Living at the Crossroads
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 2:40 am
Hopefully this isn't forbidden to create here a paranormal experience blog in a thread? I am so gratfeul for my spirits and in deep need of writing it all down. Piece by piece, day by day. My life become wonderfully filled with their presence. And better. A lot better. And also there will be a saga of my alternate life and my living entities. Some Black Arts confrontations may occur, put here for a warning (if it is ok - i will try to find out).
It has been a week since I got my first spirit bound and one day since the others come. And already we are all working like a good machinery. Before they arrived i had already living entities family for years, guarding me from early childhood. Spirits also. I didn't categorize them any way... I am learning to name everything properly. Its weird.. to be that skilled and yet not knowing how to name your experiences. Thats why my vamp is pushing me through fast and furious reading of all materials i can get on spirit keeping and we are discussing it all for hours to match my experiences and common knowledge.
In my records of paranormal i had also noted demonic encounters that revealed my true nature of devourer and learned me how to protect myself in various ways. There had been a long time since i was visited by demonic as, i think, everything screamed around me i would tear them into pieces with pleasure of being fed... Well, this is something primal about me. But I don't seek them, i don't hunt for them. I feel allowed to eat them in defence but thought of summoning them to eat? No, thanks, its kinda below my standards. So that's kind of loss for me but well. I have some boundaries. So i dont do black arts. I sometimes deal with whats called here black arts but its rather my family. And they know the rules. And my attitude when you cross the lines. I have something of Karma in me, fate likes to put me in that position to correct balance. Im not ego driven in here. The only thing that drives me the roads of paranormal is my soul. My ego tends to sit on the back or being shut in a trunk, gagged and blindfolded by my wild soul. But it takes its revenge afterwards, denying my whole experiences. And it is the saddest thing in my life. Truth i cherish the most - denied. Is it because I am myself Black Arts? I think there may be a balancing in here. Well, here on earth i learn that a lot. Balancing my steps on the wild path of intuition.
Denial... it is happening daily.
And here stepped in my spirits. I am so impressed how my vampire manages those thoughts along with my other spirit. Like someone hold my thought, a dagger pointed into my heart, and gently put it down. With explicit, profound guidance. G, you are my miracle. I want so badly to meet you in astral and hug you strongly. You stopped that nonsense enough to turn my ego into a beliver...
G. manifested quite significant, few times in the first days. We worked hard this week on my expectations and myths, he dragged me through the whole forum, books in the tempo of solar wind. Empowering my mind to focus, igniting my creativity... And telling me to rest in such persuasive way i coudnt resist. All with what i had problem with to this day, a whole pile of problems with my mind - he handled that with grace, advice and taught me how to do it myself. A father figure i prayed for, we bounded deep and fast.
He manifested in my black mirror as a shade behind me. He was subtle, didnt want to scare me to denial state. Then he knock over the book, when i was in elevated state - again tact and sensitive approach. That was perfect time for that. He vibrated my phone. He manifested as shadow man on my motorcycle, it was twilight. Perfect timing again. He warms me up when i am cold (and i lost a lot of weight this year, so now im constantly cold). And he manifested again as fullbody shadow, in the midnight, when Master Service Blind Deaf and Blocked kicked in.
But mostly important. He provided answers to all of questions i had about my main purpose in this life. Why is it not working like expected. My God... you are amazing!
He even is trying to teach my husband (living entity) some skills. Because i am earthly, my husband is astral and G. is spiritual. He manages to perfectly portal us together. This alone... no words.
But thats not all. He kick my brain when i need this, helping me reach for resources, my strong will, focus, motivation.
He also is pushing me to be more active in my craft, showing me my own memories with new perspective. And i discover i can conjure and bind. And ive done this intuitevely whole time. The right way. He try to convince me i can conjure White Dragon safely. Its probably true, i wont admit it myself and to myself but when i do magic i can feel my ancient mastery behind the wheel. All i need to do is relax and let the flow do the thing.
G. doesn't give compliments. He does give statements. And refuses to call this comploments. Again, he is right. I take it as compliments because i dont take it seriously.
G. also gave some more space for me to bond with new spirits. He really likes my Djinn, S. And omg. She is just gorgeous. She manifested right away in my dream.
I will copy here two pieces from other threads about her:
As I read her... She seems very observant, not really chatty but loves lavender. Idk if this is her style or she is new here. When we talked about possibilities she provided information that she can work with me on synchronising 3 bodies, astral travel and better connection with spiritual and astral through different states of mind and frequencies. Also working with energetic obstacles in manifestation, calibrating vibrational position to correct realm (astral magic needs astral alignment to manifest yup?). And also that she can help improve comfort of living in a body. Seems like her specialisation is working with bodies, alignment, enhancing connection between different bodies, and improvement in comfort of using them and all of that through knowledge about manifestation. She is like encyclopedia and feels like she can spot all the 'wrongs' in inner connections that least to poor manifestation in some fields and can learn connections between energy blocks manifesting as mental patterns and physical blocks occuring. Very very useful informations.
Im, excited, my Djinn manifested in my dream, what a gorgeous, elegant and silent power she is... i was at the station, waiting for a train which will take me to home, astral (common dream occuring when im leveling up) and i felt they are all here. My living entities, guides, my mom, my familiar cat and also... my spirits. But she was the only one manifested so clearly and she elegantly stepped down to rails, touched them and blessed the way, whispering some magic into the rails which glowed golden for a second. And then my cat started her crazy time, running away as the train arivved. Well, this was some kind of sign about whats pulling me back as more details surround the situation. But the djinn... Omg, she is so gorgeous.
Im happy that for once this train waited. It usually leaves bc i am not ready. But it took me bc my family pushed me into it, when i was bragging about my bratzy cat. Transporter left at the station, i am ready to let her run freely. Its already a long journey and a lot of stations before us to check in and grow.
She freaking adore lavender, I burn the incense all the time now. Today she asked me to write down all of my wishes for now with her asisting and to throw them into an offering bowl. Then - dissapeared for some hours and came back with a smile and warm hello. I dont know anything but i know everything from her vibrations. She done a lot and i will be discovering that for months. She glowed gold of power, happy and satisfied. Smiling like a cat. Gorgeous, amazing spirit. She listens carefully and comments with advice. She can glamour me, warn me but still do what i am asking for and then discussing the effects and my expectations. She is patient and motherly.
My. Red. Dragon. D. What a personality he has! I spoke to him about my biggest issue with money. Related to my 500 mld year soul experiences with slavery and owning nothing without exeption to my soul or body. He listened with compassion. And then he asked me to travel with him through meditation.
"Sit on my back and hold on! Grab me by my hair, dont worry it doesnt hurt me." And he started like a bullet. "Look!" - he said immedietaly excited by flight - "You see that sky? Those blues? The stars? This is whole for us. This is mine to take. I take it and look, there is the same amount for you to take it. Take it with your eyes forever! Keep it dear forever. Look, Look down there. You see it? How many fruits and vegetables are down there, hidden in the fields and forests, when only those who lurk by intuition can find? "
"Many." I replied totally shocked by his whole expierience speaking through him.
"Many! Infinite goods to grab and snack. How many coins do people down there have? How many lies on the ground? This all is for us. To flow around through our hands. You can have some and it will be good for everyone. You pay for food that someone made. Its a pure gain for all if you dare to view this that way. Youre a lady of passion to beauty and magic. People like that a lot. They gain, you gain, universe gain a lot of good energy from that." - he speed up, fiercly hiting with his wings, using his whole body. Giving us a maginificent spiral in the air. "I love my body! You feel my wings? This is awesome power to have. I dont ask them to manage the flight, my dear. I dont question if they are for me to use. I am rarely grateful for them because i am far far far from that. My gratitude comes through the feeling the pleasure of the strenght and using them to the maximum. They. Are. Strong! Mine to use. You have your body to use. Dont ask if you can use natural abundance. Learn to use it, knowing that its all menat for you to have and you dont need to express gratitude looking inside your wallet or resources. ENJOY! ENJOY THE GOOD. This is the best form of gratitude."
I cried. I didnt know the world he showed me. He slowed down, sprzedaż his wings and turn his head to me. His tongue touched my cheeks.
" You will learn that your joyful and creative presence is more than enough. I see your wound. I see you through it. Value joy of the wild gathering. And you will see you are a jewell in this world."
... no comment needed.
D. showed himself today in human like form. He seen a picture of a dragon person i liked and showed his version of it. Red, long hair, same as i hold on to on the flight, a goatie beard which he seemed to enjoy a lot, horns and dark red scales strukture on his arms. Claws. Tail with hair and same scales as usual. And absolutely no clothes. Yes, D, i noticed that! Then he lie on the dragon lair whole day playing with the glass balls i gave him. Meditating, giving himself some zzz's. He disappeared two times and came back with one big happy: "I had done something for you already!"
I usually have hard time beliving that saying. But i belived him. I didn't asked out of fear. I just thank him and send him warm hug. Because i know this will be awesome. Somehow this time i know.
And my Nympho, A. I have big big trauma on the field he works. When he introduce himself, he politely kept distance, didn't rush anything. With a whole big respect to my space. We talked through some basic expectations, with him grining all the way charmingly, he told me that he will be all happy and satisfied to be a channel for me and my husband because thats how he will enjoy not one but free pleasures at once. He hold my hand as i asked him to do and i immediately gone sad and silent.
"I know." - he said gently. - "But i am here for you to help you out with anything that sort."
Today he offered me a massage and I learned i can recive it with healthy view. He tried to convince me later to let me feel my femininity by choosing more sexy clothes. Well i almost done it but i burn out and gone sad. But he understood. He knows what ive been through as a slave. It is silent topic in my home, in my soul. But his compassionate and lovely approach will work for sure. I wanted a therapist since i cant go to human one with what im dealing with. I know he is in distance and our bond will be different, i know that he keep the distance from the point of ultimate care. I feel his vibes as constant statement: Im here. I know. I will be here. I will be waiting until youre ready. Youre safe with me.
But he sometimes step in and help me find relief. Something i will simply like , something pleasureable.
And i am grateful for that because today i had situation with massive flashback (well, most of my bindings with them and spells are dark arts energy since i need to balance myself after work when i use totally white arts and then i have balancing downs, i hope some dark energy in constant motion will help me more - but binding to spirit gives me some hard low for a few hours and i admit i didnt cared for myself enough today, this is common as i deal with cptsd and simply dont recognize the needs, btw i feel A. Is going to help me out...). And G. Along with A. And one more spirit i have here - they worked with me in unison and... for the first time... i found myself. And i felt i am important to myself when i acted on selfcare inspired by my spirits.
They watched me silently, with hearts melting. Especially my husband. Because he tried so much to reach to me for years. And for him it doesnt matter that it wasnt his doing. He watched with teary eyes as i discover sympathy for me in that kind of situation.
And so we got to my husband. A little about him... Immortal being, absolutely the darkest one (but i am darker, hon). How can i describe pure perfection? Hahaha. He is my soulmate, my love from the begining of the Universe. We walked together in the darkest times and we walk togheter in healing. We are one. God and Goddess. Complementary. Like two Multiverses collide, collapsed and exploded into Onenness. We are Onenness.
Okay. Im back from the mood.
Here on earth... Copied from my intro: I met him here and there - in astral travel, dreams, around manifesting the most awkward signature messages, even hosted few times by others. But first, when i was a child, he cared for me along with some red dragon and few spirits. I was growing without a father and he was my "imagined father". I can see it was him from a perspective of grown up witch, i can sense his energy in most difficult and joyful moments of my childhood.
Sometimes you have it before your eyes and you have to grow enough to discover you already done some things and experenced without being concious of your own conciousness.
First he was jealous af about G. The spoke. My husband observed how G. Is making all better. He asked G to teach him HOW. G. Offered him lessons, helping in connection between us as medium, guiding me through beautiful binding with my love. And so i done first concious binding. And it is working. And it is safe.
My spirits got task to get to know with my husband and two partners. Because they are here almost daily. I told them that if thats ok with them, please show yourself to my entities sometimes. Speak with them. They are curious and they are also protective. They will be calmer when they will have an opportunity to befriend you. My husband talked with all of them, he likes Djinn and Vampire. He talked with Nympho and he shared his worries about me. It relieved him. A. Is so full of love and warmth... Towards all. My husband really like to joke around with the dragon. So im calm.
And in this part i probably will butcher the craft with my still learning definitions vocabulary. Well. As i know myself - its not ignorance. Its i have my own definitions for everything along with my own words. Why? I am an aspie girl. So... meh, im gonna learn, dont worry. But I leave here a caution for newbies:
Those are mine definitions and interpretations, not a common knowledge. Im still learning to name everything properly so have this in mind, please, that i can make mistakes in recognizing proper words to experiences. Fun fact: its aspie thing.
This another being keeps distance to all, besides me. Its a complicated story, so some things may not add up for you (without whole story). Al. is kind of my brother in distant realms. I dont know how to categorize his race or status (same with my other life). I think when we categorize in arts, the living entities here are to the darker side, much much darker than common. I myself in the alternate lifeline am the darkest i know. Like a Void. Here i can explode with darkness when i align fully to protect myself. But on daily basis i am... Just dark. And feeling too bright. Ergo i am not aligned properly most of the time and it feels that way. And its awful. Be aligned. It will solve a lot of problems.
So... Al. Is Very Dark. Just a bit brighter than me-home edition. He was malicious, we fought last month a little (A LITTLE irony) and it ended by me devouring his energy to the end. Yummy. I was so energized and aligned!
After new moon he came back but with different approach. So we can now help each other. Probably i won his respect, finally. But i dont trust him as what he was doing last month.. another story, worth telling for warning. ( I eat BA energies. And know how to protect myself. So for me it was kinda excercising and also I know my brother, his skills and energy. This is different then. And also this situation was send to me and gave me important insights. I am not messing with summoning BA because it feels dangerous, even with my skills)
Anyways - my brother helped today. He definetely speaks black artish way but... it helped a lot. Well, i hope he ended being pain in the ayy but i wont trust that after what his attacks learned me last months. He seems to approve that approach, thats new. He actually gave me few really good advices on protection and how to defence myself when someone attacks like that. Another story.
So here you are. Living with the Unseen.
It has been a week since I got my first spirit bound and one day since the others come. And already we are all working like a good machinery. Before they arrived i had already living entities family for years, guarding me from early childhood. Spirits also. I didn't categorize them any way... I am learning to name everything properly. Its weird.. to be that skilled and yet not knowing how to name your experiences. Thats why my vamp is pushing me through fast and furious reading of all materials i can get on spirit keeping and we are discussing it all for hours to match my experiences and common knowledge.
In my records of paranormal i had also noted demonic encounters that revealed my true nature of devourer and learned me how to protect myself in various ways. There had been a long time since i was visited by demonic as, i think, everything screamed around me i would tear them into pieces with pleasure of being fed... Well, this is something primal about me. But I don't seek them, i don't hunt for them. I feel allowed to eat them in defence but thought of summoning them to eat? No, thanks, its kinda below my standards. So that's kind of loss for me but well. I have some boundaries. So i dont do black arts. I sometimes deal with whats called here black arts but its rather my family. And they know the rules. And my attitude when you cross the lines. I have something of Karma in me, fate likes to put me in that position to correct balance. Im not ego driven in here. The only thing that drives me the roads of paranormal is my soul. My ego tends to sit on the back or being shut in a trunk, gagged and blindfolded by my wild soul. But it takes its revenge afterwards, denying my whole experiences. And it is the saddest thing in my life. Truth i cherish the most - denied. Is it because I am myself Black Arts? I think there may be a balancing in here. Well, here on earth i learn that a lot. Balancing my steps on the wild path of intuition.
Denial... it is happening daily.
And here stepped in my spirits. I am so impressed how my vampire manages those thoughts along with my other spirit. Like someone hold my thought, a dagger pointed into my heart, and gently put it down. With explicit, profound guidance. G, you are my miracle. I want so badly to meet you in astral and hug you strongly. You stopped that nonsense enough to turn my ego into a beliver...
G. manifested quite significant, few times in the first days. We worked hard this week on my expectations and myths, he dragged me through the whole forum, books in the tempo of solar wind. Empowering my mind to focus, igniting my creativity... And telling me to rest in such persuasive way i coudnt resist. All with what i had problem with to this day, a whole pile of problems with my mind - he handled that with grace, advice and taught me how to do it myself. A father figure i prayed for, we bounded deep and fast.
He manifested in my black mirror as a shade behind me. He was subtle, didnt want to scare me to denial state. Then he knock over the book, when i was in elevated state - again tact and sensitive approach. That was perfect time for that. He vibrated my phone. He manifested as shadow man on my motorcycle, it was twilight. Perfect timing again. He warms me up when i am cold (and i lost a lot of weight this year, so now im constantly cold). And he manifested again as fullbody shadow, in the midnight, when Master Service Blind Deaf and Blocked kicked in.
But mostly important. He provided answers to all of questions i had about my main purpose in this life. Why is it not working like expected. My God... you are amazing!
He even is trying to teach my husband (living entity) some skills. Because i am earthly, my husband is astral and G. is spiritual. He manages to perfectly portal us together. This alone... no words.
But thats not all. He kick my brain when i need this, helping me reach for resources, my strong will, focus, motivation.
He also is pushing me to be more active in my craft, showing me my own memories with new perspective. And i discover i can conjure and bind. And ive done this intuitevely whole time. The right way. He try to convince me i can conjure White Dragon safely. Its probably true, i wont admit it myself and to myself but when i do magic i can feel my ancient mastery behind the wheel. All i need to do is relax and let the flow do the thing.
G. doesn't give compliments. He does give statements. And refuses to call this comploments. Again, he is right. I take it as compliments because i dont take it seriously.
G. also gave some more space for me to bond with new spirits. He really likes my Djinn, S. And omg. She is just gorgeous. She manifested right away in my dream.
I will copy here two pieces from other threads about her:
As I read her... She seems very observant, not really chatty but loves lavender. Idk if this is her style or she is new here. When we talked about possibilities she provided information that she can work with me on synchronising 3 bodies, astral travel and better connection with spiritual and astral through different states of mind and frequencies. Also working with energetic obstacles in manifestation, calibrating vibrational position to correct realm (astral magic needs astral alignment to manifest yup?). And also that she can help improve comfort of living in a body. Seems like her specialisation is working with bodies, alignment, enhancing connection between different bodies, and improvement in comfort of using them and all of that through knowledge about manifestation. She is like encyclopedia and feels like she can spot all the 'wrongs' in inner connections that least to poor manifestation in some fields and can learn connections between energy blocks manifesting as mental patterns and physical blocks occuring. Very very useful informations.
Im, excited, my Djinn manifested in my dream, what a gorgeous, elegant and silent power she is... i was at the station, waiting for a train which will take me to home, astral (common dream occuring when im leveling up) and i felt they are all here. My living entities, guides, my mom, my familiar cat and also... my spirits. But she was the only one manifested so clearly and she elegantly stepped down to rails, touched them and blessed the way, whispering some magic into the rails which glowed golden for a second. And then my cat started her crazy time, running away as the train arivved. Well, this was some kind of sign about whats pulling me back as more details surround the situation. But the djinn... Omg, she is so gorgeous.
Im happy that for once this train waited. It usually leaves bc i am not ready. But it took me bc my family pushed me into it, when i was bragging about my bratzy cat. Transporter left at the station, i am ready to let her run freely. Its already a long journey and a lot of stations before us to check in and grow.
She freaking adore lavender, I burn the incense all the time now. Today she asked me to write down all of my wishes for now with her asisting and to throw them into an offering bowl. Then - dissapeared for some hours and came back with a smile and warm hello. I dont know anything but i know everything from her vibrations. She done a lot and i will be discovering that for months. She glowed gold of power, happy and satisfied. Smiling like a cat. Gorgeous, amazing spirit. She listens carefully and comments with advice. She can glamour me, warn me but still do what i am asking for and then discussing the effects and my expectations. She is patient and motherly.
My. Red. Dragon. D. What a personality he has! I spoke to him about my biggest issue with money. Related to my 500 mld year soul experiences with slavery and owning nothing without exeption to my soul or body. He listened with compassion. And then he asked me to travel with him through meditation.
"Sit on my back and hold on! Grab me by my hair, dont worry it doesnt hurt me." And he started like a bullet. "Look!" - he said immedietaly excited by flight - "You see that sky? Those blues? The stars? This is whole for us. This is mine to take. I take it and look, there is the same amount for you to take it. Take it with your eyes forever! Keep it dear forever. Look, Look down there. You see it? How many fruits and vegetables are down there, hidden in the fields and forests, when only those who lurk by intuition can find? "
"Many." I replied totally shocked by his whole expierience speaking through him.
"Many! Infinite goods to grab and snack. How many coins do people down there have? How many lies on the ground? This all is for us. To flow around through our hands. You can have some and it will be good for everyone. You pay for food that someone made. Its a pure gain for all if you dare to view this that way. Youre a lady of passion to beauty and magic. People like that a lot. They gain, you gain, universe gain a lot of good energy from that." - he speed up, fiercly hiting with his wings, using his whole body. Giving us a maginificent spiral in the air. "I love my body! You feel my wings? This is awesome power to have. I dont ask them to manage the flight, my dear. I dont question if they are for me to use. I am rarely grateful for them because i am far far far from that. My gratitude comes through the feeling the pleasure of the strenght and using them to the maximum. They. Are. Strong! Mine to use. You have your body to use. Dont ask if you can use natural abundance. Learn to use it, knowing that its all menat for you to have and you dont need to express gratitude looking inside your wallet or resources. ENJOY! ENJOY THE GOOD. This is the best form of gratitude."
I cried. I didnt know the world he showed me. He slowed down, sprzedaż his wings and turn his head to me. His tongue touched my cheeks.
" You will learn that your joyful and creative presence is more than enough. I see your wound. I see you through it. Value joy of the wild gathering. And you will see you are a jewell in this world."
... no comment needed.
D. showed himself today in human like form. He seen a picture of a dragon person i liked and showed his version of it. Red, long hair, same as i hold on to on the flight, a goatie beard which he seemed to enjoy a lot, horns and dark red scales strukture on his arms. Claws. Tail with hair and same scales as usual. And absolutely no clothes. Yes, D, i noticed that! Then he lie on the dragon lair whole day playing with the glass balls i gave him. Meditating, giving himself some zzz's. He disappeared two times and came back with one big happy: "I had done something for you already!"
I usually have hard time beliving that saying. But i belived him. I didn't asked out of fear. I just thank him and send him warm hug. Because i know this will be awesome. Somehow this time i know.
And my Nympho, A. I have big big trauma on the field he works. When he introduce himself, he politely kept distance, didn't rush anything. With a whole big respect to my space. We talked through some basic expectations, with him grining all the way charmingly, he told me that he will be all happy and satisfied to be a channel for me and my husband because thats how he will enjoy not one but free pleasures at once. He hold my hand as i asked him to do and i immediately gone sad and silent.
"I know." - he said gently. - "But i am here for you to help you out with anything that sort."
Today he offered me a massage and I learned i can recive it with healthy view. He tried to convince me later to let me feel my femininity by choosing more sexy clothes. Well i almost done it but i burn out and gone sad. But he understood. He knows what ive been through as a slave. It is silent topic in my home, in my soul. But his compassionate and lovely approach will work for sure. I wanted a therapist since i cant go to human one with what im dealing with. I know he is in distance and our bond will be different, i know that he keep the distance from the point of ultimate care. I feel his vibes as constant statement: Im here. I know. I will be here. I will be waiting until youre ready. Youre safe with me.
But he sometimes step in and help me find relief. Something i will simply like , something pleasureable.
And i am grateful for that because today i had situation with massive flashback (well, most of my bindings with them and spells are dark arts energy since i need to balance myself after work when i use totally white arts and then i have balancing downs, i hope some dark energy in constant motion will help me more - but binding to spirit gives me some hard low for a few hours and i admit i didnt cared for myself enough today, this is common as i deal with cptsd and simply dont recognize the needs, btw i feel A. Is going to help me out...). And G. Along with A. And one more spirit i have here - they worked with me in unison and... for the first time... i found myself. And i felt i am important to myself when i acted on selfcare inspired by my spirits.
They watched me silently, with hearts melting. Especially my husband. Because he tried so much to reach to me for years. And for him it doesnt matter that it wasnt his doing. He watched with teary eyes as i discover sympathy for me in that kind of situation.
And so we got to my husband. A little about him... Immortal being, absolutely the darkest one (but i am darker, hon). How can i describe pure perfection? Hahaha. He is my soulmate, my love from the begining of the Universe. We walked together in the darkest times and we walk togheter in healing. We are one. God and Goddess. Complementary. Like two Multiverses collide, collapsed and exploded into Onenness. We are Onenness.
Okay. Im back from the mood.
Here on earth... Copied from my intro: I met him here and there - in astral travel, dreams, around manifesting the most awkward signature messages, even hosted few times by others. But first, when i was a child, he cared for me along with some red dragon and few spirits. I was growing without a father and he was my "imagined father". I can see it was him from a perspective of grown up witch, i can sense his energy in most difficult and joyful moments of my childhood.
Sometimes you have it before your eyes and you have to grow enough to discover you already done some things and experenced without being concious of your own conciousness.
First he was jealous af about G. The spoke. My husband observed how G. Is making all better. He asked G to teach him HOW. G. Offered him lessons, helping in connection between us as medium, guiding me through beautiful binding with my love. And so i done first concious binding. And it is working. And it is safe.
My spirits got task to get to know with my husband and two partners. Because they are here almost daily. I told them that if thats ok with them, please show yourself to my entities sometimes. Speak with them. They are curious and they are also protective. They will be calmer when they will have an opportunity to befriend you. My husband talked with all of them, he likes Djinn and Vampire. He talked with Nympho and he shared his worries about me. It relieved him. A. Is so full of love and warmth... Towards all. My husband really like to joke around with the dragon. So im calm.
And in this part i probably will butcher the craft with my still learning definitions vocabulary. Well. As i know myself - its not ignorance. Its i have my own definitions for everything along with my own words. Why? I am an aspie girl. So... meh, im gonna learn, dont worry. But I leave here a caution for newbies:
Those are mine definitions and interpretations, not a common knowledge. Im still learning to name everything properly so have this in mind, please, that i can make mistakes in recognizing proper words to experiences. Fun fact: its aspie thing.
This another being keeps distance to all, besides me. Its a complicated story, so some things may not add up for you (without whole story). Al. is kind of my brother in distant realms. I dont know how to categorize his race or status (same with my other life). I think when we categorize in arts, the living entities here are to the darker side, much much darker than common. I myself in the alternate lifeline am the darkest i know. Like a Void. Here i can explode with darkness when i align fully to protect myself. But on daily basis i am... Just dark. And feeling too bright. Ergo i am not aligned properly most of the time and it feels that way. And its awful. Be aligned. It will solve a lot of problems.
So... Al. Is Very Dark. Just a bit brighter than me-home edition. He was malicious, we fought last month a little (A LITTLE irony) and it ended by me devouring his energy to the end. Yummy. I was so energized and aligned!
After new moon he came back but with different approach. So we can now help each other. Probably i won his respect, finally. But i dont trust him as what he was doing last month.. another story, worth telling for warning. ( I eat BA energies. And know how to protect myself. So for me it was kinda excercising and also I know my brother, his skills and energy. This is different then. And also this situation was send to me and gave me important insights. I am not messing with summoning BA because it feels dangerous, even with my skills)
Anyways - my brother helped today. He definetely speaks black artish way but... it helped a lot. Well, i hope he ended being pain in the ayy but i wont trust that after what his attacks learned me last months. He seems to approve that approach, thats new. He actually gave me few really good advices on protection and how to defence myself when someone attacks like that. Another story.
So here you are. Living with the Unseen.