I feel like I have lesser and lesser friends since highschool to college, today. Especially since most of my friends from the same year already graduated. I've been living alone, really by my own. I don't have a roomates. It feels really lonely sometimes honestly.

Most of the time I'm sitting alone at class, rarely talk, and I dislike when there's time to form a group project. Because, I'll have a hard time to join one group, since I don't know anyone. Getting too reserved is one of the problem, leads to procrastination, and create problem in the next week.

Thankfully, my social skills is already improved, thanks to some friends and family. The source is also the ego, I'm actually being too egoistic and depended too much on myself. In fact, there's a lot of thing I couldn't handle.

Well, things actually get better. But, I'm still alone. I can communicate better with people, braver to ask to join a class group. But I still don't have a close friends to hangout with, there was one or two, but we rarely meet.

I get a bit jealous when people having a group of friend to talk with and joking around. While I just being quiet alone, even when walking around in public. But you know what, all I can do just simply accept it, the situation, if I'm being a loner, so be it.

The important thing is, I'll just have to keep a friendly impression to others. Can't really make a lively conversation to anyone, but just give a smile or saying hi is good. As long as I can share a positivity to others, not being gloomy or hateful. Otherwise, make people feel comfortable is enough. And thankfully, I still have family who cares, who I can visit.

I used to have this problem as well. Very shy in college, didnt really make any good friends I could talk to outside of my classes in the first year or so.. it does take some time. Im proud of you for your improvement already.

Sometimes it just takes you to push yourself a little more to form those connections. Find someone you can relate to, or feel okay talking to. Ask to get together and study after class. Ask them questions about the class you’re in if you’re having a hard time understanding a concept or something from a lecture. If you want a more casual thing, start to learn how to ask open questions about others’ interests, or bring one of your own interests into the conversation. It could help :)

That's a step in the right direction! I didn't like to talk to people, most of them were boring anyway. I appreciate interesting personalities to hold conversations of value but you musn't find these people at school. Here are some tips that helped me to find more friends:

1. Common interests or humour
You don't have to ask people like an awkward nerd, therefore listening to your fellow humans in class is really important. Maybe you're really fond of someone's sarcastic tone or taste in literature. Someone could voice an opinion you agree with. That's even better if the person is a loner himself! Approach him and try to initiate a conversation. Try to maintain a sense of humour.

2. Earn their trust and respect
The only difference between a nerd and a knowledgeable person is his attitude. Don't boast or talk too much about a topic, no one has an idea of. Be helpful and productive bit don't let yourself get used and abused.

3. Try to fit in but don't fully adjust
Once upon a time there was a feminist. She shaved her head, dyed the remaining hair green, wore revealing clothing and critised everyone for supporting the patriarchy. That girl thought she knew it all, that she was no longer a slave to sexist obligations and that most people were below her. People thought that she should shut the f*ck up. Exactly, that girl was me. My spiteful attitude, irrational behaviour and ugliness on purpose put people off. I was a still a lone wolf. Signalling that you're not like the others will exactly do that. I can tell you, I tried to fit in everywhere (Emos, Goths, Otakus, Right-Wingers, Communists, Feminists...). Then I realised that I had to burst the bubble to finally be myself. I wasn't better than the others kids trying to fit in with the in-crowd. I did the same.

I've got my equivalent of a high school diploma last year. So, in the yearbook there was a ranking. They had thought out a category for me. I was the #1 for 'alien in human skin'. Confidence is the key. I hope that you can read something helpful along those lines. 1ey

Lol I'm in my late 20s and I still have this problem actually. I kind of just accepted it too... I used to be the kind of person people slapped a label on with being "quiet/shy" and I HATED that. I resented that. I grew up within very violent environments so I was always watchful of how others behaved toward me. I'm still like that today even though it doesn't look like it. I consider myself someone very aloof and cautious and wary of everyone, even though people see me as being friendly and open, I am a perceptive one.

Basically a loner in high school, a loner in college... well that carried on well into my current age. Never had a single friend in college and always took naps alone between college classes... always spent my lunches outside alone for 4 years during my time in high school. I see this still reflected on the internet, I don't necessarily have close internet friendships despite trusting few folks. Most people who are my "online mutuals" have known me for years and know my story, but ultimately I do not really get personally close to them. I never have fit in with others and in a way I kind of relish on that.

And hey - tbh there is nothing wrong with that! Unless you feel lonely from being alone, then there are ways you can invest your energy into changing that of course. I agree it's not so bad to be a loner though.

I kind of just stopped caring at some point.. though every once in awhile it still bothers me since I drifted even from the large group of friends I made at a job once, and I've never really had a proper social circle. I've always been a misfit and the odd one out haha. I started traveling out of state years ago, finally meeting and staying with friends I've known online for years and I found they have become some of my most true friends despite not talking to them all the time. Though yeah.. there is the struggle of not having those local friends I want.
I relate to your post a lot. ^^

I forgot to add - I even lived at an apartment for 2 years (unfortunately had to move back with family.. I don't even really talk to my family in spite of living under the same roof) and I had a roommate who had many common interests with me and we were VERY similar but we never even really talked that much LOL I honestly felt like I was living alone HAHAHA oh lord

I am over 40 years old. Was a loner in every level of school and college. Had only a handful of close, close friends. When I got married, they all went on their merry way, telling me I was too busy now that I was married and I didn't ever change my habits, they just assumed I had no time for them.

I don't make friends at work generally. I don't associate with co-workers outside of work. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why that's different than making friends growing up, but somehow it is. I got to know my co-workers and went to lunch with them a lot, but outside of work nope, not interested. LOL I think I just don't want personal drama spilling over into work.

I did make two really good friends through one of my jobs a few years ago. They moved out of town but I still keep in touch and I'm planning to go visit them in May. Not sure why that friendship managed to be different than the others. I think maybe because he was in a different department and wasn't management so it didn't really feel like I had to "work with him". We obviously interacted interdepartmentally, but we didn't have the same jobs.

Anyways, outside of that I am not a member of a club or organization and I despise church. So I rarely get a chance to meet new people and even think of being more than an acquaintance. And I'm perfectly happy with that. Most people annoy me.

The really hard part is I actually feel more comfortable around older people. Always have. People 10-20 years older than I are my best buds. LOL My girlfriend happens to be exactly my age and she's so over-the-top emotional all the time that I'm perfectly happy to only see her on the weekend. LOL For some reason that's just how things worked out for me. There's nothing wrong with it. It's quiet. LOL

I think a big part of this is also getting older and realizing there’s a lot of people you really don’t want to associate with anymore or they are just draining/toxic people.

In high school and college I had BIG groups of friends because I was really involved. I was in multiple choirs, doing plays/musicals through out the year, really involved with church and I hung out with my coworkers too. I look back on those times and yeah, they were fun but they were fun because of the activities, not because of all the “friends.” There was ALWAYS drama and it seemed like someone was always fighting or mad at someone else, and then I would get roped in and it was so exhausting.

I’m in my early 30s now and I live alone and the only people I interact with are my customers that come in to my work and my manager (who I love dearly. She’s like a second mother to me). I moved about 5 years ago and first got a job as a bartender. I made a lot of friends right away, but none of them were quality people. Again, DRAMA and shadiness. I got a new job and have been much saner lol. People can be draining and being where I am now, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. I have my small group of solid close friends and my family, and that’s it. It’s how I like it though. I don’t have to pretend to like people or play games. I go home every night after work, cook dinner and have a restful night in. I love it lol.

I agree with this completely. There was a time in my life where I wanted to have a vibrant social life, go out all the time, and have lots of friends. However most of the friends and co-workers I associated with were toxic and draining people. People that would listen to your problems and then broadcast them to others shortly thereafter. Years ago when I started keeping people at arms lengths I started noticing my personal happiness increasing. Due to my job I have to be social with a whole host of people, but when the day is done I enjoy my solitude. I have family members and a few friends that I hold dear but for the most part I enjoy coming home, cooking dinner, working in my yard, having an adult beverage, going to bed.

Yay, introverts and hermits DON'T unite, because that would mean joining a group of people and that's just exhausting.
Let's just keep to ourselves.

Aprophis wrote:Yay, introverts and hermits DON'T unite, because that would mean joining a group of people and that's just exhausting.
Let's just keep to ourselves.

Laugh out loud time 1la 1la 1la