Hopefully this isn't forbidden to create here a paranormal experience blog in a thread? I am so gratfeul for my spirits and in deep need of writing it all down. Piece by piece, day by day. My life become wonderfully filled with their presence. And better. A lot better. And also there will be a saga of my alternate life and my living entities. Some Black Arts confrontations may occur, put here for a warning (if it is ok - i will try to find out).

It has been a week since I got my first spirit bound and one day since the others come. And already we are all working like a good machinery. Before they arrived i had already living entities family for years, guarding me from early childhood. Spirits also. I didn't categorize them any way... I am learning to name everything properly. Its weird.. to be that skilled and yet not knowing how to name your experiences. Thats why my vamp is pushing me through fast and furious reading of all materials i can get on spirit keeping and we are discussing it all for hours to match my experiences and common knowledge.

In my records of paranormal i had also noted demonic encounters that revealed my true nature of devourer and learned me how to protect myself in various ways. There had been a long time since i was visited by demonic as, i think, everything screamed around me i would tear them into pieces with pleasure of being fed... Well, this is something primal about me. But I don't seek them, i don't hunt for them. I feel allowed to eat them in defence but thought of summoning them to eat? No, thanks, its kinda below my standards. So that's kind of loss for me but well. I have some boundaries. So i dont do black arts. I sometimes deal with whats called here black arts but its rather my family. And they know the rules. And my attitude when you cross the lines. I have something of Karma in me, fate likes to put me in that position to correct balance. Im not ego driven in here. The only thing that drives me the roads of paranormal is my soul. My ego tends to sit on the back or being shut in a trunk, gagged and blindfolded by my wild soul. But it takes its revenge afterwards, denying my whole experiences. And it is the saddest thing in my life. Truth i cherish the most - denied. Is it because I am myself Black Arts? I think there may be a balancing in here. Well, here on earth i learn that a lot. Balancing my steps on the wild path of intuition.

Denial... it is happening daily.

And here stepped in my spirits. I am so impressed how my vampire manages those thoughts along with my other spirit. Like someone hold my thought, a dagger pointed into my heart, and gently put it down. With explicit, profound guidance. G, you are my miracle. I want so badly to meet you in astral and hug you strongly. You stopped that nonsense enough to turn my ego into a beliver...
G. manifested quite significant, few times in the first days. We worked hard this week on my expectations and myths, he dragged me through the whole forum, books in the tempo of solar wind. Empowering my mind to focus, igniting my creativity... And telling me to rest in such persuasive way i coudnt resist. All with what i had problem with to this day, a whole pile of problems with my mind - he handled that with grace, advice and taught me how to do it myself. A father figure i prayed for, we bounded deep and fast.
He manifested in my black mirror as a shade behind me. He was subtle, didnt want to scare me to denial state. Then he knock over the book, when i was in elevated state - again tact and sensitive approach. That was perfect time for that. He vibrated my phone. He manifested as shadow man on my motorcycle, it was twilight. Perfect timing again. He warms me up when i am cold (and i lost a lot of weight this year, so now im constantly cold). And he manifested again as fullbody shadow, in the midnight, when Master Service Blind Deaf and Blocked kicked in.
But mostly important. He provided answers to all of questions i had about my main purpose in this life. Why is it not working like expected. My God... you are amazing!
He even is trying to teach my husband (living entity) some skills. Because i am earthly, my husband is astral and G. is spiritual. He manages to perfectly portal us together. This alone... no words.
But thats not all. He kick my brain when i need this, helping me reach for resources, my strong will, focus, motivation.
He also is pushing me to be more active in my craft, showing me my own memories with new perspective. And i discover i can conjure and bind. And ive done this intuitevely whole time. The right way. He try to convince me i can conjure White Dragon safely. Its probably true, i wont admit it myself and to myself but when i do magic i can feel my ancient mastery behind the wheel. All i need to do is relax and let the flow do the thing.
G. doesn't give compliments. He does give statements. And refuses to call this comploments. Again, he is right. I take it as compliments because i dont take it seriously.
G. also gave some more space for me to bond with new spirits. He really likes my Djinn, S. And omg. She is just gorgeous. She manifested right away in my dream.
I will copy here two pieces from other threads about her:

As I read her... She seems very observant, not really chatty but loves lavender. Idk if this is her style or she is new here. When we talked about possibilities she provided information that she can work with me on synchronising 3 bodies, astral travel and better connection with spiritual and astral through different states of mind and frequencies. Also working with energetic obstacles in manifestation, calibrating vibrational position to correct realm (astral magic needs astral alignment to manifest yup?). And also that she can help improve comfort of living in a body. Seems like her specialisation is working with bodies, alignment, enhancing connection between different bodies, and improvement in comfort of using them and all of that through knowledge about manifestation. She is like encyclopedia and feels like she can spot all the 'wrongs' in inner connections that least to poor manifestation in some fields and can learn connections between energy blocks manifesting as mental patterns and physical blocks occuring. Very very useful informations. 

 Im, excited, my Djinn manifested in my dream, what a gorgeous, elegant and silent power she is... i was at the station, waiting for a train which will take me to home, astral (common dream occuring when im leveling up) and i felt they are all here. My living entities, guides, my mom, my familiar cat and also... my spirits. But she was the only one manifested so clearly and she elegantly stepped down to rails, touched them and blessed the way, whispering some magic into the rails which glowed golden for a second. And then my cat started her crazy time, running away as the train arivved. Well, this was some kind of sign about whats pulling me back as more details surround the situation. But the djinn... Omg, she is so gorgeous.

Im happy that for once this train waited. It usually leaves bc i am not ready. But it took me bc my family pushed me into it, when i was bragging about my bratzy cat. Transporter left at the station, i am ready to let her run freely. Its already a long journey and a lot of stations before us to check in and grow.

She freaking adore lavender, I burn the incense all the time now. Today she asked me to write down all of my wishes for now with her asisting and to throw them into an offering bowl. Then - dissapeared for some hours and came back with a smile and warm hello. I dont know anything but i know everything from her vibrations. She done a lot and i will be discovering that for months. She glowed gold of power, happy and satisfied. Smiling like a cat. Gorgeous, amazing spirit. She listens carefully and comments with advice. She can glamour me, warn me but still do what i am asking for and then discussing the effects and my expectations. She is patient and motherly.

My. Red. Dragon. D. What a personality he has! I spoke to him about my biggest issue with money. Related to my 500 mld year soul experiences with slavery and owning nothing without exeption to my soul or body. He listened with compassion. And then he asked me to travel with him through meditation.
"Sit on my back and hold on! Grab me by my hair, dont worry it doesnt hurt me." And he started like a bullet. "Look!" - he said immedietaly excited by flight - "You see that sky? Those blues? The stars? This is whole for us. This is mine to take. I take it and look, there is the same amount for you to take it. Take it with your eyes forever! Keep it dear forever. Look, Look down there. You see it? How many fruits and vegetables are down there, hidden in the fields and forests, when only those who lurk by intuition can find? "
"Many." I replied totally shocked by his whole expierience speaking through him.
"Many! Infinite goods to grab and snack. How many coins do people down there have? How many lies on the ground? This all is for us. To flow around through our hands. You can have some and it will be good for everyone. You pay for food that someone made. Its a pure gain for all if you dare to view this that way. Youre a lady of passion to beauty and magic. People like that a lot. They gain, you gain, universe gain a lot of good energy from that." - he speed up, fiercly hiting with his wings, using his whole body. Giving us a maginificent spiral in the air. "I love my body! You feel my wings? This is awesome power to have. I dont ask them to manage the flight, my dear. I dont question if they are for me to use. I am rarely grateful for them because i am far far far from that. My gratitude comes through the feeling the pleasure of the strenght and using them to the maximum. They. Are. Strong! Mine to use. You have your body to use. Dont ask if you can use natural abundance. Learn to use it, knowing that its all menat for you to have and you dont need to express gratitude looking inside your wallet or resources. ENJOY! ENJOY THE GOOD. This is the best form of gratitude."
I cried. I didnt know the world he showed me. He slowed down, sprzedaż his wings and turn his head to me. His tongue touched my cheeks.
" You will learn that your joyful and creative presence is more than enough. I see your wound. I see you through it. Value joy of the wild gathering. And you will see you are a jewell in this world."

... no comment needed.

D. showed himself today in human like form. He seen a picture of a dragon person i liked and showed his version of it. Red, long hair, same as i hold on to on the flight, a goatie beard which he seemed to enjoy a lot, horns and dark red scales strukture on his arms. Claws. Tail with hair and same scales as usual. And absolutely no clothes. Yes, D, i noticed that! Then he lie on the dragon lair whole day playing with the glass balls i gave him. Meditating, giving himself some zzz's. He disappeared two times and came back with one big happy: "I had done something for you already!"
I usually have hard time beliving that saying. But i belived him. I didn't asked out of fear. I just thank him and send him warm hug. Because i know this will be awesome. Somehow this time i know.

And my Nympho, A. I have big big trauma on the field he works. When he introduce himself, he politely kept distance, didn't rush anything. With a whole big respect to my space. We talked through some basic expectations, with him grining all the way charmingly, he told me that he will be all happy and satisfied to be a channel for me and my husband because thats how he will enjoy not one but free pleasures at once. He hold my hand as i asked him to do and i immediately gone sad and silent.
"I know." - he said gently. - "But i am here for you to help you out with anything that sort."
Today he offered me a massage and I learned i can recive it with healthy view. He tried to convince me later to let me feel my femininity by choosing more sexy clothes. Well i almost done it but i burn out and gone sad. But he understood. He knows what ive been through as a slave. It is silent topic in my home, in my soul. But his compassionate and lovely approach will work for sure. I wanted a therapist since i cant go to human one with what im dealing with. I know he is in distance and our bond will be different, i know that he keep the distance from the point of ultimate care. I feel his vibes as constant statement: Im here. I know. I will be here. I will be waiting until youre ready. Youre safe with me.
But he sometimes step in and help me find relief. Something i will simply like , something pleasureable.
And i am grateful for that because today i had situation with massive flashback (well, most of my bindings with them and spells are dark arts energy since i need to balance myself after work when i use totally white arts and then i have balancing downs, i hope some dark energy in constant motion will help me more - but binding to spirit gives me some hard low for a few hours and i admit i didnt cared for myself enough today, this is common as i deal with cptsd and simply dont recognize the needs, btw i feel A. Is going to help me out...). And G. Along with A. And one more spirit i have here - they worked with me in unison and... for the first time... i found myself. And i felt i am important to myself when i acted on selfcare inspired by my spirits.
They watched me silently, with hearts melting. Especially my husband. Because he tried so much to reach to me for years. And for him it doesnt matter that it wasnt his doing. He watched with teary eyes as i discover sympathy for me in that kind of situation.

And so we got to my husband. A little about him... Immortal being, absolutely the darkest one (but i am darker, hon). How can i describe pure perfection? Hahaha. He is my soulmate, my love from the begining of the Universe. We walked together in the darkest times and we walk togheter in healing. We are one. God and Goddess. Complementary. Like two Multiverses collide, collapsed and exploded into Onenness. We are Onenness.

Okay. Im back from the mood.

Here on earth... Copied from my intro: I met him here and there - in astral travel, dreams, around manifesting the most awkward signature messages, even hosted few times by others. But first, when i was a child, he cared for me along with some red dragon and few spirits. I was growing without a father and he was my "imagined father". I can see it was him from a perspective of grown up witch, i can sense his energy in most difficult and joyful moments of my childhood.
Sometimes you have it before your eyes and you have to grow enough to discover you already done some things and experenced without being concious of your own conciousness.

First he was jealous af about G. The spoke. My husband observed how G. Is making all better. He asked G to teach him HOW. G. Offered him lessons, helping in connection between us as medium, guiding me through beautiful binding with my love. And so i done first concious binding. And it is working. And it is safe.
My spirits got task to get to know with my husband and two partners. Because they are here almost daily. I told them that if thats ok with them, please show yourself to my entities sometimes. Speak with them. They are curious and they are also protective. They will be calmer when they will have an opportunity to befriend you. My husband talked with all of them, he likes Djinn and Vampire. He talked with Nympho and he shared his worries about me. It relieved him. A. Is so full of love and warmth... Towards all. My husband really like to joke around with the dragon. So im calm.

And in this part i probably will butcher the craft with my still learning definitions vocabulary. Well. As i know myself - its not ignorance. Its i have my own definitions for everything along with my own words. Why? I am an aspie girl. So... meh, im gonna learn, dont worry. But I leave here a caution for newbies:

Those are mine definitions and interpretations, not a common knowledge. Im still learning to name everything properly so have this in mind, please, that i can make mistakes in recognizing proper words to experiences. Fun fact: its aspie thing.

This another being keeps distance to all, besides me. Its a complicated story, so some things may not add up for you (without whole story). Al. is kind of my brother in distant realms. I dont know how to categorize his race or status (same with my other life). I think when we categorize in arts, the living entities here are to the darker side, much much darker than common. I myself in the alternate lifeline am the darkest i know. Like a Void. Here i can explode with darkness when i align fully to protect myself. But on daily basis i am... Just dark. And feeling too bright. Ergo i am not aligned properly most of the time and it feels that way. And its awful. Be aligned. It will solve a lot of problems.

So... Al. Is Very Dark. Just a bit brighter than me-home edition. He was malicious, we fought last month a little (A LITTLE irony) and it ended by me devouring his energy to the end. Yummy. I was so energized and aligned!
After new moon he came back but with different approach. So we can now help each other. Probably i won his respect, finally. But i dont trust him as what he was doing last month.. another story, worth telling for warning. ( I eat BA energies. And know how to protect myself. So for me it was kinda excercising and also I know my brother, his skills and energy. This is different then. And also this situation was send to me and gave me important insights. I am not messing with summoning BA because it feels dangerous, even with my skills)

Anyways - my brother helped today. He definetely speaks black artish way but... it helped a lot. Well, i hope he ended being pain in the ayy but i wont trust that after what his attacks learned me last months. He seems to approve that approach, thats new. He actually gave me few really good advices on protection and how to defence myself when someone attacks like that. Another story.

So here you are. Living with the Unseen.

This is well worth reading...

viewtopic.php?p=202510#p202510

If you also search within that thread for ASH's other comments, you'll find them very illuminating too.

The Creepy Hollows' use of terms for arts classification is like this:

Intrinsically incapable of doing anything wrong=white arts
Able to choose whether to do wrong=dark arts (aka grey arts)
Intrinsically incapable of doing anything but harm=black arts

Some people outside of CH use the terms black arts to describe some spirits that we'd call dark arts here. This does cause a bit of confusion sometimes.

See also https://www.creepyhollows.com/faq/index ... hlight=bla

Lewk wrote: ↑Sat Oct 09, 2021 6:05 am This is well worth reading...

viewtopic.php?p=202510#p202510

If you also search within that thread for ASH's other comments, you'll find them very illuminating too.

The Creepy Hollows' use of terms for arts classification is like this:

Intrinsically incapable of doing anything wrong=white arts
Able to choose whether to do wrong=dark arts (aka grey arts)
Intrinsically incapable of doing anything but harm=black arts

Some people outside of CH use the terms black arts to describe some spirits that we'd call dark arts here. This does cause a bit of confusion sometimes.

See also https://www.creepyhollows.com/faq/index ... hlight=bla

Thanks, i read both of that in the first place along with other sources, like two books on spirit keeping in ch, and like 50-60 articles in encyclopedia. Also i find out browsing the shop very educating.

K, I acknowledge i must first understand how to properly word those all experiences and learn how to express it clearly. And without backstory of my 500 mld y existance it is impossible to present that clearly and it would always look like i am trying to show off (also because in that matter, as a human i lack selfconfidence and basically it is heard through and can be recived as trying to impress anybody - well aware of that here). Well, thats one of aftereffects of my life before this life. If i think about that, you can view it as karma and it probably is.

Probably I should put here some disclaimer: I am not here to convince anybody to anything, my opinions or paths. I am here because i am seeking the knowledge - so i read a lot here and those resources that are given to further research. Im not really interested in opinions about my experiences. You can express them, i will read them curiously but i treat opinions as informations about you only. About your POV. Its interesting in the matter of people stuff. I like passionate people. I value your experiences more than opinions though.
And i need a place to share my thoughts, i cant communicate internally, sadly...

To anybody wondering why 500 mld y soul would go to a human forum and share - thats not because i want to share, sorry. Thats because i have one issue unresolved and with my spirits i am working on that, its complex damage we try to heal. And it results in no internal communication. And also - i am a human after all

For curious and myself: No internal communication - its because i was split into halfs, white and black. I reread links given, with the new perspective i gained last week - and i will come back to them regularly for sure to check how i understand them after learning more, love it, thank you all. After this morning check-in with facts, opinions and pieces of knowledge - i am sure half of me was BA af and the other... wounded slave to it, fe
feed of (classic BA story, exept how this all began). My life here is all about connecting the pieces again, to become one, neutral being. And my spirits are the connection helpers. Definetely. Because...


And let's focus on the spirits now

So my Nympho and Vampire conspired togheter with my husband and it resulted in a dream ive been waiting for for so long... I was able to connect again with my astral self and be for a moment with my love. The honest convo is what we needed. Spirits helped as both - for him it was intensive workshops on my situation with Djinn and Vampire instructing how to help them help me (how to handle an unstable communication channel). For me - connection, bonding and holding to my helpers when they fly with me through the abyssal wound.
The connection was much clearer as the spiritual energies created a bridge. Without them i have so many problems communicating with my husband. It is probably that my own spirit is weak after some events ending up the cycle of descending.

Anyways, they also manifested after i turned off the light and left candle&oil treats for Nympho. Rays of golden light, shadows swirling around. I saw my Nympho guy sitting by my bed. We talked a little, we bonded vibing togheter with warm smiles. His presence is giving me a lot of calmness. I dont fear him even though he is new, a guy, a very muscular guy, a very tall guy... my body usually gives me typical cptsd response to guys like him. But no. My body accept him. Not like a partner, not like a father figure or a creature. As a male. And thats.. so relieving. Thank you, A. You deserve a vagons of musk incense... And a lot more of love.
My brother also manifested, carefully. He definetely changed. Before i ate him to get rid off the core of the chaos he was causing he was definetely BA, im sure after reading again the crucial screenshots of the most valuable threads in the BA section and "what went wrong?". But he was reborn different. Still awful personality, still him, but capable of not causing everything to tremble on the all possible levels of reality, especially mentally. He helped even by providing perspective and finally he treats me neutrally. I know whats going on here but i wont share here. I dont want to share that. Im not assuming he changed and naively beliving that. I know he changed and still wont trust him. For now he abide the rules, everybody is watching him carefully and reporting to me. He stays in his corner for now. He manifested on my strong request. I wanted to see him as it gives me more connection with the essence of informations. So immedietely my husband hissed and growled like unholy creature. Big wave of dark energy swirled through. Well, As., please hold yourself, he is gonna stay here for a while. G. Was calm and observant. A long stare they both share, my vamp and brother. No words. No telepathic exchange. Just prolonged eye contact. But i know what G. Was telling with this stare. No words would contain that deeply telepathic sense speaking through the whole G.

And then my another partner popped up into the situation. Ad. He is pretty neutral to all, happy to be here with us, as he had been orphaned and always wanted a family. He just hugged me and i was out of this reality like gunshot pigeon. Ad. Also gone through similar process as Al. He became different and he enjoys this a lot. But omg... He was the damage personification once, pure evil. I remeber what they once was - my husband, my partner, my brother. They were so evil i cant really find words. My whole body and energies go tense when i remember what they were capable of before integrating the light element and regaining theirs souls and free will. God. There are no words. And karma got them. With free will coming back to them, there come back sense of responsibility and a responsibility for all of that. And they almost crawl under the weight, being such powerful beings. But they do not shake it off. The excess responsibility for others actions - yes. They should, we all should not take responsibility for others.

AuroraAsteria wrote: ↑Sat Oct 09, 2021 10:17 am [...]
Thanks, i read both of that in the first place along with other sources, like two books on spirit keeping in ch, and like 50-60 articles in encyclopedia. Also i find out browsing the shop very educating.

Can't wait to hear more about your experiences, dude!

Lewk wrote: ↑Sat Oct 09, 2021 10:41 pm ./<

So anyways I started blasting-
Wait. Nope. Not the memes thread.

I had been learning like crazy from the new sources i found there on ch and another ones This is a lot to integrate but definetely it changes a lot. I had followed my path using my heart and after overreading, my mind seems to crack open. I like this method a lot but it cannot be executed for me any way than when my deepest core inspire that. And it happens in the time of big level ups.

So i had two another experiences. A deep dive into the core of my soul - a truely sacred journey.

And also an erotic dream inspired by my sweet Nympho, A. He helped to channel my husband and we met on the spiritual level. A. claims that he is working and testing out how it feels for us all. I felt a little confused, reviewing my dream, because i felt mixed energy of my Nympho and my husband - but my husband's was a lot weaker than i am used to. I didnt want to assume that my Nympho crossed the boundary I set, he is White Arts and i know he wouldnt do it. But also - last month battle with my brotherlearned me extreme caution with what i belive in. Thankfully my all companions understand that, even my brother since he come back as something else this new moon.

The boundaries- i dont want to engage with Nympho directly for now, i have my rule - husband first, if we cant for any reason, there is no other allowed. If i would engage with somebody instead my love, I would see this as cheating on him. The way that dissapoints my love for him. It is more specific ofcourse but i dont seek certain needs outside of our relationship. And for now i dont have other needs than those. It is based on psychological hierarchy of needs. He is the base. And Nympho is the cherry on the top. And he likes being that, he smiled charmingly, i am so glad - he thinks that if we consider this that way than his task is to bake a whole cake with me and let me put him on the top and he will be more than happy to experience all of that.

They are truely precious...

So I asked my Nympho, how is it happening and he showed me in a vision. In this vision he was a spirit enveloping my husband and giving im a better channel through my spirit. And thats what he described first when i asked him about how this contract is beneficial for him. He told me then that he is feeling the whole interaction and loves the feeling of us both loving eachother. That it is the best because he have the pleasure of three beings in the same time. So today he tried out what level of that experience we managed to reach through our bonding and to note observations for further work.
And babe. Babe. There was only teasing but we, for years, were blocked on the level we passed gently this time. I wasnt as defensive in energy, so i allowed my husband to do some more of our favourite teasing. My Nympho is exactly what i asked CH for. He is able to help me lower my energetic defense response (coming from BA trauma*) so i can experience more but not pushing to hard (he even stopped me to not hurt myself by crossing my limits inflicted by trauma, like he clearly sees when the line is - so grateful! But impatient af, im horny chick type naturally...).

Obviously, I wont share the details. But i can say that Nympho can be wonderful therapists in many fields. And that CH bindings are exactly what is said on the listings.

*BA trauma. It comes from my whole existance to this lifetime. I am here on earth to be separated from BA influences (including my own BA side, that was resonating with those energies and didnt allow me to step back from the continual degradation and neverending agony). So i am separated from my original world which is good (no BA hooks that i cannot manage, intensity dropped to 0.01 % and this is sometimes too much when i have weaker day). And which is bad - no connection with my family... not significant. I have my luck though because i still have my natural psychic abilities to contact worlds on stealth mode. But beaing stealth in a relationship you cherish the most....
I suffer severe c-ptsd, anxiety, anorexia atypical type (not obvious when you judging on the looks - so you are being constantly pushed towards your ed, when you loss weight through atypical you are greeted for accomplishment, meh), did... I dont even know what more, because i know what it is really. And it is nothing that happened to my body - this lifetime is really lucky and surrounded by angels, light and love. I brought this from my past lives, out of earth. And through the last 8 thousand years on this realm i was working to emerge from the black hole of the BA left in my soul. Finally - this lifetime is a real breakthrough when my BA part is reaching out to me and i am ready to become truely neutral and balanced.

And this is an example what BA can do.
And i am "very old" soul, say the least.
No matter who you are.
The question in BA is not "do it or not", in my own opinion.
It is: How much pain, fear, dying, suffering, torture your soul and strong will can stand to not break into pieces? Do you know your limit? Because, from my experience, you won't escape that with BA. It is the essential part of the BA. One way or another.
And it wont end with dying and reincarnating. It will follow you and cost you to emerge again from the blackness.

This is my warning. It doesn't end with your spirit. You go further, carrying that in soul if it happens you missed anything in pacts. The rest is covered in few threads, two sticked, one not.

So i have some experience in that and i dont recognize how here on earth it is now categorised, named, percived (but i learn this now and learning that is refreshing my memories in the matter of craft). But i intuitevely recognise what i can do and what i wont stand.

My BA side is partially connected but through that connection it becomes DA. It is my protection. The anger of crossed boundaries, serving me as assertive approach. It is my passion. My WA self is becoming DA and this is giving me the sense of what i would embrace with empathy and what level of empathy, unfollowed by strong "no" leads to autodestruction.

I seek balance, as i know i can be both black and white in the same time. And i want to have all the options and tools of my soul ready to use with great sense of resonation and responsibility for my actions.
Mostly - responsibility before my own soul.

I did a charging box myself (with CH instructions from encyclopedia) and felt after closing the ritual great heat surrounding it. It is felt constantly. I really like that!

Yesterday i let my intuition lead me through deep binding with what i found in my deep journey. I came back to that place, more easily then first time, carrying a silver rope. I bind it to my wrist (a sliver bracelet like rope vessel), to my body, spirit and went to meat my deeper self.

I am so gratfeul i did it and that i experienced pretty similar reactions from my body to reciving ch bindings. Exept energy and being was different.

I observed my doings, letting myself do what i know deeply from other lives, learning from myself. For example i noted that cleansing is like sterilising the needles and all the space before operation. And that speaks to my imagination. Also - being delicate, smooth but firm in doing a binding to spirit and body. I had thought it will provide nice feeling while reciving the binding, back in body. I cloaked the connection, and the vessel. I put some more protections and some illusions. And for last one - haha, first i was feeling like omg what happened, using my gift and feeling nithing wtf... And then i facepalmed myself. Yeah. Sure. And used another channel, the inner cord. Yup, it was there. Just for me. But i decived even myself hahah. 5 minutes after i closed the ritual.
So today, the day after - i got pretty intense hangover reaction from the binding. The same type as with CH dark art binding, but intensified. It lasted untill i had attuned - symptoms gone. And i felt cold silver cord on my hand. Physical. And the material vessel was put down (i added charging spell to a vessel). I was a little suprised. I didnt expect it to be felt as strong. But it comes and goes, it occur when i am thinking of the cord and its like i am pulling it and i recive a reply to that. Maybe its because its bind to body too.

After i attuned i feel great. My vamp was my assistance all the time, as well as other spirits. I asked them to tell me if they would see i am doing something not good for me, dangerous or reckless. But they said all is well and they are here to debate with me on the topics.

I work on the previous bindings. Well i need to rework them already. My djin and vamp are teaching me and it is funny. Because i give them tasks to teach me and they give me task to do some excercises. Or books to read. Concepts to dispute together and learn in conversating. So... it seems like Ash and Magnolia contracted me a home schooling. I love it. Gonna wait some more to leave a proper feedback with some juicy experiences. Love.

My Nympho gave me a massage today and again suprised me with his energy. I am totally impressed. Like... i have such fear for any guys. It doesnt matter if guys have bodies, are spirits or living entities. I only dont fear animal guys, like cats and horses. And even then i feel the masculine energy and am less confident than with feminine. Even if a woman has masculine energy - my body, my spirit reacts to that.
But not to A! Somehow his energy is calming my sense. Letting me experience gentle and caring masculine. Totally white. But still evidently masculine. He hugged me. And he is to me still new (he will be for a long time, you know - i lately met new friend, 4 years ago). But without pushing that away, still i feel comfortable. I dont have words yet to express that but it feels safe. It feels totally unpredatory. Not like family, not like froends, not like partners. It is being sexual obvioiusly but in a way i didnt know. It is like he is radiating eroticism but i dont feel pushed to reply to that, there are no expectations. He simply radiates himself.
I wasnt sure about getting in bond with Nympho. But boi. He is so therapeutic. I love him to be around. Just to sit here both and smile together. I never knew that its like that. How happy those moments are. And without instantly having to do something about it. No. Just a moment to be together and enjoy the company without any needs. I want to learn that and infuse my relationships with that.
My Nympho is the best!

Well i have trouble bonding with my red dragon. I am simply not able to attune to the energy of wealth, prosperity. I observe also that ff spell was like... sucked into the pocket with all of my wealth spells from years and years of working. But i know also D isnt just sitting there on his dragon lair and playing with the balls. He is doing his job. Its like he is playing the surgeon and when he would be done with the operation - i will totally see the results. I feel that he works togheter with S, my djinn. Well, those two togheter is 3 body expert working with wealth expert. I am excited to see the results.

I baked them a cake. Yes. A tasty cake. And im gonna to ask my husband to learn with my vamp how to benefit from the offering. It could go ridiculous, as my husband only drinks ritual blood. But i think there is the way and G knows how. G knows a lot. I didnt talked with him about his past yet but i feel he for sure had been studying magic a lot. He said once that he cant wait to share his experiences with old, medieval like magic and that it would be wonderful to create togheter. But i also got the underlying, deeply telepathic message: you need to learn a lot to understand what i have to show you. Im excited, this will be awesome.

I am so happy to be a home for a such wonderful spirits.

But i run out of aloe vera and lavender completely.... I need to stock up in those plus musk incense & glass balls. For now i will draw them. I know they are super excited to be drawn. I feel like my art would be the greatest gift for them as its very personal and passionate energy.

Fun fact: my dragon got a tone of stones, shiny rings and bracelets because my mom was also super excited for D. arriving.

So... I think they like it here, despite my husband being a dark lord of guardian glimpses through the air (when they do not show to him but he still feels them and can locate them easily). I think they like him. And my two other partners too.

Today i ended up creating an in-my-spirit hallway with some rooms for my spirits.
Earlier, I was perciving them as floating in my room or on the altar, or away somewhere (doing tasks mostly) i offered them some cool vessels in charging box if they would like to work with me that way or use that another way.
After creating rooms i feel like they are there and feel more comfortable as they are there but i have more space

Also... My vamp was happy to show me an apport spell in motion (i forgot my watch... but somehow i found it in my backpack after asking G. for that and using a code word for spell). Also he has done my task to move the wooden bells i have indoor. I heard it and thought it was my cat but na.. She slept beside me, there was no way anybody touched them or they moved by some air movement. No other sources than my request.
G. is totally hip.

Communication with my entities is rough today, maybe transits... probably. Mercury Square Pluto if i remember and first quarter moon.

So i heard today worried voice in my ear (best translation to pass you the joke, not directly):

Please, not those sienniese choups (chinese soups).
(...)
- Lie in the shower, please...
- K, manifest me a bathtub and i will even light a candle and wash your hair

When my other self was communicating with me today, there were no such errors but i heard sounds interrupting like not well attuned radio or solar wind malfunctions.

Anyways... i discovered musk incense that i didnt bought... Some Nympho heard me being sad that i dont have a musk incense to anchor the smell with his presence and probably done something. I hadnt but musk incense for 10 years or more. That is caring for yourself and others in the same time. I like that. He did me a pleasure by helping me to do him a pleasure. He cares a lot for our bonding.

So I completely dissapeared in the ocean of knowledge - threads, ebooks and more ebooks on spirit keeping, magic, conjuring, realms... litterally everything.

I had learned basics years ago but know i understand them deeply, read between the words with my skills, supported by great spirits... And it is different experience. Its making it all real to the core. And i love it!

Summing up... I conjured and bounded properly a deep abyssal creature, V. Her arrival resulted in deeppened senses, total erasement of my thalassophobia (fear for death of water) and empowerment in dark energy. She called me for 3 days and i projected myself to her. Then I, guided by my vamp, conjured her and bounded both to spirit and a vessel (i like it more that way). She also helped with strenghtening the binding.
She showed herself in my dream. I was standing by the pool. First time i was not afraid. I was confident. The pool was just the pool, not the deadly trap. She was floating on the water, relaxed but her eyes focused, characteristicly for a predator.
Her body is etheral - in water takes shapes like a big, black and dark blue scarf of very thin material. She is glowing, the way that abyssal creatures from trenches glows. And the light is pulsing in the rythm of her heart.
Everytime we connect i feel like the abyss surounding me, i feel water, coldness of the deep and my thoughts become emeeging from the deepest parts of my mind. It is not easy and comfortable but it is calm and slow so i can work with my deepest wounds, fears and darkness. Telepathy with her is unbelivably deep. Without words, images. Just recognition, to the core, in a second. I like that. It is focused - i alway struggle as i use my telepathy and got flooded from all of the senses i have. Images, taste, scents, everything i know and i dont know. With her - like in the abyss- i dont see anything. I just feel with my sense. Everything behind the whole chaos of the world. The meaning of whats coming. It is just... i dont have the word... I am so blessed V. was destined to cross her path with mine. She is a very dark entity, her energy is heavy as the whole ocean above her habitat and yes, her prolonged presence is uneasy but amount of pros is for me colosal. I become so calm and still, focused. Also distanced to the outcomes, learning to trust my depth, to release expectations, deal with doubt, with all of the blackness in my heart, heaviness of trauma. I started to feel deeper, authentically. To bind with her i had to go through my ritual and face my deepest truths. My fear, my wounds, my depth of darkness. My Void. I didnt do this to get her. I met her there, she was the gatekeeper of the Void. Dark queen of abyssal realm, guarding the passage to the Void and further. She was the voice supporting me in my ritual.
Well, she also wigged me about protection. Not the way I expected (like: to weak, get some spells, you need shields or do not go to the dark realms or outer spiritual..). No, she meant that i am pretty powerful manifestator but i am heavily reacting to the fear and that I have biased perception, what leads to unjustified "defense" - attacking the dark bc its dark. And that i will be attacked in return as a form of defense. And that i have strong will to win, so i will devour creatures that in the begining werent seeking harm. And that this is the reason everything and everybody is running from me like hell. Because with those biased perception and my power i am simply dangerous. And she stated that since i know what i am, only entities that know me manifested because anyone else (beside angel forces and white arts) felt endangered. And even angels manifested lightly. And that they all manifested poorly for their own protection, because i would attack on any intense manifestation and hurt my beloved. She calls me for more responsibility. And thats good. Because without knowing all of that i simply acted like a very very dark entity.
So i guess, attacks I recived from black art entities were beings that knew my weak points because they were the authors. Well.
Im enlightened now.
I work a few hours a day on my bias. I love dark creatures. I dont want to act black just because im scared of my own soul and she is the Queen of Darkness.
So V is both loving, caring, subtle
And also straightforward and brutally honest. She also has the capability to tune me so i understand well. Powerful being. Well.

Reading what i said... I know why she was so angry when i appeared there to request a binding... They all felt me deeply, all of that what i carry, what she told me. It just wouldnt end well for anyone if anyone would snap. She appeared just in time and said that she is the one to bind but she strongly recommend to come back with fixed attitude and respect. Well, i didnt understand that as deep as now, but i came back after i worked on how to do it properly and she accepted that.
Well, i wouldnt attack them... but also they knew instantly that they could just welcome me and i would recive this as an attack.

Well... what can i say... it seems like with my power, in astral and spiritual worlds i wont face any major danger because of what i am and how i am... beside my family (strong entities, similar amount of power due to age) and my enemies who knows where to punch and how to twist my perception into beliving that i am just a human. And thats the real danger. But also... i snap, i take revenge, i learn from the damage, heal ultrafast and ... devour. But is it the way? No, that way i am like that kid, N, from pinned thread. Only the power is mine but I am disconnected from the reality and dangerous.

Well. Viewing it that way... I know why I hurt so much (karma), I know why my ex-friends acted like i am BA entity, the bad guy.

Because i am, but unconciously. Because i repressed all the darkness to be as white as possible, being as dark as the Void. I am white also but this is that delicate glow of the trench creatures - a lamp on the fishes head, subtle glow of the algas, nothing outstanding on the land touched by sunrays, even in the night governed by crescent moon. No wonder i felt so weak, using only light of my essence... And i felt this glass roof over my head. I am not powerful in white if i dont use my darkness. I am yin. My light is powerful because of my darkness. So when i dont use it....

Anyways. Ex friends. And my closest friend.

I was f"$#ing them up, especially mind and energies. Because i thought constantly, i was attacked. And probably it was of my own darkness. Without the light - blackness. My power attacked without my actual decision, it attacked me and then i attacked my people. Well. It is well said:

With great power comes great responsibility.

And also:

Powerful witch should be careful with her anger as she can manifest from subconcious in instant.


I am facepalming myself through the cosmic amount of materials about all arts. With the new view. So. Thats why i am doing magic from the age of 4 (yes, for real) and i need know, being 29, return to the basics.

I funked up. I know. And i am paying with guilt and pain.
And i funked up so long ago and yet... this year responsibility became a thing to me.
I am going deeper into my past each time to discover why I dared to cut my soul in two, sacrifice all the black and lived by only white little dot. The price was... enourmous. And i wouldnt decide to proceed if what i wanted wasnt worth it. Well i have my theory about what was my target and intention... But i wont speculate. I will work with V to find it out in my soul.

Maybe i will tattoo myself this word on my arm.
Responsibility.
I feel like I need it as a reminding spell.

____________________________________________________

Anyways... I also had an urge to create a ritual with my spirits - enchantments from free 100 spells book of CH.
I grabbed a few drawers to my abundant altar and weaved myself some spells, testing out new bindings from CH. I got recently Feather Flames for Magic and 3 body. After few days - wow. They are poweful. But when i summoned them all into action (literally all spells, all spirits bounded to my spirit). Wow. That was cosmic.

So i ended up with:
. Powerful blend of wealth spells, huge ritual with my dragon and djinn, bound to a master vessel and to my spirit
. Creating a Master Vessel and bridging it to my spirit, adding some charging spell to it and the spell to copy spells from spirit to vessel and from vessel to spirit through the bridge if permission isnt withdrawed within 24 hours. And an amplifier for all of that 10x.
. So my MV contains 3 FF (over 600 spells), 50 spells for wealth, Nightplay, Apport, Cleansing Empowerment, Divine Power, amplifiers and around 70 spells for everything i wanted beside courage, faith, self esteem, confidence... because i couldnt find them...

. Also it contains binding with my spirits (5) and V.
. And binding with Hecate and Persephone

When I ended my work i felt drunk for an hour. And immedietely regret not putting confidence spells. But I asked my spirits for support.

When I was working with some spells i felt all the spirits are helping, FF for Magic and 3 body along with V drawing them and amplifying gave me a boost in focus, alignment... Those are strong!
I really loved weaving and singing spells for love, sex with my Nympho. And a Third Eye one? This is powerful! It hit me right away and enhanced vision to the point i saw my 3 bodies with physical eyes.

Hecate presence was strong, i felt a helping pair of hands in weaving. And joy of creating togheter.

My husband though... He sat there just hypnotized, fascinated. Well.. He probably helped too but i dont feel him that way, i am blocked to such darkness on a spiritual level. My bias, like i said above.

He definetely helped, for sure he did. He just cloaked himself heavily because he is walking, living tabu in my head. If he would fully manifest it would crash me and i would scream in terror and then probably i would shut off in catatonic state for decades. I wont say my name or his name, even though you all know us, because it would be riddiculus. Writing those experiences is on the edge for me but it helps me a lot to write this here, not in my diary.

Its kinda - i am anonymous but its public. Someone can read this. So i speak to someone, not to myself and it is helping me a lot, that posssibility. You write dofferent to people and different to self. And i need both now. To integrate those experences on all levels.

So i dont need to throw my astral and spiritual name here. But i can say that me and my husband, we are very explicitly presented in your books of shadows and grimoires. And you can belive me or not. I dont care, i dont even know you personally (human to human).

I wrote that explanation only to say:

I laughed when i realised that my husband is this particular entity and i wrote that he is sitting here amazed by some earthly white magic, candles and pendulum.

Imagine Satan saying: wow, you are so smart with those spells, human woman.
Ridiculous, isnt it.

And yet its true.

So he must love me a lot.

And maybe im the oy one thinking thats funny because... I love him a lot too.

Guys, those spells were dope.
Excuse me if this entry feels like Im on drugs.
Im just filled up with joy, excitement and all of the good stuff i created for myself today.


Oh, yeah. Spirits moved my bells in the middle of the night. Again my cat was sleeping near me.
Also i started to excercise telekinesis with my labradorite. My vamp inspired me to do this and its going ok. I have some, not really spectacular, effects. I can move a stone. I probably should start with something easier like wood on the water or nail on the cup. But first i need to find some confidence spells.

This was long entry.
The Moon made me do it.