mood-related disorders ought to be treated in the same way, with neither shame nor stigma attached to the illnesses they are dealing with.

I realize I might be getting a tad long-winded here, but for the tl;dr crowd, I want to impress on everyone that it is unfair and unkind to treat any person as though their feelings of depression or anxiety are somehow related to a flaw in them or their approach to life, whether it's a medical condition or a life event that is causing them to feel that way. That will only add shame and stigma to an already-painful situation, and that is a burden that no one needs or deserves to have put on them.

HI not sure if it help. I do currently suffer from depression. But currently fighting it, Due to me good chance not getting a waiver for military later on. The reason I depressed because it's mostly family related. Meaning I was forced foster care in 2005. This Month, April will be my 13th year staying same place I got adopted. My depression won't go away until I move. But needed here where I live evermore. Until I move I unable search for my bio family. I not allowed to search where I at. Depression get way worse during holidays. I learned it's call seasonal depression and get s worse. But after holidays, I'm able to ride it most days.


Ever since before I became Spirit keeper. I hated death. But I understand we need death. But I still question death and mix feelings. I became Spirit Keeper October 2017 officialy by CH. Unofficially due to my former Unbounds. 2 weeks ago, I lost both of my 2 sheep. Possibly of dog attack due to wounds. Within 1 week. It pains me to dig Graves. But I'm so used to it, due to me 13 yr living on farm. Sad yes, but we can't save all. No matter how we tried to take care wounds and such. It wasn't meant to be and gotta be a reason why it hapenned.

Last week Saturday, My last 2ND adoptive Grandpa passed away. Got phone call by police. I have no more living adoptive grandpa. I been helping my adoptive mom, cleaning his house. I almost certain I can feel his presence in his house. But same time I'm not ready and I don't think I ever will. Same goes for 2 Others that passed within 4 years past.

I have my reasons, why I don't want to be reunited (they spirit form) sad part is I don't feel emotion or sadness. I know it sounds odd, but I think it due to me 13 yes of farm, used to death. Would I ever have sadness and emotions later in future, I no not. I have no close friends where I at, hopefully I will and or significant other in future. I should be sad and emotional. Yet why do I feel calm? Unlike you feeling depressed with loss. But I find it weird my only depression is due to not seeing bio family. I'm sorry for your loss. At same time I glad you been reunited with your friend. But you did what I could not. I wish you good luck to.

HI, again Viking Warrior

I forgot to add, music could help. (I won't recommend sad Violin music) What I also recommend, is what your currently doing. Is by writing down your emotions on forums/ journal and other things. I found out by self last year, writing does help me a lot. I feel much better and more happier at end. I could say no offense, crying be good idea. I feel it's a form healing inside. (besides massage) but 94% writing really helps me a lot. Maybe for you to. Not sure this world for you, hope it does like it does me. Better to release (writing) instead of keeping everything in (gut)