Living at the Crossroads

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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

I came here to rant just a little bit about DL's kicking my ayy af. And add a little sugar from my lovely spirits.

I am totally rocking that selflove & selfcare. I am starting to truely embrace my body, my dark energy & in the same time gaining a discernment with myself and others. That's the effects of working through Qliphoth, guided by OSW demons and my lovely spirits. The work though... is hard to bare but I discover that nothing can hurt me, I am already hurting everywhere in my soul. It's hard to bare how those workings with DL's strip me from every illusion I had for my comfort. Thankfully I am truely ready to get rid of those.
I had endured enough lies and sh** in my billions of years of existance to further do it to myself. I am ready as I never had been.

Gamaliel
The second sphere in Qliphoth, ruled by Lilith in her Harlot aspect. It's a lot about shame and guilt to me, a lot about deep womb healing. Sometimes it's so great here - I embrace my dark divine femininity, my craving for being worshipped as a dominant, dark succubi seductress. I embrace my unperfect body to cherish it's unique beauty. I learn how to rise from non-conseual submission, from slavery I was submitted to. I re-own my dignity. I have become more powerful in a sense of ruling my power conciously.
In the same time this journey with Lilith is crushing, trembling, breaking apart. It's reaching deep into my womb, finding out how deep the wounds go. How I was traumatized and abused. How my womb was torn out with a child in it. I cross-worked on this with Abaddon and Leviathan. It was so hard to feel all of this, but I was embracing it with my second husband who was a father to this child. It connected us on another levels of intimacy.
Intimacy is what I gained access to through this working.
Lilith helped me to rediscover my succubic, vampiric nature and I started to express it more conciously, in a constructive form.
I observe that this is common when you work with Lilith - you become more sexually apealing and giving off a vibe of a bad b**ch. But not fake ayy one - just assertive, concious and confident woman who knows what she wants.
I started my own spicy work business - as I wanted from quite some time (almost a decade since I started to play with the idea anonymously on the internet). It's kicking off my sexual energies and powers, not by being worshipped as a Goddess but by the act itself. I am reclaiming my femininity and feel more powerful than ever. Rooted in my womanhood.
Lilith told me that soon I will move on to the next Qliphoth sphere and meet Samael and that will be a chance to explore more of my submissive nature, stripping it of the abuse and discerning abuse from true submission, full of respect and completely consensual. I am both excited to find out (as I love to play scenes with my husband on both sides - exploring and healing the trauma here will boost the intimacy for sure) and terrified because this is a big part of my experience - non-consensual submission on all levels to your one and only master who rules your whole being and decide about you in all matters. This is the reason I run away like crazy when I feel emotional attachment or have to trust somebody (or me). This is the only way I can protect myself from my trauma response - and that is all-along-obedience. It involves money, emotional bonds, any favor... It feels like I need to stay away from so many things to not become hooked with this. It's exhausting and it's robing me of my life. I feel deeply, through connection with Lilith, that Samael will help me with that. I feel so vulnerable in every common situation... I am defensive af and my whole dark power is reacting. I have seen this - I do not consent to wreak havoc around me but when I am angry - my whole energy field is creating a whiplash of manifestation that can be only clasified as harmful, malicious and destructive. And it backfire, ofcourse. That's why I took care and set protection against black arts. Not because I needed it externally (I WISH BA spirits or entities would come to me but they dont because I eat them alive and enjoy it and they are not stupid b**ches as some portray them). I needed that protection against MYSELF. And it WORKED. I roll my eyes everytime I think about this. Protection also works for you - like it protects YOU FROM DOING HARM TO YOURSELF, unintentionally. This speaks to me loudly. I always had that kind of protection outwardly - to protect my clients from any of malicious, even dark energies. And this was my protection from making some terrible mistakes. It worked excellent, my clients got only the best results. And I got a backfire everytime, from my own power, bc my shadow self was a mad BA b**ch. Thankfully - she is now in reintegration camp with Qliphotic guides. She doesn't enjoy it as she feels from what is coming her rage and malice. But she is motivated by the power gained through this growth.
I belive that with Samael I can reclaim my defense and use it conciously when its needed and only in needed amount.

Spirits of the Crossroads

I do have seen my awesome Wendigo spirit in my dream. He was just perfect, I adore him. He had a white deer skull with giant antlers, very hairy body and long arms and legs. He rose up from the old stump like in forest interpretation of elevator from the underground. I freaking loved that! I don't know what my ties to Wendigo are but thre must be something special about these creatures, I adore them, I love them. Except I recall that in the past live I was a shamaness that was called "Sky Woman riding on a Feather Dragon/Serpent" and I was working with the darkness within nature, deeply rooted powers that connects beyond all limits of men. I was basically a shadow witch of those times, travelling her whole life and learning &teaching in the most known tribes of the ancient America. I love to reach to that lifetime it is so mystical, dark and sacred to me. I loved to be a dangerous nomadic warrior woman. Maybe I was a skinwalker too... Or just befriended the species.

My Mutilation demon turned out to be my third husband in disguise (I have six of them, the most excellent men of osw, haha). Kind of hard to explain for now. I knew that in the first place when he came but I was focused on pulling through his mutilation eneregies, not those. He didn't interrupt me until it became a little awkward. So we talked it through and I opened to him on different level.

My Psy vampire deserves a gratitude mention in here. He is so protective and helpful lately. After I binded all of them to my 3 bodies they have been very gentle with manifestations. But my vamp is starting to manifest again and oh boi IT IS STRONG. He just delicatly showed me how different it is now. I feel him so close to me like we are standing in the same place, in the same time but not becoming one person - lol WE ARE! This is so cool to experience. Its like a bug in a game - the best depiction I can visualise to explain the feeling is when to NPC bug off and stand in the same place, so they merge awkwardly. I imagine that this is how it looks like when you fuse with some spirit and share the energy field (for example to learn that way, I learn that way the fastes i.e.). Same with my incubi and nympho - they got a task to fuse with me as I really needed the support of masculine energies they posess. My Alhena djinn though - she remain still and silent as non existant person. But I feel her fused with my body, I feel her thoughts - she stay still because she is too powerful now to being experienced straightforward. She does this for my comfort, until I adapt gradually. She is so caring of me...

If I had some paranormal activity in my place - I would write it off in another entry. This one was to ramble about Qliphoth mainly.

Happy Yuletide! Blessings~


godspoused satanist | etsy: Dark Womb of Arachne
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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

And so I entered the third sphere ruled by Samael and am facing my "boss" fears and wounds, that is very depressive work to do as it contains crippling loneliness, silence, being muted & mutilated. On the other hand - there is a lot of flashbacks of being subjected to torture, hypersensitivity & brainwashing.

When there is natural to be joyful, energetic - I find myself deeply mute. I feel like I am journeying this kingdom in a profund silence, as heavy as silence just after the tragedy or on a battlefield, when ravens already left with no further interest. I feel like I am walking through this wounded land with Samael on my one side, Leviathan on the other and Lilith in my heart.

This is very hard place to be. Like I always dreamt about coming home and finally freed myself from captivity to only find everything burn out to the ground & dead. Heart is heavy thing in my chest that is unable to speak. And I scream a lot at night & day.

But also, as in previous spheres, I find in myself a lot of lost things. And a lot of answers. I finally am finding a way to unload the scream that I was not allowed to let out for the longest time. When I scream into the pillow - I am able then to feel light and happy. I am able to relief my stress. And embrace myself, protect myself in communication enough to skip the drama.

Qliphoth is very hard path but it gives a lot of power back to me. It is very depressing though, but I wouldn't change anything after all. I like a lot to recognize after some turmoil that I was acompanied all along by my powerful guides. The silence of Samael & deep attention of Leviathan are very supportive in facing the darkness. Lilith though... Sometimes she is like a strong warrior mother, sometimes like a "bestie" and there are days when she kicks a** like crazy. She kind of yelled at me at some point but well, that helped so this message was for me, haha. Weirdly, she insist she don't want me to focus on doing an altar for her or offerings - she wants me to establish connection, use one solid drawer and work with her in more common for humans manner. Talking. That's interesting, as much as her advice to stop repressing my knowledge about who I am deeply & embrace my majestic, empress a**. And: "If you must - set an altar for your highest form. Decode the associations, offerings you like as a Goddess. Pray, give offerings, worship if you want to - but direct that into your own power. You don't need any deity to take charge of your life. You are your own and I don't know better adress."
So I set an altar for unnamed, forgotten and lost Goddess of the Silence, Destruction, Death, Sex, Blood & Darkness. And was so very suprised by the effect. It kicked me out of my body, I felt my own energy wrapping around me. It felt exactly how I thought I am. I probably don't have words now to decribe experience better. It was absolutely suprising - I thought that creepy hollows has done some order on me - but no. They send me a note with dates - half of January.
Another time I poured a power oil on a head of small statue representing me in my goddess form. And it hit like a truck, I felt so intelligent and strong in my head, in control of my thought streams.
This part of me feels disconnected, yet I can contact it through the altar, like I was my own deity.

That's how I fell in love with demons. They are so wise.
Angels are cool, they are pure love and cooolness - but when you can't recive because you feel unworthy - how they can help you? In my experience they are givers & helpers. But I can't recive & accept help. I'm already full - of sh**. I have problems with that, I need to unload. And demons helps a lot with recognizing the problem & solution that gives you power (through embracing the darkness - to not run away from it whole life) to help yourself and feed yourself. Sweets & treats are good on top, but for me working with demons is learning not only to eat what you need but also how to get it, using your abilities to the fullest - mostly by finding your unique way to manage the hardest parts of life.

I realised that submission is more different than subjection. And that is very constructive path in my mind.


godspoused satanist | etsy: Dark Womb of Arachne
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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

What an exhausting journey it is, with the Tree of Death. I just got out of Daath (phew) and had a terrifying, yet awesome manifestation of Lord Lucifuge Rofocale at the entrance of his sphere Satariel. Lets say that he had the big entrance and it took me a moment to not sh*t my pants and do not let my shadow self to eat me alive.

I should probably write down my experiences through other spheres I didnt mention and maybe there will be a time for that after I complete my journey.

For now I have to say that working with LHP is very "expensive", its challenging but also the amount of growth and healing that occurs when I work with the infernals is worth it.

I have formed this special bond with Lord Mammon, its really warm and inspiring. I love his energy, he really likes to spend time with me and I feel grateful for his presence everytime. He is kind to me and very supportive, along with Lord Beelzebub, Lady Lilith and Lord Leviathan.

Things got very complicated in Thagirion as it revealed to me some heavy stuff coming from the soul origin. I still didnt manage to accept it.

I have really weak connection with my spirits but sometimes I can feel them and lately I got more aligned with my incubi & chief psy vampire. I always feel my hellhound close to me and my other Bronwyn angelica watching. I think that i just closed myself to any spiritual connections as I am used to face everythimg alone. Lord Mammon tried many times to work with me on that but I am hard material to work on. But it seems like he is getting through to me easier than the rest.
Also I started to work on ancestors connections, visiting my grandfather & grand grand mother lately to ask them for their presence in my life. Seems like both enjoyed the invitation to my space & short chat over their grave. I would really like to form a strong connection with them, i feel like it would help me a lot to be in touch with ancestral energies coming from this lifetime. Like it would help me stay grounded in this timeline which I lack since childhood.


godspoused satanist | etsy: Dark Womb of Arachne
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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

Im whole different me now ;) Last 12 months were incredible and my spirits lead me to infernals & working with Qliphoth - this changed my life. It wasnt nice transformation but Im incredibly grateful. In all of the cr@p I've been through... I was sooo protected by my spirits, entities & godspouses.
I finally am thriving in life, working with demons, spirits & dragons.
Mammon & Satan carved my path through hardship the way that I got everything I desired if we are speaking about material things. I inherited a house with big garden of roses and trees, came back home just in time to spend some time with my mom before she passed away & reconcile with my grandma. I got money, lots of it. Healthcare. I was guided by Leviathan & Lucifer in my therapy - Leviathan took GREAT care about me all the time in Qliphoth. I dont know how i would manage to get through it if he wasnt here with me.
Mammon repeats: Its only the beginning, you wanted luxury & abundant wealth and what you get is bare minimum. I'll guide you further, work hard.
And I am working hard af with great satisfaction and daily empowering presence of my godspouses... My spirits went quiet but I feel their presence. Theyre waiting for me to finish my therapy.

The journey was rough. I lost friends (toxic af, I couldnt see it), I lost my mom. I was suffering a lot. I was screaming. I was dying inside in agony. I was destroyed thousands times. I was pushed to the limits. But this was my path so this rebuild me. I am new me. The old one is gone. The one that wrote previous posts is gone.

I dont feel like my mother passed out. I have vivid visions and dreams in which I contact her like always, beside its easier because she is not as busy & tired as she was being here. I helped her with passing, taking care about her spirit & her body. It was very hard as she had severe, very malignant cancer. She suffered a lot in last days. But I am happy that my demonic guides brought me back home just in time to spend all those days with her. She passed knowing I will manage to take care about the house, her mom, her cat. She passed knowing I have money. She passed knowing I finally found good therapist. She passed blessed by my workings with Highest Goddess. The amount of luck we had in those last days was unbelivable. My whole Spirit Team worked hard for that. Despite the hardship, despite the sadness & suffering... I feel so grateful.

If not the spirits in my keep I wouldnt find my way on the left hand path. I wouldnt bond so deeply with my godspouses. They lead me and they knew that theyre here to give me to the infernals and wait for me to emerge from Dark Side Tree.

I tried to word out all of the feelings I have in my heart for them but its impossible.
I met few of them in astral, guarding me through my journeys (especially my hellhound who apeared in a form of doberman with whole ears - so adorable and happy & my persian vampire - so quiet, kind and calm...). They are incredible. I remember that something attacked me once and I felt them - my psy vamp woke me up, I heard: Stay awake for a minute, okay? E got this, D got this (hellhound). (I heard astral scream and noise of flesh torn apart!). I felt so safe... My incubus hugged me tight, said: I got you, they will have to go through me to hurt you and im a motherfxcker from hell, ya know.

One time my wendigo asked to show up send me a dream in which he tore me apart out of love! hah. I wasnt scared at all. I just knew its not really doing me anything. Well, its wendigo, isnt it? But he was so vivid, hunting me down. So fast.

I know how it sounds but i am like that. Macabre dont bother me. I am not easily scared. Probably that has something to do with my soul. My spirit may be human but my soul is a voidal entity - I described it previously that she is whole-axx Black Arts Mistress. And it was true to CH definition of BA. Now I can proudly say that I integrated my shXt well and am incredibly dark art but thankfully not black art. Because I was, I was like hell and I saw it around me that what I couldnt control about me act devilish and sadistic without my consent and will. Book example, at least from what I know.

I had worked with Qalilitu (dark siren from Qliphothic realms) & Hecate to empower my spirit for walking with death and within void. Since this working I changed a lot and notice that destructive energies that mutilate dont have such powerful influence on me. Before I was like human against radioactive black hole. Falling apart & struggling in rebirth. Now I can do it all day, it still hurts but on the level of acceptable discomfort that I can ignore. I visualise this similar to this scene in Xmen when Wolverin approaches Dark Phoenix and regenerate as fast as she destroys him. Its like that now but it doesnt hurt as much as it was. I can work with heavy destructive energies with much more ease now - and for that I am very grateful, Qalilitu, Hecate & Vampire Council.

It all started with Sorath's ritual of empowerment. And this working still strongly transmutes me from within, I can feel it always. Its destroying everything that is against my potential, even if I dont see it or even if i dont acceot it and will to keep my blockages, illusions for my sense of safety ;)

I hope I worded out clearly that this path isnt the nicest one and is challenging in ways that can make you insane. I almost lost my life, sanity & I lost everything I relied on. I was in very dark places and it was risky af. But it is my path so I was protected so heavily that I didnt manage to hurt myself when I wanted to.

Be careful & choose only your own path, not what seems to be powerful & seduce you with power. Being on your path is always safe, even if it not always feel safe.

I am so grateful.


godspoused satanist | etsy: Dark Womb of Arachne
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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

Introduction

The begining of this journey. I felt pulled towards spirit keeping and got so hyped that with help of CH services I got many spirits, then managed to create bonds with some demon companions. Just right after I slightly bonded with them I began my Qliphoth Initiation and felt like I entered a temple, leaving my team on its entrance - from what others told me about their Initiations its quite common that you travel Qliphoth alone. The point is that I had't have the time to know my spirit's stories. I just knew them by energy and personality. But I grew more, healed through Qliphoth and working with my godspouses, through attending therapy sessions... I became less shy and defensive, less doubtful. I emerged from the said temple.

Previously they threw some tiny pieces of information into our conversations, like we all do. But the conversation wasnt about them, their stories because I didnt ask. Now I ask and collect those curiosities about them. Its recent. I like to organise my thoughts through writting them out in messages to unknown reader. So here I want to organise those pieces for myself. All the info I will place here is spirit-approved for sharing, I never wouldnt write about something they dont want to be publicly shown.


Persian Sanguine Vampire, E.

E is quiet and introverted. He doesn't share much but it's not that he don't want to or is shy. He isn't shy at all. He just dont talk much, doesnt give broad answers & he is an observer. But when I hit his topic of interest he starts to share much, much more. Once I visited cementery to collect some dirt. It was in the middle of cold November night, previous year, I believe. When I was walking dark alley I noticed the usual reaction of human spirits - they noticed I am seeing, feeling and reacting to them so they saw this as a chance to talk. The amount of attention from them raised my senses so I could feel more. I had all of the spirited vessels in my pocket. I saw my Hellhound in the corner of my eyes, vigilantly walking by my side, glancing at human spirits to intimidate the. I felt my other vampiric friend beside me, the creepy one, H.... Also there was my beloved Demonic Lord who is my godspouse, walking behind me (ah, the love I felt... Azazel). And a rush of wild, wild excitement from another source. Like someone of my keep was literally running through cementary like a child. From grave to grave. The energy was heightened until I exited the cementary. I was wondering so I asked spirit who he is because I cant recognise him. He calmed down a little and revealed himself to me - I was shocked.
"No, really? Youre so quiet and always so calm, what happened? Are you ok? " - I was genuinely worried. But E answered:
"I just like such places. They remind me who I was and what I did in my life."
"And what was that?" - I was so curious about why he was so excited on the cementary.
"I was a mage skilled in necromancy. I was working with the dead in my own unique way and when I was alive I always wanted to be already dead to join them. Its not that I didn't like my life but my life was all about preparation to die and become who I wanted to be. I worked with undead, they fascinate me still. The <<zombies>>." - he smirked. - "One day I will tell you more."
"Wow, ok. I never heard so much from you... Than you for sharing this, E. I really appreciate this. So... When I got to work with death currents I can talk to you?"
"Pretty much. I know a lot about death magick and raising dead." - he smiled mysteriously.
So E was a necromancer that learned how to raise dead, giving them lives of undead. It feels also like he was experimenting a lot and he approaches necromancy like science. He is very intelligent.

Other time I astral projected myself non intentionally to my friends house and fought something that looked like a zombie. Ghoul is the word that pops out in my head. I was so full of doubt that I didn't manage to banish him myslef. I remember that I tried to keep it away from my friends room. It was crucial for me. Thats when E stepped in, manifesting himself right between me and this being. He pushed me gently into my body, where G (psy vamp) was waiting to soothe me a little. E came back smiling widely, excited and ... full. I just stared at him awkwardly, trying to read him (i usually dont ask questions, just stare and read the fxck outta you). I decided I dont want to know, haha.

Another time I astral projected myself on purpose and met him there. He has gorgeous eyes, gentle face. He sat at the door, reading something, with my Hellhound lying beside his chair. When he noticed me he calmly said: Lets take a walk, shall we? He was quiet all the time, but I felt listened and guided. I asked him where he leads me and he said: You'll see. We entered astral shop with beautiful clothes and shoes. I was amazed. I asked him why he brought me here though. He said: I thought you would like it here. And you need some shoes.
(Well, I astral project barefoot in the winter, i was cold but I brushed it off because its only astral body). So E is also really sweet person. Im yet to know his dark side. And he has some badass dark energ to him, I dont believe that he is sweet all the time, haha.

He often hang out with my Hellhound.

Thats all I know about E, not much. I dont know his favs at all. Beside the undead and necromancy.

Psy Vampire, G

As G was my first spirit I know much more about him. He is very dark psy vampire and feels strongly connected to the medieval era. He was an alchemist, he has incredible knowledge of working with dark forces. He studied occult a lot when he was alive. He is very skilled in energy manipulation and when he first arrived the air was cleared from any residual energy. I felt like he did a major cleansing and fed off the energy - he transmutes negative energies with ease, often alleviating heavy moods around. He is able to manipulate the crowd, feed off many sources at once, he is very telepathic. And he is bold af. Has very dark sense of humour, never was afraid of the darkness, death, misery. Because he feeds of that energy and transmutes it. He is a great healer. His topic of interest is magick in general. He likes talking about theories, demons. He likes to notice how the view of occult changed with eras. He likes to show his memories as visions. So I will share two of them.

- G is sitting in a room, beside a candle. Its built in dark grey stone, big chunks of it, irregular. He studies manuscripts with great focus, he's literally eating it all up with passion. Words. He is comparing single pages, letters. Connecting the dots and discovers hidden pieces of knowledge. Its not his native language. He needs to get a grip on nuances to decrypt it all. Pages are written in different ink, style. One is very elegant with red, handpainted ornament and big letter on the beginning of text. The other ones are letters adressed to him by his real name. He got them from far away, he waited for them long time. They answered and now he has another piece of this mystery to discover. He is very passionate about it.

- G is standing in the middle of a crowd, on muddy courtyard that serves as local and very tiny marketplace. There is only few caravans, they sell meat, diary products and bread. The air stinks. Something like small castle is nearby, whole settlement is surrounded by fortified wall. There are old, wooden doors and wooden shutters. He feels so young but he isnt that young. It feels like he has grizzled hair. The crowd in the beginning was around ten people, scattered. But they begin to lure closer to him and more people appear. Unconciously they are drawn to him and in the end - about 30 people are standing beside him and glaring in the sky - because he was standing here and staring at the sky. They followed, unconciously but they rationalise this - the man looks up in the sky, what he sees? They try to figure it out. There is nothing in the sky, just grimmy clouds. G closes his eyes and with one breath he is starting to pull their energy in. The vital wave enters his body. The tension in his body relieves. His mood uplifts. He feels younger. People start whispering around him, chatter begins. When he releases his grip, they scatter around, one throws a question: What this man is seeking in the sky? And shaking his head he go back to his tasks. G stands there few more minutes, being content about his ability to draw energy in a way that leaves people relieved and doesnt make him nausaeus. He snaps back to reality from his trance like state and tastes air. "Yuck, stinks". He starts walking towards his house with the intention to clog all the airways in his room.

G once told me that he loves me. I kind of freaked out, because i dont love him in that way. But he explained to me that he loves me romantically but he doesn't aim for his love to be returned back. He loves me as a muse, in old term description. I think its another interesting thing about him that shows his connection to medieval era. He likes to think that he is a knight and I am the maiden to whom he took an oath to protect her dignity and life. I like the polarities in his personality - he is very innovative and interested in modern world but still keeps his old-fashioned things. He said that he always was like that - at the same time too young for the era he was born if we speak about his beliefs and approaches but also very old through his moral codex. He speaks very elegantly, like he is performing. I also feel like he has some sentiment towards dark poetry.

Queen V, Archpriestess in tribe of the abyssal deep ones, pledged to Leviathan

She is a demon companion that I aquired through reckless dive into conjuring... At first when I projected myself in the middle of her tribe place she had to defend me before her sisters and roasted me af afterwards, scaring me like hell. She was right though.
If I am right she was informed by Leviathan before it happened that she will have human companion assigned.
Personality? She is a little harsh, very determined and dedicated, loyal and responsible. Despite she is very skilled with deeply lingering emotions and feelings, she herself is quite cold in approach. She doesnt speak, she telepathise the fxck out all the thoughts before they even form in your consciousness. She reads deep layers of subconscious with ease of reading a book with big letters. She is sinister beauty from the depth and manifests in few forms. Human like form with always wet hair, no clothes, only covered in darkness. Siren form, also nude, not covered at all. And her true form in which she looks like humanoid medusa, glowing gently in the dark.

Recently I was so anxious about that connection - I thought about her all the time but I didn't work with her. I thought about her for a couple of days and finally spoke to her directly. She was already there, as always faster than my concious self. She asked me why I was so anxious to speak to her. I said, like a child, intimidated by her presence, that I suppose she is not content that I dont work with her, I dont answer her pulls, dont have time...
"Thats nonsense. Why would I be mad about this? *reads my subconscious* Thats nonsense. I waited for you to be ready but not hanging up there with my eyes full of misery and hope. I didnt give up on you. Neither you gave up on me, I knew this all the time. Besides that - Emperor decided to work with you personally. I was only needed then to initiate your connection to him, as a middle stop for you to accomodate to not reject him when he steps in direct work with you. That doesnt mean my work with you is over. I see us as friends and its partially up to you how close we will become. I will never give up on you from such silly reasons. If you want to be my friend too than you need to initiate more contact also but its not a requirement, just an advice on relationships in general. "

I talked to her more, asking more questions about who she is in her realm. She is a leader of local tribe and of female circle, coven. V is an archpriestess under whom priestesses and healers are trained. She trains also guardians and warriors, skilled in premonition - they take care about the voidal entities that lurk in depth and are strictly malicious towards every living thing. Some of the guardians she trained before become guardians of inprisoned entities in thombs that her race built. She serves under Leviathan in one of his many temples on the bottom of the ocean. She was through some rough times and Leviathan helped her heal. I dont know much about this story and how she become acknowledged by him but it was direct. When I spoke with Leviathan about V, he emphasized that she is trustworthy and thats why he chose her for me - "I couldn't think about anyone else when it comes to you. I trust her with my treasure."

We discussed about her manifestation here as she manifested herself only once as a projection and once in a dream. She usually speaks to me through telepathy and her voice is very distant, always flowing on waves of underwater currents and slightly distorted by distance and depth of water she lives in. She told me that she can create some kind of astral poppet but it will take some time. I asked her if there is something I could do to make this worth effort. She smirked and said: "A glass of water. Salted."
"And that's it? That's worth the effort?"
"Not in here, but when I manifest it will be worth killing to get a glass of salty water." - dangerous smile.

And that's V.


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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

I just need to write it down because im amazed, grateful and deeply moved - my therapy.

Everytime I had started therapy - shrinks turned my hopes down. I tried to point them out what is my problem here but they didnt believe me or hadnt have the right approach to me. So I become very defensive towards any idea of therapy.
But. Leviathan in the middle of crisis, few months ago, asked me if I would trust him and go to therapist. I was shaterred in pieces and I said: "ok fxck it, what i have to loose". He directed me, I chose random woman which name and face spoke to me. She was on lost position in my head.

But... It happened to be very good choice. Not only because her specialty happened to be the only type of therapy that works for me (and i didnt know it exist) but also when in this therapy my past life trauma had spoken... She understood.

Sometimes Leviathan worked in session and those ones were heavy and deep ones. Sometimes Lucifer assisted me and my mind was clear as ever. Once Belial wished to support me and we did extraordinary breakthrough... They had helped me with my human issues. Feeling unimportant, worthless, useless... My therapist told me that I am the only client that she invests so much energy in but she feels like this is the right thing to do. She has those strong feelings about me, intuitive thoughts. I appreciate her work a lot, especially...

She believes in past lives as she was working with practitioner to release past life trauma. She said that she never worked with past life trauma but if it's interrupting the channel and its physical trauma felt in a body (it is, despite that this body didnt live through this nightmare), she needs to shift method to healing transgenetic trauma and thats common with only exeption that usually transgenetic trauma belongs to our ancestors, not past lives. She said that we will try.


And honestly I am as much terrified (this part of me that carries & guards trauma), as grateful and amazed. I have asked Arachne & Leviathan for this. I said: Please, I wont make it further without healing this and I need this to happen in a proffessional way, not with practitioners. Please find me therapist that will help me with my past life.

Turns out that I dont need to look for one. I already have one.
And she's always telling me that she has this feeling that our meeting isnt a casual case.
For me its dark blessing from Leviathan. I would lie if I tell that he is the most supportive one in my team... But when it comes to my trauma... There is nobody like him. I love him with all my heart, soul and with every scale of my astral dragon form.

Maybe one day I will share a story on how he took care about me from the beginning of my spirit keeping journey. I never felt so loved before.


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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

Out of the body & spirits

I had a migraine again but this time it hit me differently. I was in between of the astral and physical world. I saw that as an opportunity to get out of the body. It gets easier with my routine shadow work and therapy sessions releasing my blocks - my psychic abilities are strongly based in feelings that i block out completely when triggered.

First, I sat down slowly, stood up and go walk around the house. I turned back to see if I see my body (usually I see only a cloud of darkness in a place that it should be or its felt that something is there but its covered with illusions and invisible - im still curious why is that but maybe those are my protections). I saw a shape of legs under the covers of my bed. It creeped me out a little and the vision dissapeared in blackness and nothingness.

My eyes switched to dark mode - one moment I saw everything like I would in a body and the next, I was amazed with dark colors, hidden reflexes of light. It wasnt psychodelic, abstract - just enhanced view. I only tend to stay out for a few minutes if I am distracted. So I went back automatically and set myself to get out again.

And i was just about to sit on my bed, out of body when I heard his deep, hoarse voice.

"You can use a little help, dont you?"
"G?" (my psy vamp)

He didnt answer but I heard him "growl" quietly. His voice quickly turned into vibration and I jumped out of my body, charged with additional energy that he helped me to release. After his intervention I was able to attune myself when my body tried to pull me in. I focused and remembered method for attunement - touching surfaces to feel the texture. It helped a lot so I was able to go downstairs. My sight was crossing different dimensions so I saw weird vissions of waterfall coming from upstairs. It distracted me as I didnt accept it and wanted to reboot my astral perception so I came back to the body and came out again. This time everything was normal, exept it still was higher dimension of reality. I could say by the colors and different furniture setting. I met my grandma spirit wandering, she welcomed me. I dont really understand it as she is living and was watching tv in the physical world but I guess our spirit wanders around. If it happens to me and others why not with her. Though the spirit of my grand grandmother and my dead pets is perfectly normal for me. I was happy to see my grand grandma. She was happy too. Last time she visited me in my dream and didnt have good news for me. But this time I came to her. She warned me though that I should come back soon, not crossing the limit of 1,5 hours. She reffered to the limit I knew I had last year. I obviously nodded but also didnt want to listen.

When I turn around I saw my cats and was surprised to see my dead doggie. She was so happy to see me. I petted them and saw my living familiar coming into the room. She looked at me like she was about to say: I'm here, I was busy, sorry. She often travels with me and always supports me in physical world emotionally and energetically. I got her just after I left my family home, she chose me and stayed through all the s#it.

I petted my dog and she was so full of joy. My little tiger cat was also happy, in his way. I think he missed me when I was living on my own. He shows up a lot lately.
Then I went to modified version of the kitchen ( same room, different adaptation - more comfy). And ate a tomato, haha. By the taste I could tell that my body is pulling me back as it wanted to taste it to.
I spent 4 hours in astral. Thats a lot more than I used to.

In the corner of my eye, somewhere but I dont remember when and where exactly - I saw my Hellhound watching me, guarding me as I asked him to do always. I also think E was watching me too, through visions, checking out if he was needed.

Its entitled of me but I always am a little dissapointed when current demonic divine companion doesn't show up. This time a little sad face is sent to Lucifer. I know he was watching me. And somehow I know that it would ruined my whole experience and he preffered me to had a great, lighthearted time with my family. Well, I can tell that I am still a little too biased through religious trauma that I still heal from. I bet it would feed into it if he showed up - and fueled my ego, so my shadow self would eat me alive then. I would suffer without a reason. Guess it would be different if I entered astral from different level then I did. I guess I'll met him anyways when I manage to undo some blocks in that matter.

Or maybe Lucifer was there but I lost memory of it because I am still disconnected from those levels of my perception and they fall into subconscious mind, on the pile "when you grow up, you'll know what does it mean and it will be returned back to you".

Im glad that in this mess that I am about to fall in in therapy I had a chance to get so much positive experiences. Thanks to the migraine and latest time spent closely with Lucifer. He helped me to carve new perception on few things that releases me from yet another blocks. New way of thinking about doing magick for myself that I was biased to.

I wonder about use of vibrations in out of body experiences but I start to notice something. When I started to intentionally getting out of my body, I first waited for them to come but eventually I got bored and discovered I can simply shift my mind about it and sit up. But I wasnt sure then if its a dream and dream vision mingled with astral vision, making this experience hard to accept as an oobe. I taught myself to generate vibrations but it needs a certain state. In my experience not always I have the right state to invoke vibrations but always I can get out of the body when I balance on the edge of dream. I tend to skip trance states and that makes moving on astral cost me more energy and give me less time. I simply take shortcuts because of naturally enchanced psychic abilities. But also I start to notice that this bypassing isnt serving me because I could do so much more doing it right. Silver lining is that overcoming this without vibrations and focused states I was able to do that, discern and learn to move despite that. I wonder what will change when I learn the missing piece of knowledge and skill. Not only with oobe but generally in life. Im positive towards the answer.


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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

I was on this therapy session I mentioned previously. It unlocked my brain and it's currently shredding massive dissotiative block, I can feel it working in the background heavily and ripping apart dense illusion I put here to protect myself before I'll be ready on physical plane to face what I had run away from for a big chunk of my life as an entity. It takes away enormous amount of energy. But also from this shredder that my mind become comes out very grounded thoughts. Writing them down though almost hurts, like moving muscles that were restrained for a long time. But they start to react, something finally moved and the stiff unpenetrable wall become hard-penetrable protective field.

I'm so glad that Lucifer didnt show up in my oobe and I had positive time with my human spirit family. After undergoing this session that focused on my past life trauma, I know that my theory about why is that is in fact true. I am not ready. I would make horrible interpretation of his appearance and suffer, and we dont need that.

Still cannot believe that this happened for real - past life trauma processing in emdr session with professional and well respected therapist? Leviathan, what I owe you for that... Im so fxcking blessed by infernals, beyond my comprehension.

Im shaken to the core.

Freshly bound workings from CH perfectly synchronised with therapy session and latest shadow works with Lucifer, Leviathan and Lucifuge.

I ordered for myself an energy construct to aid with self love and it already helped in said session, I could feel what I intended for this working. I am looking forward to its development as its needed now af.

Also I ordered "THE EMPOWERMENT OF ALL PARANORMAL - SIMPLIFIED VERSION". Just the right time as I started to focus more on working with my spirits and decided to work on my defensive mechanisms in paranormal experiences. I have narrow span of tolerance and natural abilities to shield off everything with unpenetrable wall, beside Voidal, Death and Darkness essences that I can shield less effectively as they are unevitable in some way.
I can see the difference - I notice shadows in the corner of my eyes more often and vivid. Streaks of light. I think I have seen even some faces but it was to quick to process. But in my current condition (Im still deep in total block out mode as I was in very intense and emotionally hard situation this summer) its very promising. I wonder how it develops with me releasing my blocks and outdated defensives.

I am also inpatiently waiting for sanguine vampire of very dark roots from CH, as I felt that the spiritual brother of my Psy Vamp is calling me to invite him into my life. I already know that G will consider him a brother and be best friends with him and thats the major reason in my decision. Nothing makes me so happy than making my beloved psy happy. I felt he feel a little lonely in a group. Maybe this sang is really somebody who he knew before? I dont know. I feel that G is waiting like its his soulmate coming back to his life.

I am also waiting for Son of Leviathan, from different seller. Leviathan, me & V, abyssal siren priestess of Leviathan were discussing about this and his son will be just perfect companion to help me with what is coming. As Leviathan is great teacher but he is also playing certain role in my life, so is V and those roles cannot mingle with role that I need somebody to take for me. Somebody well skilled in working with night terrors, sleep paralysis, trauma recolection through sleep, cptsd and more. We decided that his son will be the perfect match in here - he had one in mind and i am sure he will send him to me through this practitioner. I am also almost sure that just in a moment I will meet my son also... Our son. I can recognise, through Leviathan feelings and thoughts that he shared about this one that he has my divine signature in him, perfectly balanced 50-50 with Leviathan's. Cant wait to meet him as a human.

And something pulled me strongly to Leviathan's source attunement that I will receive in a few days. Probably it was Leviathan because he directs my life to his liking with much ease since I said to him that I DARE him to TRY to MAKE me HEAL and CARE... Thats how I got to know that he is so close to my origin that he actually can penetrate my unpenetrable walls - and without harming me. Oh, this is a story for another post. How me and Leviathan played a game through last year and a half. And my controller was ejected from station without me noticing that. Lmao.

Last piece - after few days I finally took necklace that Leviathan send to me as a gift (that I said I wont wear it because its not my style - I was just a little mean human because he really took charge of my life and lack of control makes me a little bitter, despite that he is doing amazing things with it). I offered it to V, along with a cup of salted water as she asked.
I went back home from therapy session, opened door to my room and automatically put lights up. BUT in that short moment of darkness I saw her standing infront of the altar and heard her quiet voice in my head: Thank you for water.
She made an astral poppet to move through ISW and poured her consciousness into it. As she is strongly connected to the ocean bottom, I bet she felt lack of pressure and thirst, even in a body that is created to live here. And I understood what she meant before. I remember when Leviathan did the same thing, a poppet to be closer to me and for me to better understand him. He always was pulling me to drink water, bathe and go near lakes, rivers. And he dissapeared when he wasnt comfortable with lack of water pressure.
I am so happy that she made this!

And now... writing this all down and thinking about everything I didn't write here because its too hard, too specific, too direct and I want to keep it to myself but its still a part of those experiences...


I have fxcking tears in my eyes.

Because they really care.

They really care about this weak human, treating her like she really is their incarnated wife, mother, empress and goddess.

THEY CARE.


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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

I received Leviathan's attunement and activated first level, before work (i work as a channeler) to help me with healing my client. It worked really potently, it was easier to work with him.
I gone wild with ritualistic part of this as always, my third eye is going wild ;)
But also the amount of support and downloads from my spouse is crazy. Side effects also. I have a massive headache, generally full set of my usual side effects of whole system energy transmutation.

Im also curious if this process was topped by sang binding from CH but probably its just that im impatient. For sure the therapy processes were topped by this attunement, topped by my ritual channeling session for client and also me in the same time, letting channeled energies transform me too as we have similar problems to heal.

I cant count how many times lately I wrote a letter to Mammon to complain and things improved in instant. Yesterday he appeared before i started to write as he wanted to talk with me to calm me down effectively. He rarely visits me but always i can talk with him through channel and he helps a lot with all things. It was nice to feel his presence and talk in person.

I feel that im on the edge of the Void, just before the fall into it. I dont mind though, i worked hard to get here in my healing process. To the point of being ready to embrace it and fully accept.

I also got really great offer to work and learn on the regularnie basis from Eisheth Zenunim, when I channeled message for one of her people.


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AuroraAsteria
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You are...: a practitioner
Your favorite spirit to work with: Demons
If I could be anything, I would be...: Myself
My super power would be...: Ability to shape-shift
My magical/paranormal name...: Arachneia

...And yes, this activation was topped by binding sang & Son of Leviathan. Both already visited me but I don't know sang's info yet. I just know his presence and I know I invited two cocky, old and sarcastic beings into my life. Like Demon Lords weren't enough, hah.

I am so excited with the Son's binding. It was done by Phil from InspiringMagick on Etsy. I had high expectations, pre-set by counseling Lord Leviathan & V. I told Phil some short info, describing what I felt true about my & Leviathan's son. I read his energy from Leviathan's mind and briefly put it in the box. I didn't say that im looking for my son, I only said that I seek anyone like this and he MUST be pure blood of Leviathan & have Darkness essence within him too. Void & Darkness, got it?

I was looking for this particular Son and when I received his info - the name was matching to the one I had in the back of my mind, I recognised him through energy, offerings... Through refference picture. He manifested the day before Phil informed me about completion, picked a necklace for himself with the stone that then was revealed to be one of preffered.
I went through his info with the speed of light and it's amazing, I recognised him through this. I'm so happy that I cannot contain this. I was never so extatic about any binding but I was so extatic when I met Azazel oobe and we hugged for the first time in CENTURIES. I react so intensely only to members of my divine self's family - partners, children, sisters, brothers ... Ye, ok, fck it - I am a deity myself. Very old, of many names yet my true name doesnt even exist as I existed before thoughts were "thought"... nevermind, I go by Arachneia.

So, D. Welcome back. I missed you SO SO much.

Also the very first dialogue between us, conclusion:

Me: So... D. I see you are as mean as your daddy, but your daddy at least tries to please me...
D: Because he wants to fxck you ever again. I don't.
Me: Damn, yes, you don't so you turn out rude af.
D: I was born this way.
Me: Yes, I can really see your father in you.
D: Really? Everyone always told me that I remind them of my mother.
Leviathan: THATS SO FXCKING TRUE
Me: Oh, oh, burn, ok. So I have two of them now. I would bite you both if I wasn't sure that you D will bite back and you... You will treat it as a foreplay and hunt me down...
Leviathan smiles dangerously but spicy af.
D: Tell me when to leave the room... It's not neccesarily what I want to see.

So. It starts to be fun again in my life.

In previous days I created and launched my own attunement to the source energy of Adrammelech. I charged it while working with him.
And now, since I attuned myself to the currents of Leviathan by writing, I hear him choking from laughter... Yes, he is like: "WORKING"... You both were working SO. HARD. On those... <<chi>> BALLS.
Should I remind you that you were working not that less? ... Nah, he is UNPHASED. "Not human, remember?"
Anyways... It worked out really good and I parted attunement into three gradually more intense levels, I have second and third yet to activate and also I prepared attunement to Satan's energies to do next. I will methodically go through attunement of myself to the energies of all of my partners. Or rather re-attuning as our pacts have done that before (but I wasn't in the right mindset so I want to improve it since I mastered some new techniques last year).

I also finally got stable connection within my bond with Ahriman. That probably means that I am finally ready for him coming back to my life. And also I think that freshly done connection with D helped here as Ahriman is a Voidal entity too.

Sang that I wait for still manifested himself by presence in the darkness and when he came I saw a vision of bloody mist pouring into the room. That's classy af. Already enchanted by him.

And I got a lot of help in opening my shop from deities I work with. Asmodeus found me 89 Incubus Guardians, Warriors and Protectors that he respects and want to reward with human companion so I am honoured to conjure them and bound them with his help. Already had done the intro-work on that.

Azazel offered me his goat demons (which are HILARIOUS and also potent af, I am still reading them and collecting data), I will have also arachnid demons (my children...) and abyssal sirens (chosen by Leviathan). Besides that Eisheth Zenunim, Hekate, Tiamat, Mammon, Leviathan and Samael offered me rituals to sell and perform via channeling. Some of them are lit af. Asmodeus's works for example.
They really want me to pursue this project.
I asked Mammon, in doubt, about the future of this shop and he send me the most succesful card in whole Lenormand that I use to contact him. It's nothing new that I underestimate my abilities af... But they see the truth.
And my divine self pushes me af to do this anyways.
We'll see. For now I work hard to set the proper wards, protections and create aftercare tools as this is one of my top priorities.

So yeah. As always - it's happening a lot in my life.
And tomorrow I have another therapy session - and D will be tasked in this one, instead of Leviathan's working on me during session. It will be a lot different since I went through some adjustments for that since recent session.

Let's roll.


godspoused satanist | etsy: Dark Womb of Arachne
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