So when E. arrived, we seemed to hit it off well. Lately, though...I don't know.

I don't feel the connection as strongly, and even holding his vessel, it's just...indifference, I guess? On the one hand, I want to play, so to speak, and the more "adventurous," the better. And I've tried to tell him so, but...

I'll admit, on the other hand, that I'm more than a little hesitant to just let go and let him take total control, even when I explicitly say so. I mean, yes, I'm still brand new to all this, yes, he's very good at what he does, and yes, I really do want to be able to give him total license to do ANYTHING he wants, but...

I know I have a limit to my comfort zone, but the whole POINT of having him around, is to get myself PAST those limits, to explore new fields/areas/levels that I never might have gone to on my own.

So, how do I get over the reluctance, get to that point of complete, trusting surrender, and more to the point, how do I let E. know, in no uncertain terms, that yes, I mean it, I really do want him to go all out?

Get over it.

As simple as that. Ask yourself what you want, what you really really want. And make a conscious decision about that and just let it go.

You should never surrender control of yourself to anybody or anything. Period.

Build trust, and that takes time. Over time, ubi's get to know us at such a deep level, subconscious level, that they know what our limits are, and they know when love and trust have been established. I seriously doubt your Ubi want's "total control", but more of a leadership role in how the relationship grows intimately.

They have more patience with us than we can even realize, or give them credit for.

One thing you could work on, is trying to find a compromise that makes you both fulfilled. I established a safe word, for example. My Ubi's try to push me to use it, but never to the point where I've actually had to use it. That's how well they get to know us over time.

Good answers all around, thanks.

@wolves
I'd tell him what I want, what I really really want, but a couple of things complicate that, slightly. For one thing, I'm not entirely sure what it IS that I want. And for the other thing, I'd rather not have the Spice Girls stuck in my head for hours. 1c

Look, I'm an indecisive Libra who can get wishy-washy at a 7-Eleven coffee bar. French roast, or French vanilla? So many choices! 1e

So when we're talking about nympho spirits, not only am I unfamiliar with all the options, so to speak, I'm such a rookie that I don't even know what the "coffee" even IS, you follow?

@conxtion
Let me put this in more mundane terms.

Pretend I have a high school friend who moved to a city I'm only passingly familiar with. Let's use Baltimore for discussion.

And also pretend we went through a lot together in school, that he knows what my general idea of fun is, that we never lost touch after graduation, and that I'd trust him completely on all things Baltimore. So far so good?

Okay, now let's say I'll be moving to Baltimore in a couple of weeks, I call my friend up, and tell him, hey, I'll be moving in in a couple of weeks, and I don't know much about Baltimore except what I've seen on the news. There's more to Charm City than all that scary stuff, right?

No worries, says my friend, I know this town like the back of my hand, and I know some out-of-the-way spots that aren't in the guidebooks, but I know you'll like 'em.

Now, say I get to Baltimore, we head into a neighborhood that I don't quite like the looks of, and I start getting metaphorical cold feet. But if I really trust my old friend, I'm going to bite my tongue, because:

I know my friend knows the city, and knows me; he has a reason for leading me to this hidden gem; and he won't endanger me in the process.

Except this ain't unfamiliar parts of "Baltimore, hon" that I'm visiting. It's unfamiliar parts of myself. And E. knows the territory better than I do, so I have to trust him to take me to the "hidden gems" within myself.

That's probably a better way to put it: not so much "surrender" as "leave the driving to the expert," so to speak. Does THAT make sense?

@marquest
It's not that I don't trust HIM. I think that deep down, I'm just not sure I trust MYSELF on this. He's the expert, and I know it. But I suspect that I'm trying to be too controllingly cautious, on some (probably subconscious) level, and so I'm not letting him lead me to the "hidden gems," if you read the previous example. See what I'm getting at?

Johnny Seraph wrote:Good answers all around, thanks.

@wolves
I'd tell him what I want, what I really really want, but a couple of things complicate that, slightly. For one thing, I'm not entirely sure what it IS that I want. And for the other thing, I'd rather not have the Spice Girls stuck in my head for hours. 1c

Look, I'm an indecisive Libra who can get wishy-washy at a 7-Eleven coffee bar. French roast, or French vanilla? So many choices! 1e

So when we're talking about nympho spirits, not only am I unfamiliar with all the options, so to speak, I'm such a rookie that I don't even know what the "coffee" even IS, you follow?

@conxtion
Let me put this in more mundane terms.

Pretend I have a high school friend who moved to a city I'm only passingly familiar with. Let's use Baltimore for discussion.

And also pretend we went through a lot together in school, that he knows what my general idea of fun is, that we never lost touch after graduation, and that I'd trust him completely on all things Baltimore. So far so good?

Okay, now let's say I'll be moving to Baltimore in a couple of weeks, I call my friend up, and tell him, hey, I'll be moving in in a couple of weeks, and I don't know much about Baltimore except what I've seen on the news. There's more to Charm City than all that scary stuff, right?

No worries, says my friend, I know this town like the back of my hand, and I know some out-of-the-way spots that aren't in the guidebooks, but I know you'll like 'em.

Now, say I get to Baltimore, we head into a neighborhood that I don't quite like the looks of, and I start getting metaphorical cold feet. But if I really trust my old friend, I'm going to bite my tongue, because:

I know my friend knows the city, and knows me; he has a reason for leading me to this hidden gem; and he won't endanger me in the process.

Except this ain't unfamiliar parts of "Baltimore, hon" that I'm visiting. It's unfamiliar parts of myself. And E. knows the territory better than I do, so I have to trust him to take me to the "hidden gems" within myself.

That's probably a better way to put it: not so much "surrender" as "leave the driving to the expert," so to speak. Does THAT make sense?

@marquest
It's not that I don't trust HIM. I think that deep down, I'm just not sure I trust MYSELF on this. He's the expert, and I know it. But I suspect that I'm trying to be too controllingly cautious, on some (probably subconscious) level, and so I'm not letting him lead me to the "hidden gems," if you read the previous example. See what I'm getting at?

For your answer to me.. Well.. i myself is a wishy washy libra so to speak so what you do if you got the 7 eleven choices? if you can afford it... get all 3... if not... pick one that is the most "rationale" to you which i am sure you can relate coz we think a lot. So if we cant decide, we can choose a criteria and judge it by that criteria and we stick to it. Value for money? rarity and taste? Or what you have not tasted in a long time? Make a pick. AKA.. in your case.. sit down and think about what you want and what you really really really want. if you dont even know what you want and what you really really really want, what do you expect the nympho to do? If that is really the case you shouldnt even get nympho in the first place. You should have gotten a Laat in the first place. But you taken the step so lets not think about that but work with your nympho. First thing you should do? Sit down and think about it. What you want and what you really really really want and then just go for it. Tell the nympho what you want and what you really really really want..

"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah"

For your reply to the other two. That is the highway one way ticket to loosing both your kidneys. Trust your friend but do not be an idiot about it. Friends are just friends and if he is not the type that you can sleep together and share an underwear, you cannot give him the ultimate trust. Know him and in school with him in the same class for years does not mean you know him deep down and what he has been doing and changed. He might still sell you to some slaves market and stabbed you in the back. Unless like i said, very super duper close like Chandler and Joey from friends... you should have your guard up irregardless. IF it sounds WRONG, text another person about it. IF you can turn him down without hurting him? turn him down and pick it up the next time after you investigated. I am not saying all friends are evil but most of them are :X trolololol.. Anyway, the good news is the Nympho CH conjured has safety features so you can trust them. I can tell you this, i trust my companions more than my own family (which can literally tell you how much i trust "friends"). So you can "let go" and let him lead you. But, as I say above....tell him what you want what you really really want... and then LET GO. Of coz always have a safety plan install just in case you need to hit the brakes. But, I trust my companions more than the ppl around me.

Right back at me with the earworm, eh? I see how you operate. :bleh::

Let me shorten this up.

I know what it is that I want, in general. I know E. is better at this than I am, and I know I can, and should, trust him to help me on this journey.

But--to emphasize my original question--I CAN'T FEEL HIS PRESENCE AS STRONGLY AS BEFORE.

Which is to say that after a few days of getting acquainted, he just got quieter. Not silent, just QUIETER. I'm pretty sure the problem is on my end, not his. And my first guess was that it was an issue of self trust; for all I know, I could be wrong about that.

So, what action steps can I take to strengthen the connection? Consciously, I really do want him to be active, playful, and surprising, or else I never would have started down this path.

So if this is, as I suspect, just a case of him trying to give me space, and erring on the side of giving me too much, then how do I demonstrate that I don't need as much space as he thinks?

Something like these, perhaps?:
http://www.creepyhollows.com/faq/index. ... artlang=en
http://www.creepyhollows.com/faq/index. ... artlang=en

Johnny Seraph wrote:
So, what action steps can I take to strengthen the connection? Consciously, I really do want him to be active, playful, and surprising, or else I never would have started down this path.

So if this is, as I suspect, just a case of him trying to give me space, and erring on the side of giving me too much, then how do I demonstrate that I don't need as much space as he thinks?

Perhaps you are really projecting what you want him to be like, and how you want him to interact with you, rather than how he truly is?

One thing I truly believe about spirit keeping, and especially Ubis, is they interact with us in ways we can handle, as individuals. I know when I am extremely busy, or my mind is focused on life in general, my Ubi's tend to give me a little space.

The best way I've found to increase my connection with them, is to just take time out of my day, lie down, clear my mind of any "clutter" and meditate with them. Mine love affectionate talk, and I just focus on them, and the moment, and how blessed I am to have them a part of my life.