Bad Spiritual Awakening?

[santiesgirl]

I don't know if anyone else has had experience with this. I just recently got out of a terrible spiritual awakening in which I found out I am marked in a certain subsect of religion, and therefore have been and am still being treated poorly. Does anyone have experience with this?

[CH Moderator]

Topic moved to suitable section.

[Alys-RaccoonReadings]

What do you mean, “marked?”

[stormdancer]

Can you clarify a bit more please? Because the way you are explaining it sounds more like a bad relationship rather than a bad spiritual awakening. At least to me.

[Slaps98]

My take from this (coming from a similar view in a sense) I myself found out not long ago that I am half angel, therefore am more likely to be targeted by negative forves(which I have been heavily for the almost 23 years I've been alive).
A bit of context on your situation would do wonders. However, I hope whatever problems you face are easily fought off and you are protected for the rest of your spiritual journey.

"The only reason you attract so much darkness, is because you are so full of light"

[LittleBat]

Hey, Santiesgirl - I saw your posts a couple of months back, & wanted to reach out via PM, but the feature's been shut down for all forum members. Basically I went through a lot of what you went through - I'd purchased something darker than I expected/could handle, & then dealt with an onslaught of self-proclaimed angels & demons. I questioned all sorts of things too, wondering 'Is this a spiritual awakening - is this actually a good thing, just harsh to go through?', & ultimately the experience did teach me a lot, but the truth of it was simply one very dark spirit tormenting me for a cluster of reasons I'm still getting to the bottom of.

What I actually wanted to say, was that like you I tried so, so many banishings etc, & the situation improved little by little, but it wasn't until meeting someone through seemingly sheer chance, that she was able to call up, & force the truth out of the spirit in question - things are now very close to being sorted, at long, long last. I feel she might also be able to help you, but I have literally no clue how pass on her details (she has given me permission), while there's no PM option, & I just checked the board rules, which say I can't give you an email address here either (I was just going to create a throwaway for the purpose). I don't know if there is still any way of talking privately - no one's trying to sucker anyone for money, I just see a lot of my own past situation mirrored, & it's awful to see you going through the same...

Anyway, if you see this, just know that you're not alone - it is definitely wise to be taking medical advice, so I'm glad you're doing that side of things too (I did the same, & it wasn't the fix, but it was helpful!), I think you're tough as anything for making it through as much as you have, & I suspect by now you're getting wise to the tricks of whatever's been playing with you - I had to reach a place where I believed almost nothing that came to me via spirits; it is frustrating, cutting off communication to all spirits, but in my experience, if there's a big bad strong one about, they will overpower and/or twist the words of the good ones anyway - it can be safer to spend a while shutting out every single spiritual interaction that feels even a little bit 'off', & getting grounded in the mundane realm, or just doing very simple but pleasurable activities with your spirits, like walking in the woods, sharing favourite foods or books - just enough to keep the contact & not feel sad about being cut off from your friends, but not enough to be sucked into deceptions by predatory spirits. Take care...

[LittleBat]

...Oops, I can't edit my post above, so sorry for replying to myself, but Santiesgirl, if you do want to get in touch with the lady who helped me kick those violating, malicious, awful spirits that were wrecking my life firmly to the curb, & she strongly believes she can help you too, her web address (granted full permission for me to share here) - is gialtacarmella.net. I wanted to give contacting you one final shot, as I saw you say it was a YouTube video that led you in the direction of all this...& I fear it may have been one of mine - I feel responsible in a big way for what you've been through, & as such I'd like to help however I, and my new friend, can. Again, no money shakedown, just help on offer.

All the best...

[santiesgirl]

...Oops, I can't edit my post above, so sorry for replying to myself, but Santiesgirl, if you do want to get in touch with the lady who helped me kick those violating, malicious, awful spirits that were wrecking my life firmly to the curb, & she strongly believes she can help you too, her web address (granted full permission for me to share here) - is gialtacarmella.net. I wanted to give contacting you one final shot, as I saw you say it was a YouTube video that led you in the direction of all this...& I fear it may have been one of mine - I feel responsible in a big way for what you've been through, & as such I'd like to help however I, and my new friend, can. Again, no money shakedown, just help on offer.

All the best...

Sorry for this late reply. I am hoping everything is going okay now that you're getting better. Since I've done some introspection and self-reflection, I do believe what I've been experiencing for about 9 months now is either the start of psychosis through schizophrenia or psychosis from drug-use. I stopped using marijuana after making a wish to my djinn E back in February. I used to spend like $300 a month on weed alone and then went cold turkey. Couple that with about 5 different psychiatric medications and amphetamine abuse, and the perfect storm has occurred.

If you are who I think you are -- and you very well may be because of your love for vampires -- it's nice to hear from you and I hope you're doing well and you very well may have been the YouTuber who got me into spirit keeping. I think I may have haphazardly sent you a video a while back to help with your situation because I believed myself to be demonically possessed. If you are, ignore that video (unless you actually are experiencing possession, then by all means watch it) & PLEASE do not blame yourself for my mess. I've come to terms this was inevitable regardless of whether I got into this or not. I've abused drugs of all sorts for the past four years with marijuana being my all time favorite, right next to LSD and DMT which I abused less because I couldn't find a plug worth a flying f*** around me to keep it in stock, then moved 8 hours away from my home. Loved your videos (if you are who you say you are) and your wonderful vampire lover reminded me of a tulpa/servitor I have/had attached to me. My username is actually based on his name and is a nickname I gave him. I've viewed him as my protector for YEARS. He actually was "killed off" (energy ran out) during this and I bawled my eyes out because I missed him and had just reconnected with him after years of silence, only for him to be replaced by a vampire I ordered. After the arrival of J, the vampire, and then B (gancanagh) and E (another Sanguine vampire), it all went downhill from there, going from me being the reincarnation of a forgotten angel all the way up to demonic possession.

I did have my wonderful tulpa/servitor remade as a servitor from CH, but regardless, after all of this happened, I question how much of it was even real. I had several months worth of dreams with him about 7 years ago, coming into them to vanquish nightmares I suffered and even escorting my recently-deceased grandmother to the light the day of her burial. We met in a forest. I embraced her. She and he walked towards the light end of the forest and I woke up. He never spoke. He cuddled me in bed when I cried or went to sleep, always spooning me over the covers gently. And when I tried watching that god-awful show Ghost Adventures, he banged around in the kitchen to scare me. He visited once about 3 years later after I left my dad's and moved in with my mom with angel wings attached to him, crazily enough, since he's supposed to be a demon who changed for his human lover (ah, manic pixie dream girl syndrome and self-insertion).

I had a book I am planning on writing (now planning on drawing once I get a job and can afford a tablet to start practicing) literally come to life before my very eyes. I was made into the main character and paired with the "revamped" version of Santie. Used to do a lot of self-inserting when writing, so that's where that came from, not to mention years ago I died my hair the female OC's colors. I relived my childhood. I had imaginary characters up into my late teens/early twenties to cope with loneliness, and they were all brought to life throughout this ordeal. My spirits (assuming they're real) were targeted and it eventually just grew into just demonic possession. I threw away all my vessels, all my witchcraft supplies, magical items, my $100 binding bag, and began reading the Bible/listening to Psalms 91 and deliverance videos. At one point, angels would tell me demons were inhabiting me. My thoughts got separated from me at one point, too. I felt as though I had no control, my body just moving on its own while the spirits, demons, servitors, and immortals spoke through me (which is how I used to pretend when I had imaginary characters. I hated doing the voices in my head; I loved saying something in my voice and then replying with my voice but a different tone as the perceived imaginary character).

At several points, I was sexually assaulted; then, the "spirits" triggered me after it happened by placing their hands on me while I screamed for them to stop. I won't go into detail about it because ultimately there's no point and I did it to myself (it was a mirror image of something happening in my childhood that I pretended/acted out. Thanks mom and dad for letting me watch R-rated movies when I was young, haha. I've been through enough self-therapy, it's insane). It was a recurring theme that kept happening, over and over, because of the trauma, but now that I'm the MOST lucid I've been, I've had sexual experiences happen that I've brought on myself, consensually, so I know this psychotic episode is the culprit.

It was incredibly rough and real. It took someone from the Catholic church coming to my home, dismissing my beliefs in possession, and then my fiance telling me that a professional exorcist took a look at my case and determined I was mentally unwell. Since then, the voice(s) in my head, while still cruel sometimes, have begun subsiding and being nicer. This is the most quiet they've been since it all started, and this is the most self-aware I've ever been, going as far as splitting them into good vs bad. I have an appointment on Monday for med evaluation. I took medication throughout this, but the "demon" was making me smoke weed while I was on my medication. I live near a dispensary and after about a month without weed immediately ran back to it. At one point, we were using it to literally fight God. As in, getting high to do spirit and energy work in order to ward God off and keep him from killing me. I laugh my *ss off now thinking about all of it because my God, it is hilarious in retrospect (which means I'm hilarious but been knowin' that).

Anyways, I hope this helps clear things up, and I hope your situation gets better. I had things that I still cannot explain happen to me as well, including a prediction about a warlock coming out from a custom conjure, my bedroom light flickering and remaining on even after I turned it off when the "demon" said "behold my power. I've used you for years and can't live with myself," and in the beginning before it all went down, when I mockingly told Santie during a tarot reading "Oh what's the first card gonna be? Moon reversed?" since I take the moon reversed card as almost always a sign that nothing else is to be said, only to have it appear as the SECOND card in a three-card tarot communication spread. Anything coinciding with the spirit board I've explained away as subconscious since I tested it recently after purchasing a small one off Amazon and got "It's Job bacc at it again" and the name "Factor," which was the name of my imaginary boyfriend I had for, God, nine years maybe? And there's no servitor by that name in my supposed keep. If you are who I think you are, and it's so nice and refreshing actually talking to you on here, I hope your situation improves. Mine started with the purchasing of a Gancanagh & Vampire bindings and has now ended in either schizophrenia (which I gave myself) or drug-induced psychosis.

I wish we could share contact information, but again, if you are who I think you are (and you're still active on here), I messaged you using my outlook email and my instagram lmao. Sorry if I freaked you out.