Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

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darkwing dook
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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby darkwing dook » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:11 am

If you're talking about BDSM, it is common to separate the daily life and BDSM activities. here are people in leader position who are masochists. They fulfill their duty as leader during work, and enjoy BDSM in private time.


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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby Nil » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:37 am

Wuu... what DW said... he is so experienced and knows so much.. hmm... *wonders*... SO.. its possible.



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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby SirJusty » Thu Sep 20, 2018 3:18 pm

darkwing dook wrote:If you're talking about BDSM, it is common to separate the daily life and BDSM activities. here are people in leader position who are masochists. They fulfill their duty as leader during work, and enjoy BDSM in private time.


Unfortunately, not this time about BDSM ;) thought supposed to put in adult section to. I think I’m confusing others. :(

I’m probably horrible person though. I did say was forced to take care someone. I wasn’t more clear and I’m sorry. I moved back to my adoptive Mom next door 2 days ago. Due to my adoptive Gma health declined way so much since this June.

She just turned 87 yesterday. My adoptive grandma. It pretty good chance, this would be her last BDay alive. She keeps on having hard time breathing. Despite being good candidate for breathing tube. But not good candidate for rest of surgery. In June.

She hasn’t fully herself. I’m afraid don’t get me wrong. I’m afraid it be her breathing and or her heart giving out anytime. Hence she not good candidate for pace maker surgery.

I hope I won’t get in trouble for writing this. I believe it will make thing for clearer. but Hospital also gave “do not resistate (spell wrong) order. She wants to pass away here at home. But so far is hanging on.

She, my adoptive Gma is in pain all the time. This is what I mean I’m forced to take care. In way I’m forced to because I live same residence. I’m forced to, because I’m not allowed to say no.

In sense I do want to help out. Anyway I can, with her last remaining years and or even last remaining days of being alive. I don’t think she will ever make full recovery. She way to weak and very frail. Really high fall candidate to.

But I know it’s awful for me to say this. In way I keep telling myself every day. I’m horrible, bad person. It true I really do love others in Pain. In honestly her to. But I can’t change who I am. That I am Sadistic. It who and what I am, unfortunately. Even if I was able to change. In honestly I don’t want to change at all. I want to keep my Sadistic nature...

But same time, pity does set in motion in me. Even though I’m Sadistic in nature. I know I’m both A.S (Auto Sadist) and S.M. Henceforth BDSM, in way does play a role. Like you suggested. I don’t want to go more detail in BDSM. Because it for Adult Section only.

In sense, again the Pity and me being S and M. As well A.S. It hard to explain. Even though I do enjoy others in Pain. It’s just something about my adoptive Gma. Is in sense changing me. Something about her is awakening me.

It’s why I wanted write this thread. It’s why I tried get answers on Quora. Least look up Sadistic Nurse and Sadistic Healer. I left way to much details purposely. Because I know I bad person in sense. But at same time I made others confused.

Maybe I was meant to write this thread. To give out answers. I can’t tell if I’m more Sadistic in General. Or I’m more S and M in general. For sure, I’m so A. S. (Auto Sadist) I tend to accidentally hurt myself a lot. Some on farm, some when I try learn how to cook. Speaking of Farm, I honestly kinda liked it when that one time. My horse accidentally kicked me on barb wire fence. Unsure why horse got spooked. But huge scar I currently have on my right arm.

But going back to my adoptive Gma. I honestly started to cry. Least began to when I. I hardly cry. It been so long ago. But was incident last night (Sep 19) My adoptive Gma didn’t want me shut off bedroom light. Even though hall light was on. I keep wanting to shut off.

But she wanted to do it her self. I was really mad inside because I was hurt in sense. She is a fall risk. I worried she will hit her head on something. I’m worried she will forget her Oxygen. That was when I cry in my room. Some tears. I do love her despite me Sadist. But I know I will cry so hard, when she passes. I didn’t cry when my adoptive Grandpa and my last remaining alive. Passed away this February or March of 2018.

I took care of him to, in some sense. I know I didn’t Cry when my adoptive Aunt passed away 4 years ago. I honestly smiled when Nurse told me in Hospital Adoptive Aunt not going make it alive. Maybe it because we didn’t got along much. Maybe it’s because of other things that I blame myself. Due to my fault of not getting along. I know she visited me in dream 4 months ago. I still remember dream vividly. I’m not ready to share. But I’m not ready to talk to her yet to.

I’m afraid to look at her picture hanging by my adoptive Mom thermostat. I feel so ashamed and can’t forgive myself. But also feel was my fault for not getting along in first place. She did say I would make good Nurse, before she passed. She said I took good care of her. But I don’t see it that way. But 3 years later, last year. That was when I know in sense I was Sadistic. Because she to was in pain. I didn’t understand at the time.

In conclusion, something about my Adoptive Grandma is changing me. I’m crying more. I haven’t cried in long long time. Maybe since was kid. ( maybe I was originally Sadistic to begin with due to my bio birth day, did “things” to me before being foster care.

Maybe I’m more S and M. Because I wish somehow, some way. If any way at all. Any spell or something in general. (Not to mention something for me to do in Magick wise in Practice) I really wish I can take all the pain from my Adoptive Gma and put all her pain. From her into me.

Not to mention again me being A.S anyway. In sense I guess I’m really not bad person after all. Even if I’m Sadistic. Maybe I was meant to help others in general. I wish there was a way to receive pain from her. But unsure if that possible. So I guess I’m becoming more S.M in general. I hope I not get in trouble for writing all of this. Feel I needed to explain more. But hopefully others will know why. I asked about Sadistic Healer in general. Many thanks.



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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby Nil » Thu Sep 20, 2018 4:37 pm

You are all over the place and repeating like a broken record. No matter what you say or experience, you have to remember ONE thing. You are only human. No matter how sadistic you want to be, no matter how evil you want to be, no matter how angelic or draconic you want be, or how elf-y or mermaidy you want to be.. you are only human. Yes, we might have some experiences that changes us and make us become what we are. .. but keep in mind. .. that is only temporary. It is just a coping mechanism to get through that stage. No matter how cold you wanna be, how evil or however you wanna be, you are still human. You will meet a trigger that will crack all locks or boxes you put your feelings in no matter how well you hide them. This is the path of humans. What you should be doing is do some shadow work... met this side of you. . Study her.. embrace her.. and thank her for being part of you that help you cope with whatever you were facing then and embrace her and tell her it is ok now..things have gotten better and she can rest and be dormant in you now. You have it under control now. Absorb and embrace her as part of you and merge into one. Your grandma might be the trigger to tell you that you need to return to the real you. That you might have issues of the past that is catching up and time to face yourself and make peace with yourself. Go do some shadow work. Get your pieces together and embrace them into you and make you a more complete you. Don't fight yourself. Hope this makes sense. Typing from mobile is restrictive :p



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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby Alys-RaccoonReadings » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:54 pm

Reading this along with your other posts just really confirms my opinion that working with a solid psychiatrist would be an amazing act of self care for you. I’m not saying that with judgement. My issues are different, but psychiatric care is very necessary to me too. Even if this is just who you are, a good psychiatrist and therapist will help you live your best and healthiest life, however that looks for you.



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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby laneybug7 » Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:58 pm

I'm a little late into this, but thought to input my thoughts. I'm a bit lost with what you're trying to explain or ask, but let's start with your original question. Can a person be a sadistic nurse or caretaker? Sure, typically they continue schooling and become doctors. Just kidding! I have a personal grievance against doctors. 1bg In all seriousness, yes there are all kinds of people who are in a caretaking or medical field just as any other career. Some can be living healing angels...others well maybe it was a family tradition or they're in it for the money or reputation. Does it make them sadistic? Who would know...usually they wouldn't act on it in their career setting. At home or in the bedroom may be a whole different story. It seems like in your case you are a caretaker because you live with the person. You didn't choose it. It's just something we all have to do time to time whether chosen or not. On the flip side there are innate healers who would definitely be amazing caretakers or nurses, but aren't for their own reasons.

Now to address the 'sadistic' and pain part of this question. You mentioned a few times that you smile when others are in pain. Is the pain caused by you or do you imagine it's at your hand. If not think of why it makes you smile. Do some shadow work like Wolves said. For example, do you smile because you feel that they deserve it? Or is it like a reflex, do you just automatically smile when someone is in pain? What part of someone in pain brings you delight? Do some introspection and try to figure out your reasons or triggers. Here's an example, I'm a LMT(licensed massage therapist)and quite frequently get clients that are extremely tense. Sometimes the only way to achieve relief is for me to drive my pointy little elbow into their knots. Is it a picnic in the park for them? Most likely not. In many cases it's a little intense and maybe even a little painful(in a good way). Yes there is such thing as a therapeutic pain. It may make me smile, but only because I know that they'll feel so much better afterwards. Does that make me sadistic? I would hope not. If it were to cause like harmful pain I'd immediately stop. Just figure out why..even for your peace of mind.


Regardless, You sound like you care a lot about your gma and you really wish to help her. I couldn't call at least that sadistic at all. Caretaking is not an easy task and for anyone may lead to some 'darker' thoughts due to the impact it has in you. Believe me, caretakers and nurses are amongst my best clients. Best of luck with you and your gma. I'm not a psych though so please if you really need advice seek a psych or therapist.



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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby Likes2Read » Thu Sep 20, 2018 10:26 pm

Alys wrote:Reading this along with your other posts just really confirms my opinion that working with a solid psychiatrist would be an amazing act of self care for you. I’m not saying that with judgement. My issues are different, but psychiatric care is very necessary to me too. Even if this is just who you are, a good psychiatrist and therapist will help you live your best and healthiest life, however that looks for you.

Agree 100% about having a counselor. It has nothing to do with whether or not you feel sadistic in any way. But the chain of events that led to your going into foster care and being adopted might have left its mark on you emotionally. If it did, getting help processing those experiences will be life-changing, in a good way. It won’t erase the past, nor change it, but this more-mature, older you might have an easier time understanding the past and your emotions, than the child you could have had.

Seriously, think about it.


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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby DualWanderer3 » Fri Sep 21, 2018 12:06 am

2sd You know,as much as I want to say something I get the feeling that no matter how hard I try I'm just going to get backlash and ridicule for it along with comments like"your not helping"or"you should see a theripist too"and things along thoughs lines so I think I'll just say I understand what your saying and getting to know your darkside and making peace with it would help which is what shadow work is from my understanding.Thats all I'm going to add to this.

blessed be



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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby Nil » Fri Sep 21, 2018 2:12 am

DualWanderer3 wrote:2sd You know,as much as I want to say something I get the feeling that no matter how hard I try I'm just going to get backlash and ridicule for it along with comments like"your not helping"or"you should see a theripist too"and things along thoughs lines so I think I'll just say I understand what your saying and getting to know your darkside and making peace with it would help which is what shadow work is from my understanding.Thats all I'm going to add to this.

blessed be


thou shall reflect and repent on thy sin.... Just kidding! thats what i suggested and i think that is what she needs. so you arent that far off and nobody is ridiculing you (except for me but i am evil.. so... dont take what i say seriously :P). be more confident! and you might need that shadow work too :X come... join the dark side with wolfy.. look within yourself.. find that dark side.. embrace it... and merge with it.. and becomes one... the sith is calling you.. buwuahahahahaha...



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Re: Is there Such Thing As A Sadistic Healer?

Postby SirJusty » Tue Sep 25, 2018 5:26 pm

HI everyone thanks for many good suggestions. I do have upcoming appointment on October 8. Via Dr. I have to get referral to go counseling. To place called Behavioral Health. I heard this place is first come first serve. I don't like that. I love appointment better, especially for counseling at BH.

In sense, I wish my first doctor I saw gave me referral. But he was a brain doctor. Dr wanted see if my brain was working. Due to this incident I had (3 weeks Ago?) at Vision Place I wrote incident here in forum. Just haven't updated ) Brain Dr. Said my brain was working. (I unsure why I had see Brain Doctor though)

Anyway, he said same thing as you guys. With counseling. He said I had really bad nervous breakdown. (probably through all the events going on) hence he made appointment for me to see another Dr. To get referral to go counseling. (Oct. 8) there going up my depression meds to.

They going give me meds for my bipolar to. I thought I was given meds for them last year. But no meds was given... Hence BH is for my bipolar only though. Unsure if I can change to other things in counseling though. Thanks again for suggestions.




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