An Unusual Experience
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:54 pm
To you who may have read my outburst on live chat this morning: you have my apologies.
I've now returned to a somewhat more.. level-headed state of mind and feel like reflecting on/discussing what happened rather than just shouting it to the wind.
I've been keeping a dream journal and practicing lucid dreaming tech for several months now, with a years-long tail of more half-hearted, intermittent lucid attempts before that. I'd describe the typical character/tone of my dreams these days to be either a) mundane first-person slice-of-life experiences I'm 'participating' in or b) cinematic, metaphorical experiences that are being 'shown' to me. Neither tend to have very much emotional charge to them; I journal down what I remember and don't think much beyond "Huh, there's <familiar theme> again." I'm often lucid enough in SoL's to play around with dream powers (I seem to enjoy flying/climbing quite a lot), but they still aren't terribly impactful. Until this morning.
Dream scene:
I wake up, lying in bed. The room is spacious, with clean white walls and enormous windows letting in natural light. A young woman ~my age I don't recognize is standing at the foot of the bed, looking at me, smiling, waiting. I'm rather confused by this scene, no 'dream backstory' seems to have been loaded into my memory. I emote my curiosity/confusion, and the story unfolds: I'm suffering amnesia as a consequence of some kind of brain surgery, and she is someone who cares for and loves me very much. She tells me this as if it was a well-practiced speech; like it had happened before. The love pouring off her is tangible; I cannot recall ever feeling anything like that. She calls others into the room, now that I've 'woken:' More young ladies, faces that I almost recognize, file in. They're all smiling, loving, expecting something: suddenly the dream recall clicks into place. I call them as people I had known growing up, and they are delighted that I remember them. They call in more people, my brother and sister and other family, male friends I've had before, and everyone dog-piles me in an enormous group hug.
I wake up for real, overwhelmed with love and joy. I almost start crying. I spend my morning meditation trying to burn the image and feeling into memory, and manage to refrain from waking up the whole house to hug them and tell them how wonderful life is; they would not have appreciated it at such an early hour.. I drift through my morning routine, feeling like a plucked harpstring, vibrating with the intensity of it. I do eventually calm down, but not before embarrassing myself on livechat and checking my email to see that coincidentally (or perhaps not?), my first-time spirit binding had been completed and was now in shipping.
For the first few hours of my day I couldn't even remember what depression felt like. The gloom had lifted and I felt full of sunshine instead. I broke into spontaneous laughter as I listened to music to match the tone, to keep it going, to stretch it out as long as I could.
If this had been the result of a physical drug, I would be VERY much hooked right now...
And now I've had to attend to my normal day's business, walked around in the sun and sat on the bus, and I feel almost sane enough to try and figure out what the heck happened. I just hope my councilor doesn't think I've completely lost my marbles (couldn't help telling her about it, either..)
I eagerly await your thoughts.
I've now returned to a somewhat more.. level-headed state of mind and feel like reflecting on/discussing what happened rather than just shouting it to the wind.
I've been keeping a dream journal and practicing lucid dreaming tech for several months now, with a years-long tail of more half-hearted, intermittent lucid attempts before that. I'd describe the typical character/tone of my dreams these days to be either a) mundane first-person slice-of-life experiences I'm 'participating' in or b) cinematic, metaphorical experiences that are being 'shown' to me. Neither tend to have very much emotional charge to them; I journal down what I remember and don't think much beyond "Huh, there's <familiar theme> again." I'm often lucid enough in SoL's to play around with dream powers (I seem to enjoy flying/climbing quite a lot), but they still aren't terribly impactful. Until this morning.
Dream scene:
I wake up, lying in bed. The room is spacious, with clean white walls and enormous windows letting in natural light. A young woman ~my age I don't recognize is standing at the foot of the bed, looking at me, smiling, waiting. I'm rather confused by this scene, no 'dream backstory' seems to have been loaded into my memory. I emote my curiosity/confusion, and the story unfolds: I'm suffering amnesia as a consequence of some kind of brain surgery, and she is someone who cares for and loves me very much. She tells me this as if it was a well-practiced speech; like it had happened before. The love pouring off her is tangible; I cannot recall ever feeling anything like that. She calls others into the room, now that I've 'woken:' More young ladies, faces that I almost recognize, file in. They're all smiling, loving, expecting something: suddenly the dream recall clicks into place. I call them as people I had known growing up, and they are delighted that I remember them. They call in more people, my brother and sister and other family, male friends I've had before, and everyone dog-piles me in an enormous group hug.
I wake up for real, overwhelmed with love and joy. I almost start crying. I spend my morning meditation trying to burn the image and feeling into memory, and manage to refrain from waking up the whole house to hug them and tell them how wonderful life is; they would not have appreciated it at such an early hour.. I drift through my morning routine, feeling like a plucked harpstring, vibrating with the intensity of it. I do eventually calm down, but not before embarrassing myself on livechat and checking my email to see that coincidentally (or perhaps not?), my first-time spirit binding had been completed and was now in shipping.
For the first few hours of my day I couldn't even remember what depression felt like. The gloom had lifted and I felt full of sunshine instead. I broke into spontaneous laughter as I listened to music to match the tone, to keep it going, to stretch it out as long as I could.
If this had been the result of a physical drug, I would be VERY much hooked right now...
And now I've had to attend to my normal day's business, walked around in the sun and sat on the bus, and I feel almost sane enough to try and figure out what the heck happened. I just hope my councilor doesn't think I've completely lost my marbles (couldn't help telling her about it, either..)
I eagerly await your thoughts.