Well I tried to order something from CH again and i started to panic a few hours after again. Perhaps spirit keeping isnt for me. Or spell keeping. I only did spells and readings this time, but I still started to freak out when going to bed. Perhaps im not ready?

Maybe I'll only do readings. I've had success with those in the past. Gosh i still really feel drawn to the Tharian Protection Amulet though. and the Earth Power organic amulet.

After my order is canceled I'll try and do only readings. Perhaps Ash and Magnolia can figure out what is wrong or if I'm too ahead of myself. I did a a reading by them before and didnt freak out.

Or maybe I'm just supposed to stay away.

I would say not to cancel the order. You could be just experience new buyers anxiety and second thoughts. While every one's journey is different, I would say we have to start somewhere. Spells could be the good starting place for you.

What's got you "freaking out" firefly?

Could be worthwhile spending some time with those thoughts/feelings and try to specifically narrow down what's causing the reaction.

And of course, feel free to discuss that here if you'd like.

Seems like a subconscious reaction based on the information provided. Did you grow up in a strict household or something that would otherwise make you afraid or otherwise uncertain about this sort of path?

Darlin', it's okay to be nervous and scared. I am, and I did the penny deal for a Hellhound. I have never done this. And so I am very new to this. I'm terrified I am in over my head, but my brother says I'm just up to my nose. Which does not help. But I am learning to calm down. I am becoming more cautious. I am going to admit I am scared to receive my Hellhound, though they have come to me through my dreams these past two or three night. I did the order Monday, finally got it assigned to someone on Friday...Relax, meditate, listen to music, watch a movie or two, or maybe dance around like no one is watching.

Do anything you want or can to relax. Get what you feel drawn to. It will be okay. I know how it is to worry about something, especially if you feel you are not ready, or you are nervous because of the fact you are nervous about the spirit you ordered or say a spell. You just need to find something that relaxes you. For me its music, or cooking/baking. It keeps my mind off what I've purchased and the waiting. All I can really say, is breathe. You will be okay. And please do not cancel your order. Just...Give it a try, please?

Also sorry about the Darlin' thing. Grew up in a place where it is normal...

Huffette wrote:I would say not to cancel the order. You could be just experience new buyers anxiety and second thoughts. While every one's journey is different, I would say we have to start somewhere. Spells could be the good starting place for you.

Alrighty I'll give it a little longer. Hopefully things will settle down.

Soltari wrote:What's got you "freaking out" firefly?

Could be worthwhile spending some time with those thoughts/feelings and try to specifically narrow down what's causing the reaction.

And of course, feel free to discuss that here if you'd like.

I'm not sure... I think I'm afraid that I will be crossing a threshold that I cannot return from. Like maybe there's something on the otherside of this metaphorical door that I'm about to open, ready to attack me. I don't want to be open to anything evil or scary or that can hurt me. I honestly don't think this site has anything like that, but I'm still just so inexperienced that anything new is scary for me. Thats why I only chose the three items being the Earth power Amulet, The Lazy Orb, and This Spell. I'm also kind of Afraid that I'm getting in over my head. Also, what if I do something thats going to really mess me up? I mean, I practice Wicca and trust that im not gonna screw things up there, but thats really all the experience I have besides spirit animal meditation.

Muse wrote:Seems like a subconscious reaction based on the information provided. Did you grow up in a strict household or something that would otherwise make you afraid or otherwise uncertain about this sort of path?

My parents were VERY christian. I turned to Wicca for protection against my abusive stepdad when I was 17. Before then I collected gemstones and meditated. I got my first pendulum when I was 14. It jumped at me at a psychic fair. I never want a path that is going to harm others or myself.

Gothicpumpkinfairy wrote:Darlin', it's okay to be nervous and scared. I am, and I did the penny deal for a Hellhound. I have never done this. And so I am very new to this. I'm terrified I am in over my head, but my brother says I'm just up to my nose. Which does not help. But I am learning to calm down. I am becoming more cautious. I am going to admit I am scared to receive my Hellhound, though they have come to me through my dreams these past two or three night. I did the order Monday, finally got it assigned to someone on Friday...Relax, meditate, listen to music, watch a movie or two, or maybe dance around like no one is watching.

Do anything you want or can to relax. Get what you feel drawn to. It will be okay. I know how it is to worry about something, especially if you feel you are not ready, or you are nervous because of the fact you are nervous about the spirit you ordered or say a spell. You just need to find something that relaxes you. For me its music, or cooking/baking. It keeps my mind off what I've purchased and the waiting. All I can really say, is breathe. You will be okay. And please do not cancel your order. Just...Give it a try, please?

Also sorry about the Darlin' thing. Grew up in a place where it is normal...

I've had panic attacks for a couple years, but I always get attracted to creepy hollows around october, when the veil is thinning. It feels like the frequency increases when I want to order something. Also, my stomach gets tight and i feel like im going to throw up out of anxiety. My heart races and I just can't relax enough to get to sleep.

Firefly_Dreamer wrote:I've had panic attacks for a couple years, but I always get attracted to creepy hollows around october, when the veil is thinning. It feels like the frequency increases when I want to order something. Also, my stomach gets tight and i feel like im going to throw up out of anxiety. My heart races and I just can't relax enough to get to sleep.

I understand. I have them too. I get them to the point where I...basically....end up freaking out so bad that I finally end up hyperventilating and sobbing. Sobbing so bad and hard that I get a headache. But before all that is a nasty sight. Something I do not wish to experience again. But I understand panic attacks. Something is calling you, whether it be a spell or a spirit, or an entity.

Now, all you have to do is a few spells of protection. Maybe a protective spirit, or even gemstones/herbs will help. I know nothing about this, but I know that protection is number 1 in this. If you ever wanna talk, I'm here, and I know everyone else here for you too.

Sounds like you have a number of factors influencing you Firefly.

Let me make an additional suggestion for your order - https://shop.creepyhollows.com/ASH-S-FA ... PLACE.html

Great protection amulet from Ash. With the lazy orb as well (I have one, and two of the code words boost both protection spells and chakra clearing/aligning) it should compliment each other and your order well, and keep any nasties at a distance.

I think a lot of things are influencing how you feel - subconsciously from your upbringing more then anything - but as your a fan of meditation, try fully quieting your mind, let the monkey brain relax and see if that helps with the anxiety. The spells you've selected are all benign and not going to suddenly leave you open to anything, or rip the door off its hinges. It will take time and patience to get fully "open", and it will be at your discretion.

I've seriously tried to not weigh in on this. But its become unavoidable.

Man... my brain says to advise you to be calm and stay strong. Find strength and solace where you can.

But... if it doesnt feel right, you shouldn't force it. It may not yet be the time. You may have to make peace with yourself, first. Take care of you. This should always be your first priority.

Like Rupaul said "if you cant love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

Gothicpumpkinfairy wrote:

Firefly_Dreamer wrote:I've had panic attacks for a couple years, but I always get attracted to creepy hollows around october, when the veil is thinning. It feels like the frequency increases when I want to order something. Also, my stomach gets tight and i feel like im going to throw up out of anxiety. My heart races and I just can't relax enough to get to sleep.

I understand. I have them too. I get them to the point where I...basically....end up freaking out so bad that I finally end up hyperventilating and sobbing. Sobbing so bad and hard that I get a headache. But before all that is a nasty sight. Something I do not wish to experience again. But I understand panic attacks. Something is calling you, whether it be a spell or a spirit, or an entity.

Now, all you have to do is a few spells of protection. Maybe a protective spirit, or even gemstones/herbs will help. I know nothing about this, but I know that protection is number 1 in this. If you ever wanna talk, I'm here, and I know everyone else here for you too.

Yeah, 've been there too. Small spaces help a lot too. I'll often sit in my closet or in he bathroom when I'm freaking out to calm down. I've noticed Levels to it as well.

Like usually it starts with an unsettling constant stomach-drop and heart squeeze feeling. Then it moves on to the anxiety gagging and nausea. After that my heart races and my breathing picks up.

After that it could be anything from crying and wanting my mom to constant repeating of certain phrases like "why is this happening?" "Why wont it stop?" "Why do i feel like this" "Am I gonna Die?" "What the ____ is wrong with me". I shake sometimes, or I get a headache. Sometimes other things happen too. It is hard to describe when I'm not in it. I also cant focus on anything without either gagging or actually throwing up. No technology, no phone, no books, no music. Not even meditation.

To anyone who hasn't felt this, It's kind of like when you get on a roller coaster and the bar that comes down locks. Take that feeling of "Oh <<Removed by Mod>>this is gonna happen now" and "I can't get off if I need to" and amplify that by maybe 2 on a good day or 15 on a bad one and stretch those few minutes out to hours and that is what it is like. That is the best i can describe the feeling.

@Infernal Nachos Thanks so much for weighing in. I've made a lot more peace with myself the past two years than i had in my entire 19 prior to that. I'm still dealing with things, but I have turned my crazy train around. It's been hard but I'm getting there. I mean i have 10 years of constant negativity and abuse, verbal, mostly but some physical, that still weighs on me. I've only been away from it two years not including the isolation I put myself through to avoid him. But a lot of the people around me noticed a huge positive change. I'm not suicidal or wishing for death like i used to be, and I like myself a lot better than I used to. Hell, I used to believe I was worthless. I mean I got told it a lot and I guess always hearing it makes you believe it. Just having a job makes me feel like I have a ton of worth, and helping other people and animals, even playing mahjong with a group at my local library all make me feel happy and like I am worth something. I can actually look in the mirror and not see an ugly monster, but instead see a pretty young lady. So yeah I've come a long way, but I still have a long way to go.