What's it like to keep a BA spirit?

[Tarvos]

I was probably one of those people who discouraged others before, so here I am again. I actually work with a BA living entity, which is very different from a BA spirit. I often guide people away from darker DA beings because many don’t really get the complexities and many things involved with keeping darker beings. They only see these darker spirits/entities as just more powerful and think they can do things that lighter beings can't. But curiosity can be tricky. You are in denial, you know? It’s not just curiosity, you actually want a BA spirit. And that's a different thing.

Like you, most of my entities reached out to me first with a calling, including my BA living entity. I never intended to work with a BA being. I still don't, so I only have one BA being for that very reason. I was looking for a specific spirit race, but couldn’t find one that matched my energy. After two months and something, the seller contacted me about a “DA entity,” which surprised us both since we all had forgotten my initial request. It was the entity who came forward and poked the seller for me. I had a few special cases like this that beings found a human, also practitioner to poke at me. The seller categorized them as “DA,” but once they were home, we realized they were a BA living entity, not borderline at all.

To put it simply, think of 100% DA as the maximum for DA. Anything above that falls into the BA category. In my case, my being’s energy signature is 47% BA, so both their energy and energy signature are already way way way beyond DA, and too much into BA zone, they're still labeled as a “darker DA” by the conjurer. Whelps. Conjurers often mix up the two DA/BA. I’ve encountered some of these beings myself. Just because someone is very good at conjuring doesn’t apply the same with energy, especially much darker energy. You could end up with a BA spirit without even realizing it, like in my case, so it’s something to be aware of.

I totally agree with Keriix. It's important to ask each practitioner you're interested in how they define demons and BA. This way, you can understand the types of beings they're working with. Knowing their perspective helps clarify things and gives you a better idea of what to expect.

My BA entity doesn’t seek any kind of compensation like mcm442 mentioned above, they’re here just for companionship like everyone else, nothing more. This isn’t the case for all BA entities or spirits, though, and you can’t really predict their behavior either. People share a lot of experiences with BA beings that can be both true and false at the same dang time.

Why? Because it all hinges on the specific BA being you have, and even you and your conjurer, and the rest of people who actually keep a BA being might not fully understand the next BA being either. Each experience is unique, and you can’t always tell if they have bad intentions until it’s too late. That’s one of the risks of having a BA being, which raises the question: can your conjurer genuinely guarantee that they’re benevolent? (They can't, even if they assure you to the moon and back)

My BA entity is what I’d call a "true BA being." Meaning they don’t care about life or death, yours or anyone else’s in the Keep. Yet, they're working with a higher purpose, so they're not like that at all, despite being a true BA being. And this is something very, very, very different. Other BA beings can be flip flopping. One day they can be friendly, and the next, not so much. Just as I mentioned above, you might not see their true nature coming. And can you be sure that the others in the Keep will notice any changes in them?

Let’s take the same hypothetical example of your Ashura. If he can pull someone's muscles, any of my lighter DA beings could break a leg, making recovery take a long time. The goal is the same to what your Ashura wants, but the outcome is very different and potentially more damaging. With my BA entity? They might disable that leg instead, leaving someone unable to use it at all, or causing them to walk awkwardly even after physical therapy. The main question is: do you understand how deeply such an injury could impact your life? Does your Ashura understand the impact it has on you at all? You might not realize how even a simple muscle pull could change something for you, let alone something much worse.

When it comes to my experiences with my BA entity, I can’t share much because they are very private, just like most of the beings in my life. People generally don’t open up about their own experiences, and even if you hear one story, or all that you can read, it doesn’t mean yours will be the same. My BA entity interacts and works with my WA entities in my Keep. They actually hang out and help each other out too. However, I can’t say the same (and can't vouch) for other BA entities and spirits.

The dynamics in my Keep are very unique. Between my BA entity and my WA Angel, I often say on the forum that my WA Angel is the one you should be cautious of, not the other way around. I’m serious, I'm not even joking. My BA entity is like any of my WA entities, while my WA Angel is more of a “demon,” mainly for the things they can do. In my Keep, things aren’t always black and white. Because my BA entity is like that, it doesn't mean anybody's BA spirit will be similar.

My experience with my being is like a fantasy to many, so I often think it doesn't count. 99 other stories about BA beings and their bound or unbound companions end in tragedy, but mine ain't one. That doesn't mean your experience will be the same. There's a specific reason why this being has come to me, but I can't share it. Because of that, they are very different than the rest of BA beings. Hence I’m not looking to take on another BA being at all.

Finding a good BA spirit is rare, about one in 5,000 to 6,000 chances, while a good BA living entity is even less likely, around one in 7,000 to 8,000 chances. I don’t want to be a hypocrite by telling people not to pursue BA beings since I happen to work with one too. The irony is too much to bear. Lol. But I understand the curiosity. No amount of caution will deter some people. Just remember, you've been given plenty of warnings about potential consequences in these threads.

Are you ready to take that tiny, tiny a** chance out of thousands and be completely sure your potential BA beings will be benevolent? Your choice.

I completely agree with Ash's reasons for not keeping a BA. Even my own BA entity has mentioned that others shouldn't work with one either.

P.S. No one’s going to hand you information on a silver platter, especially about protection. It’s important to check in with your Keep for clarity. What do they really want you to discover here out of all places? Your Keep is very vague on giving these recommendations and it's not the first time they do that. Take some time to reflect on everyone’s feedback, and then have another chat with your Keep.

[Zaeryliss]

I have to agree with Mcm in the statement that: there isn’t a true solution to dealing with them, especially if you decide to forge a connection with them in the first place.

My advice would be: prevention is better than treatment. Don’t be in the position to NEED a solution. Rather, invest your efforts into instead bonding with a spirit that can respect house rules, genuinely cares about you and your keep AND be a big mean brute towards any sort of malevolent force. As well as establish some pretty solid protection methods of your own.

I can’t imagine having a “bond” with a BA spirit would be anything more than transactional anyway. Personally, I’m someone who likes finding friends in the spirits I have in my keep, not someone who solely sees me as a resource or simply… a means to an end.

[mcm442]

I want to point out something important about @Tarvos posts, since it inherently kinda gives a green light on the subject, (and he isn't wrong, to be clear).

Besides being experienced himself, Tarvos has an EXTENSIVE keep that is well versed in dealing with BA beings--corralling, neutralizing, and doing away with them, most likely on a daily basis. Be assured that his BA being is being 'vetted' by a multitude of knowledgeable entities 24/7--and they will probably never stop keeping an eye on them. If something goes wonky, ever, it won't even take a full breath for them to rectify the situation. A handful or even a few dozen companions devoted to the task won't be enough to insure safety.

Also to note, he has happened across something considered quite rare, and is not something you can just go out and find--and such a being does not 'entice with the offer' either. There is a form of 'compensation' being done, (for want of a better term) but it is in a universal aspect that isn't for open discussion.

I'm doubling down on my recommendation for you to stow your curiosity until much farther in the future--you run the risk with so little experience or protections in place to engage any further--that will truly be playing with the wrong side of a razor at this point in time.

Believe me, I feel you, to be honest. I've been poking lots of 'tigers', lol. Not trying to be a downer, but this is a dangerous road that doesn't really need to ever be trod, even for 'the knowledge'.

[Adair]

This tells you all you need to know.

viewtopic.php?f=245&t=20345

To me a CH classified BA being is like a violent sociopathic psychopath who's far bigger stronger and malevolent than you and is uncontrollable by most people. Their inherent nature is to cause harm not only to you but to all those dear to you too.

I think it's worth asking ourselves why Creepy Hollows, the founders of modern spirit keeping, don't offer Black Arts beings. The answer is spelt out very clearly in that article.

A truly BA being is not a test of courage or mettle, it's a disaster that experts like CH find themselves called upon to save people from.

DA spirits should be enough if you want to go darker. Black is the other side of that.

...All of this is as per CH's definitions; no one else's.

I second what Alaric has said here.

To add, I was just like you years back now, and I got what I thought I wanted. Let me be clear - there is nothing nice about having a true BA being. Luckily, CH helped me, and I was able to deal with it before it became a real problem. Ash is absolutely right in that there is no reason to ever keep them. In saying that, @Tarvos is in an extremely unique position and I recommend you listen to what he has said.

[Star1498]

Hi ! I hope that you are having a great day !! Seeing your post it reminded me of how was in the past. I used to be very foolish, seeing that there is goodness and kindness in all beings, Even in the darkest and blackest shade. Because of that, and not being able to they signs, I got an experience that showed me to stay away from DA entities who arent companions , infernal deities and BA entities and deities who have DA concepts. It is a big mistake to humanize otherwordly entities and to think they experience emotions and other social structures like we use to do

I really recommend you to stay away from being near a BA . In my next post I willl tell my experience, as you want to hear stories going wrong with BA. The only difference with my case, is that it was a DA deity and that with the help of someone (with also giving a hefty amount of $$) I was able to break free from the contract/connection with him. There was an agreement this deity accepted.

However, the process of getting help was very,,, long, dificult and complicated. This process took me years. Many people judge me and my situation.I got they typical "That cant be that deity, you can't have negative experiences with them .It is your fault. Are you sure you aren't dealing with bad discerning, tricksters, etc" and getting the typical and basic advice, that to the surprise of no one, it didn't help. These comments and the judging of the people felt horrible as i was suffering spiritual psychosis. Didn't wish for anyone to go through it. It's difficult to explains, but you don't knowwhat is right/wrong, real and unreal

Other people, would know it was real my situation but, they wouldn't put their hands on the fire for helping you as that action can bring them unessesary harm or bad luck to them Even My companions couldnt help me with this specific issue of wanting this deity out of my life (And they we're mad at me ) . Lastly, I only got 2 people who could kinda help me. One told me to straight up and talk directly to him and come to an agreement.The other one was the one I could pay for his help and dealing with the issue safetly. I m really grateful for having finding him, he was they one who, did this process and helped me to get away from him safetly , where no one of my loved ones was harmed in any way (spiritual, health, Physical, monetary, etc), to have no penalty for breaking they contract/Conection and for him never able to influence, be near me or interference in my life .It is very easily to get screwed over again with this type of process, so you need to be very specific.

And even with this safe process, I still got bad repercusiones after it was done. I got pain in my sciatic nerve (Mind you, I m in my 20s), I got a sever allergic reaction that sent me 2 times to the hospital over 3 days. I kinda joked How it wasnt as bad as the first time he did it, because the first time--) he tried to ---. While this time, even thought i had to go with a specialized allergies doctor, it was only a horribly body rash across my body.

Lastly, i have some type of post-traumatic stress.It is difficult to describe they impacto of it as I can been having a great time and then I see something or I have something that triggers me/reminds me of all of this and I have full panic attacks, a lot of stress, depressive episodes and a big low-confidence in myself. I still feel this experience and that DA deity took a part of me, my spark and i hadn't been able to be the same . In the present time, I'm alright and still healing. I don't have any more bad luck or bad situations like the ones I previously mentioned. My pain has been manageable and now it is rare when it comes

The difference with a BA is that no matter what, it will never let you go unless, you eliminate it.I believe that isn´t easy. Furthermore, how easily they deceive you for their own gain/enjoyment. This BA deity was really good at it and it got fun with me.

So yeah, be careful and don't venture into meeting BA

[Star1498]

For my story, I will try to not go into a lot of details. I still feel embarrassed at it, its just after analysed my situation multiple times,I came to the conclusion this deity tok advantage of my need of validation and love. That deity was really clever and very manipulating as it knew how to take advantage of when I was vunerable, how was able to build my trust and how well it first treat me. It knew how to say beautiful things and how to calm me even, in my most sad moments. That's why it took me 2 years to discover his deceivin, because I never expected to be hurt and betrayed by him.
DA would be nice to you, but then one day , can go back at you out of nowhere.I m referring to unbound or those who aren't companions

However, going back to the story.I was really vunerable and I got a reading from a reliable practicioner that this infernal deity was reaching me out. I researched, worked a lot on protections, how to properly ground, cleanse and how to call him. I did reach him out to him and through divination, I could confirm he wanted to work with me. I started working and learning. I knew I was succesfully working with the real deal, as my sleep paralysis stopped. One of the things I asked was protection and dealing with this specific issue. My companions even though they loved me and where present, couldn't never got me to stop suffering it. Sure, it was way less than before.

Fast forward, One night out of the blue I was meditating with this deity and I heard him very clear and loudly. He propose me a type of agreement. I don't want to tell the details of it. He wanted to be more closer to me and have a more, close relationship with me. I at first, couldn't believe those words or what he said, so I told him a couple of times "No". It was something very fantastic, He, of course got annoyed at my answer and surprised I didn't accept it. I double confirm it myself and I payed 2 different people for that confirmation. It told me I heard him right and then something along the lines that there was a better option than rejecting his offer. That there was nothing to fear. That if I accepted him, my life would be filled with blessings

After some time, I decided to accept it. I was so dumb.. I then later wrote the agreement and put my blood. LoL It sounds so astonishing how I was very foolish and bold to trust someone like that. But i was fond of him and he really didnt asked me something really sinister. Only to love him and work through him. If you guessed right, you know what I m talking about... After that, my life suddenly made a 180 twist. My living environment improved a lot. It was as if I entered an easy mode on life. I don't want to give a lot of details of my private life.However, the people who where mean to me suddenly stopped bothering me, I started to have improved psychic abilities(I could hear him with telepath) and I was feeling very confident and empowered. It was strange all of it.

I don't remember well the timeframe, but I think i worked with him for 2 - almost 3 years (like 2 and 10 months?).However, things at the end started to get ugly. They were always signs.They where times where I couldn't feel him as he was or it was very weak. In some readings I got the 7 of swords, and 10 of swords. And Oracle deck would pop the card "deceiving". In 2 instances I got attacked. One was an underling of him, who later he took care and was telling me how it was a mistake of that underling. Another time, he was the one who did it.

I felt something was wrong, like he wasn't the same as he first was.He was sometimes very complacent and was very out of character. I couldn't communicate with him and I felt he wasn't being direct. I was also working with a kind deity and it felt very weird how he ( and the infernal deity Asmodeus ) was telling me to not trust him since, he wasn't from the same pantheon as them. This deity never gave me a sign to distrust him.So, I went with a specialized priestess for channelings.One that had experience with infernals. I know some people will get mad at me for going to someone else and not doing the job, but, for me it gave me clarity on the issue. It was also something that wasn't cheap. During these channelings, I felt his energy and him coming through. We talked the issue. He told me how he was real and so my experiences with him and the agreement I did with him: the special connection.

Please don't judge me for the next part, or be unconsiderated with me. I know I shouldn't had meddle or trusted with a Goetic.....

However, in the eyes of this deity I was the one who was at fault and who was wrong. Since I never told him my boundaries nor what was right or wrong for him to do, that this whole situation was my fault. I accidentally called/created an egregore of him... He was heartbroken at it and how I wasn't able to discern him from the real one. So he never communicated the issue , NEVER, Soo he decided that for those 2 and 10 months, that i should had discerned and found the egregore, deal with him and choose him. The thing is that, what was real and what was not from all this situation? I mean, did this deity truly was fond of me Did I faked all? With whom I spended my time and did that deity truly loved me as he said What I did was real or fake? I broke down in tears. Funny enough, during that time I was reading something that aligned with this concept. A prince who was having a double identity and kinda romancing the protagonist with these 2 identities. They were always signs, but, with rose pink glasses I couldn't see the red flags. After that, this deity told me that unless I learned my lesson that he would never contact me for a long time after that day. I also got from myself and that channeling that the Asmodeus deity left me too as it didn't want to work with me until I resolved this.

So I know what I did next, is so wrong but, honestly I really didn't care and up to this date I don't regret it .

I summoned him at my place as this was the last day I would see I'm for a while. I told him unpleasant things and the truth, that if he had all the fun with this chaos and situation If he was done having fun with me That he was the winner and that I was the loser of his game. That he did it. He broke me down into being crazy. That even after the situation you wanted me to be devoted, fond of you I told him to never ever, be near me. That he shouldn't bother me with him coming back after I learned my lesson, that i never wanted him him be present in this lifetime. To stay away and to let things be that way.that I break my agreement with him. I felt a rushed energy, frantically and sad/angry
I then later did some smoke cleansing. I went back to sleep and saw him

[Star1498]

Im trying to write it all in one go, but, I m kinda feeling shakey with my hands . I don't know why it still affects so much and scares me . Its been a long time ago and I know I m alright now.

So yeah he appeared in my dream, he was in company with another demon who glare so bad. It was like some really sharp daggers and a glare that wanted me so dead.
So this deity was slowly walking towards me and then grabbed softtly my hands, he was holding them and was then looking directly into my eyes. He was telling me how we needed to talk, but, I feel a horrible, a horrible feeling inside me. Something telling me I wasn't safe. So I grabbed some strength, pushed him and his grip loosened on me and I was yelling him " Leave me alone, you won"
I woke up and then, I fell asleep and didn't dream of him. The next day, I also told him to please leave me alone in exchange for him to take away everything he gave to me, to take away the blessings. That i wanted to be free of him

Unfortunately I didn't knew, what was coming for me.... I couldn't meditate nor bond with my companions. I couldn meditate withouth him entering by worse multiple times in my headspace. Also, do you remember how I talked about the egregore? Yeah, lets not forget him because for a couple of months he was being horrible... He would had my energy drain, He would be a strong voice I could never stop hearing him.Pleading for forgiveness and how it loved me as for what I am. There were times of silence, but,they were very sparse. I would get very distracted and I was not very present. It was the start of my spiritual psychosis . They were times I couldn't sleep, I was hearing his voice during the day, and then at one moment, it became more voices.Sounds that blur .That you hear but then not understand. Then from the forgiveness, it would become a very negative voice and he then spiritual attacked me. I was again feeling depressed and with low confidence.
I had to beg my companions for their help in these. As they weren't helping me at first, they were very much a"you can handle this situation" . I really cried a lot to them for their help. I know it was my fault for being in this situation and how, with having been working with this deity I wasn't focusing on them. So I try to not be harsh on them for not helping me quick. They could very much just let me suffer and to not help me.

Things started to slowly be more bearable and the, it became days weeks, where I couldn't hear anything spiritual. It was a blessing. I still felt his energy and I couldn't meditate as the egregore would appear and be very,, violent. I stopped doing activities and spiritual things and contacting with companions. I stopped practicing everything and doing all. Things were starting to look better for me. I was focusing again and I felt , even though crazy, that i was more stable and focusing more on my mundane life helped me a lot.

It would had been great if things had just ended that way ... However.. things don't always go that way
My parents who are the only family I have and that i m very closed to. They decided to fly for a month and leave me alone. Honestly, I was pretty chill at it. I had been living alone and I knew hot to take care of myself

Well small thing.. is that at the second week after they left. I started to had some pretty horrible experiences. I decided to dye my hair, I had done this before and I never got any issue. I dyed my hair multiples times. After going to a hair salon and seeing that the fantasy hair dye didn't last for 2 days. I decided to buy a dye and do it myself. I did it and when I was falling asleep I notice I was having signs of a intense allergy reaction
I got an allergic reaction where, even though I took some pills . My throat was starting to close down. I didn't had any rash except that my face was all red.I was completly alone. My friends of the city where pretty far away of where I lived and myy other relatives too. So I had no choice than to pull myself together, grab my ovaries and drive myself to the hospital. I got some medicine and could cry and sleep in my house peacefully. I then with the help o a friend, she took out my hair dye with lots of showering and shampooing of head and shoulders.

Then after t almost got a car accident and having a really bad crash, the next day after that one of the tires of my car suddenly popped in one of the streets of the city I lived. Finally, the emergency money I had , mysteriously didn't last for 2 weeks. It was a months salary.

I then cried a lot again and after that horrible week. I started finally to have some peace. I later contacted the priestess that channeled the deity and told me I was pretty lucky that I didn't died because usually that's what those goetic deitites do. That I should be grateful that goetic deity truly loved me as I was still alive. Thats honestly, is so horrible to say to someone..

I then decided to stay away from all metaphysical stuff. This era lasted for 2 years. It really helped mean lot and the egregore slowly started to disappear.It took for him to disappear like 8 months - 1 year. I don't have a good time line as things get a bit blurry.

After that time, I got into a car accident and I miraculously got unharmed and my car was still functioning. I then realized those where my companions and I started to open myself with them. I also had to start all over my practice and my senses.

Again everything looked alright and things were going smoothly. I though I was free of this deity
Until,I was feeling mentally great, I was developing my psychic senses again and then I felt his energy in my space.I was heavely focused on divination.. It is very dificult for me to forget that energy. I also, relied in my companions and asked about the situation.Well it resulted that i was still with an agreement with this deity and I was connected to him. He would appear to me in visions periodically.... I remember one time, I was being afraid of being dragged into hell and more if this deity was coming out for me .I feel his energy and how he was hugging me. It was horrible...I cried again. I really though I got this situation over. I couldn't allow myself to go through what I did in the past. I could only feel his energy in my space, It was weird.... The lucky thing it was that esporadical.It really traumatized me how after that infernal deity broke me down, the moment I was better and stable, It got back to appearing in my life.... I after stumble across those 2 persons I mentioned before and, well the story I told in my first post.

I after this experience, don't work with deities...The future companions I got, where heavenly focused on protection. I also took the time to restructure, work and bond with my companions. To re-learn in trusting them.It was a difficult process. As I learned I had someDA companions who, they came from,, unreliable shops and were draining my energy constantly, making me have mood swings and where toying with me, I got those unbound.LOl the importance of vetting and having to place your fate in trusted and reliable conjurers. I also, had some demon companions who surprisingly they become my closest friends lol, even though I would never be near a Goetic.

So yeah ,, please be mindful and do not go calling BA entities. Even DA ones. If you want the experience, you can get some companions who are a very dark shade of DA from a very trusted conjurer.
They have real consequences, and having someone to guide you and help you is very, very difficult.

[Keriix Lunaria]

Thank you for sharing your experiences Star It will really help others to understand just how bad it can be to work with BA beings, and how hard it is to extricate themselves once that connection has been made.

Blessings from the Universe to you.

[mysticat]

Omg Obsidian I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you're no longer with this deity anymore.

Yes, it's very important to clearly outline the terms and conditions of an agreement. Think about a legal contract. A cunning businessman might sneak a loophole into the contract, and someone who's not a lawyer may not be able to spot it

Sometimes, like in Obsidian's case, the spirit does care to a certain extent and felt betrayed by what they deemed a betrayal, but to us was not. This is called blue and orange morality (you can google it, the TV Tropes page explains it well) where the spirit has priorities that we, as humans, do not.

Honestly, I feel like it's possible, and I do work with DA . I myself work with some spirits that some people would consider BA (what people consider BA is a whole thing for another time, lol). I have had good and bad experiences both, and while I would say that it's worth it for me, I would not recommend this to anyone because it's very easy for everything to go downhill

If you must, you must be extremely cautious with what you're agreeing to, the relationship is mostly business/contractual, and you must have the ability to ground, cleanse, ward, centre and banish. More than that, your mind must be strong, because if you have doubts that you did not do a good job in banishing, then you will leave an opening invite that spirit back.

I know that people mostly dissuade others from pursuing BA. But if you're going into it, make sure you heed the warnings, make sure you can do the basics well, and if you do mess up, then it's your mess to clean up and not others'.

[Tarvos]

@Star1498 I'd totally advise against having people working with very dark DA. That's not something I'd recommend someone just to get into lightly. There's a lot to it that I can't mention here. And if you read my experience shared above, I was looking for a specific DA spirit. The very, very trusted conjurer in the community gave me the description of a “DA living entity." We realized the being was actually BA when we interacted with them after they were bound. Luckily, this specific entity actually came forward to poke the seller for me. If they were a different BA living entity, I'm not sure how my experience would go. Probably a little less than your nightmare. So I'm thankful nothing like that has happened.

Hence I'm totally against the ‘if you want the experience, go with a darker DA’ type of thing. I advise against ‘the experience’ or whatever it is people want to try out. Nothing good comes with it. It's dangerous water. And the risks grow depending on the entity you encounter, especially if you unknowingly got a bad one. It’s simply not worth it.

I genuinely feel for you that the other practitioners you turned to didn’t believe your experiences. We're internet strangers, but I do believe you. Because those incidents were all the workings of the deity.

Practitioners can assure you this being, that being comes with good intentions. If things go wrong, they can unbind the binding/channel/portal for you. Can they really make up for all the sleepless nights and fear you face? The answer is no, they can’t. They can't erase the impact of a bad experience.

Back then, it wasn't a calling for you. The conjurer was in collaboration with the deity, and when they work together, the deities sometimes express interest in clients or friends for various reasons, some good, some not so much. So, be cautious of any conjurer who insists that you have a deity calling. They're just deities that the conjurers are connected to, coming forward for their own purposes.

I really hope you can trust your companions. I didn't want to comment, but I changed my mind. I wanted to share something because you didn't know this. It wasn't that your companions didn't help you back then. It was that their help was blocked by the deity. And that is a very different thing. You can’t hold them responsible for something beyond their control. They tried to help. A lot.

Think of it like this. You usually receive texts from your friends, and one day they get worried and flood your phone with messages and missed calls, even coming over to check on you, etc. But if your phone had zero signal and your door was locked tight on the inside, their concern wouldn’t reach you at all. It’s a way to help visualize what really happened when you thought help never came. Help did come, but it didn't quite reach you. I hope you'll find a way to move on from this.