Shinoera wrote: ↑Tue Nov 01, 2022 10:57 pm
Hey,
For those who wonder, the words in the title don't regard my succubus but myself since I'm the one who has wronged her more than once. I know a lot of threads are kinda similar to this one, but I felt like I needed to put my own "story" on this forum as it might help others people in the future. I'll talk about my experience, what I did and how I feel about all these things.
First off, it all started in 2017, so yeah, it's already 5 years
(I saw a very similar post from a newcomer) since I decided to purchase a spirit-binding from a very trusted conjurer at the time
(still today, I think) on this forum. I had just turned 18 at the time and thought I was mature, yet I assumed that what I was buying was like an item; this is far from the case, especially since I asked for a succubus queen. My expectations weren't very high but rather precise since, at the time, everything was based on my own fantasies. I became aware of this a few months afterward, but I struggled to put aside these expectations, and I think it hurt my succubus a lot back then, especially since I wasn't fond of the image the conjurer sent me to show what she was looking like (my taste have changed now, tho
). That said, I don't think I could even break apart completely from these expectations.
A lot of things happened during these 5 years, but to be concise, I'll stick to the main points. At the start, I felt like she was playfully taking firm grasps of my asscheeks here and there; it surprised me a bit, to be fair. Didn't know how to react, so I let it slip, now I would like that these phenomena came back, but nothing happens anymore:
1. From 2017 to now, meditating has been a tumultuous task to actually do; everytime I try, I just end up stopping, even after promising her several time to actually bulldozer through to finally progress in my journey and make her happy. Every time I've said that I stopped. Bursts of motivation end up in nothing; what someone needs is auto-discipline, but I struggle to follow my own rules. Any idea on how to improve this part of myself? Magically-speaking?
2. I've had feedback from her a few times; that said, the conjurer never answered back. I've tried automatic writing, telepathy, and astral projection, none of these worked, but I'm quite good with the tarot and oracles. One of these readings I've done for myself showed me two cards from the Triad Oracle that were related to loneliness and personal struggle; another one told me my succubus was fighting for her own world about something, never knew what. All these made me feel bad every time, especially when someone did a free tarot reading for me and told me my succubus understood that I was a beginner and that it would take time. It was almost 3 years ago, and I'm somehow concerned about what she thinks about me. At this point, I don't ask for her love, even if I would like that, but just for a chance to come back on my feet with her help since I think I'm actually on the right track to enjoy my life and find what makes me happy. Do you know a method to facilitate this process?
3. Last point would be about marks and scratches on my body. It goes back to when I was in college, one day I came there, and a friend of mine asked me if I fought with someone, he told me I had hands marks around my neck as if someone tried to strangle me, but I didn't felt pain, and couldn't see any marks on the mirror. When I came back home, my mom asked me the same thing, and only one of my little brothers could see the marks. I still couldn't see them and still didn't understand what had happened that day. It's one of the most bizarre things that directly "afflicted" me. I thought it was my succubus since I was trying my best with two girls at college, but what I felt from her was something akin to dejection, the energy was like: "How can you even think that I would do this to you?" I'm now aware that I profoundly hurt her, but at the time, I didn't know better. I thought about parasites later and did my best to "clean" myself, but I still don't know what happened there. I think it was that day that she got a bit fed up with me, I can't really blame her.
Sorry if it's too long for some
It's not too long at all.
I'd like to add a few comments. It may help to know I have a pretty large sexual commune, so I'm not just being abstractly theoretical. I'm going from experience too. I also think similar traits and abilities exist across the many different sexual spirit types. Succubi are a distinct type but other sexual spirits do also seem to have one or more similar traits or abilities to theirs.
I agree that psychic 'hygiene', energy cleansing & protection are very useful. I'd add that centering & grounding would be good things to learn too.
But I think even more important to keep in mind are the following spirit keeping points:
- Sexual spirits vary greatly. Yes, some are romantic and can be quite possessive, which is what is said about Succubi. But, with modern spirit keeping, a conjured and bound Succubus is first and foremost a companion that has agreed to be with their keeper for life. All bound spirits that have been conjured to be lifelong companions are said to know what they're letting themselves in for before they agree to the binding. And they're said to be able to understand when we're going through stuff in life. So, it really is okay to ease off on our own expectations of ourselves; take it easy on ourselves, give ourselves some credit. Relax, and things are likely to go better.
- Even slight doubt or anxiety about our relationship with our bound spirit companion can create a block. This is most likely what's affecting you, from what you've said. The main things to base a relationship with a spirit companion on are said to be: respect, friendship and admiration. Bound spirit companions - even sexual ones that are romantically attached to us - are usually happy if we're happy and unhappy if we're not. Yes, they enjoy connection, time spent closely with us and feeling included in our lives but I suggest don't feel there's some kind of common standard you're falling short on, or are failing to reach etc. Don't get stuck on feeling you've deeply disappointed your spirit companion. I think they'll most likely be happy when you re-establish a pattern of interaction that works for you.
- So: stop Trying. Don't view the glass as half empty. Perhaps it's half full? You want to establish a good relationship - this will not have gone unnoticed by your companion. This will be appreciated.
- Easy ways to re-establish a bond:
i. Take it easy. Give yourself some credit.
ii. Talk to your companion, telepathically , or out loud. Tell them about your hopes and dreams for the day, week or month ahead. Invite their help with that.
iii. Maybe begin a 30 days bonding period again. This simply involves spending 5-15 minutes a day closely together in quiet time. We don't have to make that Meditation. Just be in a comfortable position, with no distractions, don't fall asleep and just see what impressions or thoughts arise. Hold the vessel if you have one. Call their name, invite them to be with you for the session. It's okay if it seems like nothing happened. It did. We just think it didn't. (I'd also recommend not getting carried away being sexually frisky in these sessions, if you know what I mean. It helps to remain aware of what impressions arise. You can ask yourself: what does this vessel feel like? What does this spirit look like? What does this spirit do?) Personally, I meditate outside of such quiet time, not during it.
iv. You may want to take notes, which can be reviewed from time to time. If you see similar thoughts or impressions each time, that may well be the effect of your companion interacting with you.
- We can set sexual boundaries. If there's something we'd like them to not do, it's absolutely fine to politely ask them to not do that - even if we later change our mind. Being clear is the important thing. Otherwise they may get confused as to what we want or like.
- Marks etc: The standard thing is to always get things checked out medically. I also think we can generate such marks psychosomatically. Or they may be coincidental physical symptoms. The key thing is what to do about it. Metaphysically, we can ask our protection spirits to block such effects. But first we can respectfully ask our bound sexual spirits to support us in helping us to not have such effects.
I may have missed something but I hope that much is useful.
tl/dr: A sexual spirit, including a Succubus, is first and foremost a spirit companion. They have been conjured to be supportive, lifelong friends but they can also see things from that special perspective they have as a spirit. A key thing is to not get hung up on feeling we've let them down or are inadequate in what we're doing as a Keeper. Take things easy. Go at a comfortable pace. Don't try to run before you can walk. It's easy to re-establish a bond. Just abandon worries and start again.
Good luck.
