Hi everyone

So I was raised in a very religious town and had all manner of fear mongering taught to me growing up. It wasn’t until I was older that I abandoned that those things but the issue is that I still have those fears in the back of my mind from it being put into my head at such a young age.

I’ve been with my Succubus, S for many years. Since 2017,and she’s been very sweet to me. Never once hurt me in any way and has been nothing but supportive. However I always have those fears in the back of my head about damnation and hell… to the point I get anxiety. What can I do about this? I love her dearly but I don’t want to push her away with this irrational fear. I guess because of that childhood stuff I’m afraid I’ll be damned for being with her. I think I’m just looking for reassurance that won’t happen

I grew up with similar ideas placed in my brain pan from an early and impressionable age. I actually went to therapy for a year for religious trauma, and it helped me deal with the irrationality of the fears of the adults around me when I was a child.

Ultimately, YOU get to decide now, since you're an adult: do you want Fear, or do you want Love? It can be hard to let go of the fear, but remember: your anxiety lies to you. Anxiety tries to protect you, but often runs on bad data, so it's not always very, err, useful. You can choose to turn away from that fear from other people and choose to feel love instead.

Those other adults have not lived your life, and not seen what you've seen, and experienced what you experienced, so their opinions weigh less than your own.

No one person has all the answers, *especially* the people who say they do!

In my personal experience and opinion, though: No, your choice of friendship is not going to negatively affect you in any way. Friendship brings happiness and love and peace... you can't be damned for feeling those wonderful things with another person or spirit.

@biohazardzombie I have a lot of love for my parents and family, but similarly much of them were very religious and things like magic were "evil". I remember things like Harry Potter and Pokemon getting banned in the household when I was a kid. And while I did the religious thing for most of my youth and young adult life. Being a more analytical person, I questioned much of it. I have had the same fears you have had but I have eventually come to terms with that fear and realized that fear is actually more a tool of control by many religious organizations.

I think the truth is more of the lines, is we as humans don't really know what comes next. We know spiritual beings and realms exist, but its all a mystery til we get there ourselves in death.

In that way @cndrow hits the nail on the head, if friendship and love gets you damned to hell then I have to assume whoever/whatever is making those decisions might not be so friendly themselves.

So live free, live happily and save the fear for the times when things get dangerous, not because someone told you to be afraid. I think you will find a lot of support here in that way.

I also grew up under heavy religious influence, specifically Christian. The fear tactics used on me still occasionally haunt me too. I remember having the same thought process when my succubus started hanging around me. I can't tell you for certain that you won't go to hell, becuase even I don't know for sure. But it seems like whatever it is out there that lays beyond our world, wherever it is we go when we cross back over to the spirit realm, certainly doesn't seem like a place of cold calculated judgement. I remember when I told my succubus about that same irrational fear of being sent to hell (for other reasons, not just hanging out with a demon.) And my succubus just smiled, put her arm around me and said "Don't worry. If that does happen; I'll take you in." Of course she was trying to lighten the mood and make me feel better as neither of us actually think that's where I'll go, but it's a nice sentiment. Besides, Hell isn't nearly as frightening to think about if you think about being there with both a local and a loving caring friend. Again, not that you'll go there, but it takes away the power the fear has over you to think of it like that.

cndrow said it best. I'd also recommend studying other philosophy and religion. The more you're exposing yourself to different systems and ideals, the less you feel condensed to just one mindset. You mentioned that you have been working with S since 2017 so I assume you've already done some of this, but try approaching it from an analytical point of view instead of a spiritual one. You'll have less pressure on your shoulders when you make the decision of what works best for you belief wise if it's all based on your own knowledge and experiences.

If it's any consolation, I had a fear of this as a teenager...but then after researching I decided that it just didn't matter. I'd rather live a happy life now. If someone else thinks I'll burn forever for finding my own happiness, well, they and their god must have a pretty nasty ego problem. If that's the case, it must be a very insecure god Not much to be afraid of in that regard.

I grew up a Southern Baptist, and I have an incubus in my keep.

Here's the weird part, though: E actually has plenty of good things to say about the Church, sincerely. The Cliff's Notes version is that the Church, despite its missteps, has brought stability to most of the world; as a result, there are more people with more chances to do what they love, which is something incubi like to see. Better moods make for better relationships, and everything that follows.

And another surprising take of his, is that there is some genuine good in the commandments on the family. Dysfunctional families often lead to children that, among other things, don't understand the idea of a healthy, passionate love. When there's so much rejection/isolation on one extreme, unhealthy obsession on the other, and not much left in the middle, what's that do for the next generation's idea of a healthy passion? Sometimes, the old ways really are best, especially for something so foundational to the health of the next generation.

Hedonism in general, tends to cause a lot of problems between humans and incubi, individually and as species, and both short and long term. And, broadly speaking, the Church is the strongest bulwark against hedonism. So, there's that, as well.

"Bluntly, passionate love, and casual hookups, aren't even in the same time zone. We don't like hookup culture any more than, oh why not, Anthony Comstock. Because the whole hedonistic/free love mindset, often results in what humans expect will be just a casual fling when they summon one of us. Being on the other end of that...

In a way, it's kind of like a gambling addiction for us. Anyone who's ever hit a jackpot on a slot machine will have some idea. For a moment, you're on top of the world.

And then, next thing we know, we find out it was only meant to be a one-time fling. It's maddening. We don't need a contract signed in blood or anything, but come on: is it too much for us to ask to at least be respected in the morning?

So, counterintuitive as it sounds, we actually have more in agreement with the Church, than most would assume a priori. Our ideal, is healthy passion, freely expressed, in every way, including erotically. But healthy passion is something that's hard to cultivate, in a world where hedonism has largely replaced deep love, abiding passion, and perhaps not coincidentally, spiritual pursuits.

Maybe that doesn't answer the original question, but I hope it's food for thought."

I was born in the 1950s to pretty strict, devout Catholic parents - most religious families seemed strict then. And the orthodox beliefs taught were too. I went to a grammar school run by priests.

There has been a lot said about the conditioning of our early years due to fire and brimstone / sex-is-wrong, thou-shalt-not etc teachings.

After 50 years now of alternative spirituality with nearly 6 years of spirit keeping, I still think treating negative conditioning from Christianity is best looked at from a psychological point of view. You can take your pick from things like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - one version of that is called Rational Belief Therapy - which are ways of talking ourselves down in terms of our thought processes...learning to recognise and halt them before they run away with us. Or whatever school of psychological self help you feel drawn to. They're truly pernicious & unhealthy, persistent thought forms - kind of. It's worth de-programming yourself, if you want to.

I no longer subscribe to any of those beliefs...since my late teens. But they remain in our conditioning from childhood onwards.

I would suggest adding shadow work to what I mentioned. Not only does that have a respectable psychological pedigree - it stems from Carl Jung's insights and work - it also resonates strongly with modern takes on magical personal development. I'd say it impacts on our paranormal profile or potential as much as 'merely' psychologically.

Nightrunner404 wrote: ↑Sat Mar 11, 2023 9:46 pm In that way @cndrow hits the nail on the head, if friendship and love gets you damned to hell then I have to assume whoever/whatever is making those decisions might not be so friendly themselves.

Further, if it is, indeed, true that you have a destination plotted out for you after death, and if it is also true that this destination was determined in lieu of the gentleness, kindness, and love you shared and experienced, must it not also follow that this destination would be shaped by these core attributes?

There is no way that a place of damnation would emerge from benevolent expressions.

I share a similar background, and was raised in a religious denomination that valued only puritanical adherence and abject subservience. Church "elders" assigned to watch your every move, members dictating the acceptance of your every relationship, and invasions of your own home when you were perceived as out of line. Always and forever the threat of fire and brimstone for the slightest mistake. Preaching about love and forgiveness, and casting stones at those with the slightest differences.

There are many ways for you to "unpack" the intense dogma you've been forced to endure. Unlearning these things is rarely easy. Those who have not experienced life in these environments will likely struggle to understand how deep the mental impressions can be.

For a few recommendations as places to start;

• Communicate, always communicate, with your succubus. You may have already done so - but it is always key to maintain dialogue with your succubus about how you have been impacted. Or, better yet, how the toxic rhetoric you were exposed to may impact your relationship with her. It depends on both of you, but speaking from my own experience, and experiences from others I have seen, companions are often able to help with these sorts of complications. Your succubus may be able to help you heal, or provide a balm for the pain you have gone through.

• Research. It is perhaps too deep a topic to delve fully into here, but the concept of "damnation and hell" is a modern incarnation, mistranslation, and overall simple fearmongering tactic. Knowledge leads to clarity, and clarity sheds a light upon the path before you. Many of the so called "authorities" on Christianized concepts of the afterlife do not even know the origin of the things they claim. Nor do they care. It is used as a tactic to force obedience. Indeed, from Jewish traditions the afterlife takes place in Sheol - which is not a place of damnation and suffering, merely a quiet place of darkness.

• Lastly, hold in your mind and heart the affection you have received, and the fondness you have for your succubus companion. Even as you wrote, you expressed how supportive she has been, and how much love you have for her. Do not allow yourself to be robbed of those sentiments.