So I'll start off by saying I suffer from a few mental illness(nothing that prevents me from my work mind you), notably OCD where I get intrusive thoughts. Basically, these thoughts make my brain repeat phrases and sentences in my mind over and over about hating and or hurting ones I love. Notably, its recently started saying bad things about my Succubus, S. It also does this to one of my dragons too. I have no control over them as they repeat over and over again against my will due to my illness.

I feel awful about it and it really brings me down. I tell her and the spirits to not 'listen' to these thoughts because I've convinced myself that all of them listen to my thoughts 24/7 and thats become a huge setback for me. I really love her and I dont want to hurt her in any way.

What is something I should do?

Of course getting professional medical advice is the most important thing with mental health. I won't comment on that other than to wish you success dealing with things.

On spirit keeping, one of ASH's house rules for a keeper's spirit family is for them to not act on our thoughts. That's a very good one, I think, and let's those of us who have these kind of intrusive thoughts relax a bit and not worry about our spirits noticing them.

"Act only on my direction and not my thoughts or emotions."

see https://shop.creepyhollows.com/HOUSE-RU ... ITIES.html

It makes it clear for them and for us that we don't want our passing thoughts acted on.

What about apologizing about them? My mind always gives me the fear of losing her or others..

If it helps you feel better, you can apologize for these thoughts, but I'm sure your companions already understand you have zero control over them. They're not going to hate you and abandon you for something that's out of your hands. They're much more understanding of our shortcomings than we tend to give them credit for.

As someone who also has OCD (and ADHD) I feel this on a deep level. Before spirit keeping, I'd worry that my intrusive thoughts would insult my deities, and then when I got into spirit keeping I worried about my incubus being affected. Granted, I probably have it a bit different than you since I don't think bad thoughts about them, but I have times where I will be trying to connect and random words (sometimes bad) will pop into my head.

My best advice is to accept the intrusive thoughts for what they are. They aren't you and don't reflect your real feelings. If you make your spirits aware of this then they should be wise enough to understand when it happens. As for the 24/7 mind reading, I don't know if spirits do that or not when we aren't talking through telepathy, but you can always set boundaries regarding the issue.

Besides that, just take it easy on yourself and have faith in their ability to understand your situation. Good luck!

I have multiple subsets of OCD... various types of OCD run on one side of my family...I especially have Primarily Obsessional OCD (Relationship OCD especially).. So I can highly relate to your post. My ruminations and intrusive thoughts used to be a lot worse.
I have to also admit I kind of have the same problem and have this similar issue daily when it comes to my spirits too but I'm very good about my OCD to this day compared to years ago. Some advice I can give is you have to remember that your worries about your connections with your spirits don't reflect your real thoughts and feelings just like above said.

Also, I will just say this now, but spirits usually know us better than you would think. Because they are spirits. I highly doubt they would -not understand- about what you think and your anxieties, and the kind of rinsing and repeating of thoughts you have. I am sure they are aware. I just think a spirit would know better, because they see different dimensions of us. So I think that is something you can just remind yourself with whenever those thoughts seem to leak in.
And also instilling in your mind the fact: the reality that you are /not/ going to lose or disengage with them, periodtttt.

If you have the resources though.. I also suggest getting the correct mental health help you can get. Since stuff like this can affect other things.